Thursday, 13 January 2011

Christopher Gower fined £50,000 by the FSA!

Holy Jesus H. Christ! Is the FSA still around? If there was a nuclear war, the FSA is the only thing that would survive. I'm convinced.

Anyway, let's deal with the latest disgrace. Christopher Gower, a former MF Global analyst, has been fined fifty grand just for sending a Bloomberg instant message to a few clients! Outrageous! Can't we send messages now?!

"*** HOT OFF PRESS*** Just had meeting with CEO of PUNCH TAVERNS. They have heard from HM Revenue & Customs that it is highly likely Enterprise Inns has been granted REIT status and ETI are due to announce this on 13th May at interims. Expect ETI to bounce (was up 10% on previous HMRC news) BUT then fall back as mkt realises it will take time to implement.... MORE on my meeting to follow.... Chris"

According to the FSA, this gave the impression that he had some inside information. So? Oh, I don't understand. Go and have a look for yourself. You probably know more than I do. I'm only a shaman. All I know is spirits and goblins. No, not goblins.

I just wonder if the FSA is interested in any of the messages that Chris has been sending me from his mind. Yes, from his mind to my mind! It beats all this Bloomberg instant message crap. Here are a few examples -

"HOT FROM THE ASTRAL DESERT. Been speaking to Ganesh the elephant god. Lovely chap. Have you ever seen a trunk like it? He says he'll be able to introduce me to Big Herb. He says the time is right. I must be making great progress, eh, Mike? I'll let you know what happens."

"Mikey, it's Chris. Just come out of a meeting with the big guy. How long was I in his cave? I couldn't tell you. Two hours? Three days? Four weeks? I lost track, man. But that's the astral plane for you. Had a great time. He was telling me about the old days on earth. I didn't know about the space hopper. Have you written about that? Yeah, I'm sure you have. Might be able to do a couple of deals with Big Herb. Got to speak to the ghosts first. Can't say I'm looking forward to that."

"FOR FUCK'S SAKE, MIKEY!!! Those dead financiers are psychotic!!! Why didn't you warn me? Oh, you warned me, yeah, but you could have given me a better idea of what to expect. I AIN'T EVER GOING BACK! I don't care how much money is at stake. It's not worth it, Mike. How do you put up with those nutters?"

Well, as Chris didn't make any money on the plane, I'm sure the FSA won't be interested.