Thursday, 13 January 2011

Guy Hands appeals EMI ruling

Oh my God! What's he up to now? Don't get me wrong, Guy Hands is one of my dearest friends, but he's got to stop all this EMI nonsense; I mean, suing people. It's embarrassing. Citigroup won. Can't he understand that? When will he ever learn?

Well, I have been speaking to the odd-looking financier. This is what was said, by him and by me: 'Mikey, you're gonna think I'm freakin’ nuts, man, but I think I can win this time. I'll restore my honour. Just you wait and see. (What is wrong with you, Guy?) Citigroup may get EMI, but it won't get my soul. (What are you talking about?) They want to break me, Mike. They want to see me crawling in the gutter, while staring at the stars. (Ah, the stars in the sky.) No, not those stars. (Give it up, Guy.) No surrender! They won't take me alive! (It's over. You've got to move on. You don't want to end up like Pete Best, still bitter after all these years.) They're taking my EMI away! I won't be able to give you a publishing contract. (I'll speak to Citigroup about that.) Oh, nice. Some friend you are. (Business is business. I don't need to tell you that, surely.) All my friends hate me. Worm, now you. (Cut the self-pity. And I don't hate you.) Just because I look a bit funny. (Well ...) I feel like I'm facing the final curtain. (You've got to get out of show business. I'm serious. It doesn't suit you. Get back to boring old finance.) But I'm friends with Jim Morrison! (What does Jimmy say you should do?) He reckons Citigroup will destroy EMI. He says they're a bunch of squares. He thinks I'm cool, by the way. (Does he?) Yeah. I was on the astral plane with him, Monday night, with some Red Indian. (What Red Indian?) I don't know. Just some Red Indian. Carrying on and that. (Well, they do, don't they?) Jimmy says I should sue Citi for every penny. (You've already tried that! You don't want to take legal advice from Jim Morrison. This is the man who got taken to court for getting his cock out in public, remember. I love Jimmy to death, literally, but ...) Yeah, I see your point. Maybe I should get my coc - (No, Guy. No.) At the Citigroup HQ! Imagine that! (I'd rather not.) Rock and Roll! (You're not a rocker, or a roller. You're a money man. That's all you’ll ever be. Accept it.) Mikey, you're no fun any more.'

No Fun. That's a good song.