Tuesday, 26 November 2013

Stephen Czech has got more money than sense

Just when you think finance can't get any crazier ... / He only wanted $1 billion, you know. The silly bastards have given him $1.5 billion! 'Who?! What?! Eh?! / What's going on, man?!' Stephen Czech, Voice. He wanted to raise $1 billion for his Czech Asset Management, well, for his second direct-lending hedge fund at the firm. 'I see.' The stupid investors, though, the awful twats, they had other ideas, didn't they? 'What happened?' They gave Stephen $1.5 billion! 'Oh, Christ!' Yeah. And it could have been worse, son. The nutjobs wanted to give him $1.8 billion. 'Ha! That's ridiculous, Mikey!' / So, it's official. Stephen Czech has more money than sense - and he's got to find a way out of this mess. 'What do you suggest?' See if you can dig this, man: Czech Asset Management is engaged in the business of originating and investing in asset-based and cash-flow first and second lien secured floating rate loans for middle market borrowers located throughout North America and Europe. How about that, eh? 'Yeah, that's brilliant, that's great, man, but what do you suggest? What's the solution to this excess money problem?' Well, quite simply, my little invisible friend, Stephen will have to give me $500 million. 'You're a genius, boss!' I know. How do I think of this shit?

Yes, I'm a genius. And it's more or less a done deal. Stephen will be happy to give me the money, I'm sure. 'He'll be bloody relieved.' Of course he will! / I'll phone him later to sort out the details.

I'll be able to get that house in Malibu now. What a result! / So close to Christmas as well. I'm over the moon. Dear reader(s), I'm thinking my luck might be changing.