Tuesday, 4 April 2017

Holocene Advisors - ?!

Oh, it's a new hedge fund, dear reader(s). And it's just started trading! 'Great!' Oh, hello, Voice. I bet you can't guess what its assets under management is/are. 'Ha! I don't have to guess. Holocene Advisors has $1 billion AUM.' Ha! You're wrong, idiot! It has $1.5 billion AUM. 'What?!' Yeah. More than expected. How do you feel now? 'Surprised, boss.' Well, these things happen, man.

Oh, uh ... the fund was founded by Brandon Haley. 'Who's he?' He's just some cat in America who works in finance. Just like all the others. New York, I believe. I mean, that's where the fund is based. And you won't believe what Bloomberg says about our Brandon. 'Go on.' Oh, Jesus. Okay -

This person is connected to 0 Board Members in 0 different organizations across 1 different industries.

'Christ!' Yeah. Same old story. However, I've been doing some research of my own, and I can tell the lovely readers that Brandon was the head of global equities at Citadel. 'Great!' And before that he was at North Sound Capital. 'Er ... great!' And before that he was at Goldman Sachs. 'Great!' So ... 'And before that, boss?' I don't know. School, I suppose. University. I don't know.

Oh, uh ... a bit more information. It's a long/short equity strategy, they've got, focused on consumer, industrials, and TMT companies. 'TMT?' Technology, media, and telecom. 'Oh. Nice.' Yeah.

Well, well ... / Obviously, I wish Brandon and his crew all the best. It's not easy starting a new hedge fund these days. 'Rather him than me.' Ha! You would have trouble selling matches at the end of the street, Voice. 'Well, most people use lighters.' Shut up! You would have trouble running a whelk stall.


Anything else? Music? I'm listening to The Rolling Stones, 12 X 5. An early album. The best song on it is It's All Over Now, written by Bobby and Shirley Womack.

My music? Guitar? Well, I've done an average of one hour and forty minutes of playing every day for the last three years, but I reckon that it ain't enough, man. I'm going to have to find a way to get it up to three hours a day. 'Easy!' It's actually very difficult because if you miss a day through illness or something, you have to do six hours the next day to recover your average. 'Oh.' It's a total pain in the arse, but I need to be better on guitar, you dig?

All the things I've got to do ...

Uh, laters.