Tuesday, 21 September 2010

Gareth Abbot and Crinan Capital

My fingers are hurting, real bad. After an early lunch, I decided to play Rocky Raccoon on my guitar. Some lovely chord changes. But my fingers!

Never mind. Let's try and discover whether Gareth Abbot is a genuine person or just a thought-form on the astral plane. I am pretty sure that Crinan Capital is a genuine hedge fund, even though I can't find a website for it. However, Mr Abbot is a bit of a mystery. Some people like to claim that he is the chief executive of Crinan Capital. Oh yeah? Who the hell is Scott White then? Not another thought-form, surely? Hedgeweek should do a bit of research. Scott White is the chief executive of Crinan Capital! No one has the slightest idea who Gareth Abbot is.

Well, I have been speaking to Scott White. He tried his best to explain everything. I wasn't convinced. But here it is (edited highlights): 'Mikey, this is all very disturbing. There seems to be some confusion. I am the chief operating officer at Crinan. (Yeah, sure you are. Who's this Gareth nutter then?) I've heard rumours he's the chief executive, just like Hedgeweek says he is. (What do you mean you've heard rumours?) I've never actually met him, Mike. Although I saw his shadow once. (Listen, you better come clean with me, my friend. I have a certain reputation, you understand? I'm not someone you can fool with. Tell me the truth! It said on a Scottish newspaper website that you were the chief executive.) I'm the chief operating officer. Honest! I haven't got the brains to be no chief executive. Mr Abbot is a great man. I'm nothing. I'm the dirt on his shoes. (You haven't even seen his shoes!) I've seen his shadow! I've seen his shoes in their shadow form! (Scott, mate, do you think I was born yesterday?) Mr Fowke, please, I'm under enough pressure as it is. We've just launched the Crinan Stability investment fund. (Like I give a shit. I don't care what you've just launched, son. So, this Gareth. Focus! You're saying that he's just a thought-form, then?) I don't know what a thought-form is. I'm not into all this voodoo nonsense. (It ain't voodoo nonsense! It's mystical capitalism. Now, I suppose a thought-form could momentarily leave the astral plane and appear as a shadow on our cold earth; but that doesn't explain how he could set up a hedge fund and employ someone like you, who's never even met him!) I saw his fucking shadow! On the wall! (On the wall? Big deal! After a few whiskies, no doubt. I don't believe a word of this crap you're telling me.) I'm going to take some time off. (Time off?! You've just launched the Crinan Stability investment fund!) And here's me, feeling so unstable. Oh, the irony!'

Well, I wasn't convinced. Anyway, I'm going to get myself a mug of coffee now and a few McVitie's chocolate digestives, then it's back to Rocky Raccoon. And I'll write another post later, maybe.