Thursday 8 March 2018

Amazon is starting a bank!

Ha! Uh. Ha! Jinksy again! 'Another Jinksy PR email, boss? Is that wise? We don't want to encourage him, do we?' I know, I know. But he's on a roll at the moment, Voice. This latest one is about Amazon starting a bank, which is great news for all my readers. 'Is it?' Banks will be like Amazon warehouses now. 'Ha!' Yes.

The e-commerce fulfilment specialist ParcelHero says Amazon is pressing ahead with plans to open a banking service. ParcelHero's Head of Consumer Research, David Jinks MILT, says: "Amazon is now in discussion with JP Morgan Chase and a number of other financial organizations, developing plans for an account that will meet the needs of younger consumers thought to be most enthusiastic about the idea of an Amazon bank."

Well, well ... / One question. Why do JP Morgan and other financial organizations want anything to do with this? It's like mince pies voting for Christmas. 'Mince pies?' Yes.

Says David: "Last year Amazon considered buying the US bank Capital One, so the idea of moving into banking is obviously very attractive to the e-commerce giant. This week the Wall Street Journal revealed Amazon is in talks with several financial institutions about opening an Amazon branded account. And many of its regular customers seem to agree: global research from Accenture reveals half of all Amazon users would consider a savings account with Amazon, and 45% are open to the idea of it being their primary bank account."

Oh, I see ... the Wall Street Journal. 'Ha! It's the Wall Street Journal that's on a roll, boss, not Jinksy.' Well, yes, never mind. It was Jinksy who brought the news to my attention, man.

Adds David: "It's not only in the US Amazon might be eyeing up the banking sector: As a result of the loosening of British banking regulations in 2013, an A-Z of new online banks from Atom Bank to Zopa have been announced here in the UK. Amazon could consider creating its own British bank from scratch, but that would involve overcoming significant regulatory hurdles. A number of those 'newbie' UK challenger banks are already consolidating, and some may well welcome an approach from Amazon."

Online banks. And remember, dear reader(s), all this was started by Elon Musk nearly twenty years ago. What a genius, eh?!

Okay, okay. Our Jinksy goes on to explain something, but I think we've had enough. It's the end of the week, reader(s). I don't want to overdo it. I mean, the finance, like.

...

Right. Anything else? Brexit? Oh, Christ. Why doesn't anyone in our government listen to what the EU says, and has always said? Theresa May might say: We want cake! Give us cake! And then the EU will say: There is no cake. And then someone like David Davis will pipe up: Bring out the cake! We want cake! And fine wine! / It's just ridiculous. And they're making Great Britain look ridiculous.