Tuesday, 17 December 2019

Oh, are you ordering stuff online for your loved ones at Christmas?

Well, that's your problem, dear reader(s). Do they even deserve anything? Be honest. Come on! 'Don't be like that, Scrooge.' Shut up, Voice!

Okay, okay. Our Jinksy has got some online deadlines for us ...

Amazon - 24th December

Argos - 24th December

ASOS - 23rd December

Boden - 23rd December

The Body Shop - 22nd December

Boohoo - 22nd December

Debenhams - 22nd December

Evans Cycles - 16th December

Firebox - 22nd December

Gap - 21st December

HP - 19th December

John Lewis - 22nd December

Littlewoods - 22nd December

Net-a-Porter - 24th December

Next - 22nd December

Paul Smith - 19th December

The White Company - 21st December

Very - 23rd December

Zara - 23rd December (London area)

Okay, okay. Notice the late date for Amazon. 'Ha!' Yes. You can be sure that Bezos won't be in the warehouse packing things into boxes. No, he'll be at home on Christmas Eve, watching TV and eating mince pies. 'I thought he was a workaholic, boss?' Well, I’m sure he'll still be doing emails and shit.

That's the thing, you see, with these billionaire workaholics. (And I include our Elon in this.) How much of their "hard work" is just emails, and phone calls, and meetings? These guys aren't like Goggins, man. A man like Goggins vomits blood and he still gets back on the log. 'What log?' It's, uh ... a story from his book, Voice. During one of his three Hell Weeks, he was vomiting blood but still refusing to quit. 'But what about the log?' Christ! He was carrying it with his boat crew. 'Oh, okay.' Listen, kook(s)! Goggins trains with broken legs! Goggins runs ten marathons in one weekend! Goggins will never stop! Never! He stays hard!

Right. Let's hear from our Jinksy -

Says ParcelHero's Head of Consumer Research, David Jinks MILT: "While we don't want to encourage last-minute orders, because of the risk of gifts missing Christmas Day, we think it's best to make sure shoppers are fully informed of the cut-off dates for orders to arrive before Christmas. Check your favourite stores and you will find, for example, ASOS' final Standard delivery in time for Christmas is the 19th, but its Express delivery gives shoppers until 23rd, while Boohoo's last date is 18th December for Standard, and 22nd for Next Day."

Uh. I don't understand. I just ... / Can you explain, Jinksy? Please. PLEASE - !!!

David explains: "Many shoppers do like to leave it as late as possible to order online; and it's very tempting to this year in particular, as retailers have had a dire time and are desperate to shift stock. But bargain hunters should not leave it too long as a number of stores' deadlines have already come and gone. This is particularly the case if they specialize in heavier items such as cycles or furniture; for example, Evans Cycles was the 16th. In contrast some other retailers, such as Amazon, Argos and Net-a-Porter, are actually offering Christmas Eve same-day ordering."

Okay. Thanks, Jinksy. You're a diamond!



Anything else? Music? My music? Oh, I'm feeling pretty positive, son. Uh, daughter. I was listening to a rough recording of a new song earlier. [It's not finished yet. I have the music, and the chorus lyric, but only dummy words for the verses.] My vocals on it are ... nice enough to listen to. I mean, regardless of how great the song may be. So, yeah ... I'm very pleased with my progress, man.

Go, go, go!