Brewin Dolphin has made Guy Foster head of research

Do you remember this, dear reader(s)? -

At Brewin Dolphin, we are focused on meeting the individual needs of our diverse range of clients: oddballs, seekers, and mystic kooks from everywhere. That means we always start by listening to you chant, learning about your chakras and discussing what colour you want your aura to be. Your adviser will then draw on specialist expertise from around Brewin Dolphin and the astral sea to ensure you are able to benefit from the blend of services you need. This approach is backed by our commitment to employing the very best financial shamans in our industry, and giving them the blood and the fire they need to offer the most well-informed advice. It's an approach that reaps rewards for our clients and has helped to make us one of the UK's leading private client investment managers.

Well, those days are gone! / Now, Brewin Dolphin is more interested in making a man like Guy Foster head of research. Guy is what we used to call a cold earth wanderer. He knows nothing of the blood and fire. He knows nothing of the dolphin-torn, gong-tormented sea. All he knows is research. Cold research. 'But, Mikey, Guy has worked his way up at Brewin Dolphin!' I don't care, Voice!

I just don't care. Times have changed. Maybe I'm to blame. Maybe I took my eye off the ball. Maybe I let too many squares take liberties. 'Boss, you remember every face of every man who put you here.' Yeah. 'And you see your light come shining from the west unto the east.' Damn straight! 'Any day now, any day now, you shall be released!' Oh, I hope so, Voice. I've got to stay positive.

...

No. 208? I'll be dealing with Guy Foster. You better believe it.

I've got a migraine, since last night. It's painful staring at my laptop screen, man. I need some pills!

Music? My guitar playing is getting pretty smooth. All the practice, you see. Two or three hours a day. / I might try to record You're Lying and My Heart again tomorrow. If I'm feeling better ...

[No. 207] All the boogaloo dudes

I've wanted to do this for years, ha, ha, ha!

And all the old-before-their-time dudes ...[1], and / COME ON!!! / and suicide ain't painless, but it is their life[1], and all the old-before-their-time dudes ...[2], and what's the news today? / and who is telling it?[1], and / COME ON!!! / and suicide ain't painless, but it is their life[2], and / YOU(!) there! / do you have a story for us?[1], and what's the news today? / and who is telling it?[2], and so many of them dress like queens / but I don't mind at all / I'm just saying ...[1], and / YOU(!) there! / do you have a story for us?[2], and / 'Hey, you, there, with the glasses!' / What?! Not me, Voice! Don't point the finger at me[1], and so many of them dress like queens / but I don't mind at all / I'm just saying ...[2], and I've never worn glasses ...[1], and / 'Hey, you, there, with the glasses!' / What?! Not me, Voice! Don't point the finger at me[2], and let's not hear the news today / go away! please[1], and I've never worn glasses ...[2], and a young, boogaloo dude? Oh, I'm way past twenty-five, but I'm not bothered, man[1], and let's not hear the news today / go away! please[2], and I am so ooo young at heart, and they are so ooo old - it's their job, you dig?[1], and a young, boogaloo dude? Oh, I'm way past twenty-five, but I'm not bothered, man[2], and / oh, is that concrete all a-ROUND - or is it in my head? / never mind, let's ... get a-ROUND here ... yeah![1], and I am so ooo young at heart, and they are so ooo old - it's their job, you dig?[2], and - DON'T CARRY THE NEWS!!![1], and / oh, is that concrete all a-ROUND - or is it in my head? / never mind, let's ... get a-ROUND here ... yeah![2], and we can love, we can love ... we can love, without facts and figures[1], and - DON'T CARRY THE NEWS!!![2], and if we can get away from finance and its reporting, son ... maybe, just maybe, revolution won't be such a drag, eh?[1], and we can love, we can love ... we can love, without facts and figures[2], and HEY DUDES! / where are ya?[1], and if we can get away from finance and its reporting, son ... maybe, just maybe, revolution won't be such a drag, eh?[2], and ... ... ... what's the story?![1], and HEY DUDES! / where are ya?[2], and no news is very good news[1], and ... ... ... what's the story?![2], and all the old-before-their-time dudes ...[3], and no news is very good news[2], and / COME ON!!! / and suicide ain't painless, but it is their life[3], and what's the news today? / and who is telling it?[3], and / YOU(!) there! / do you have a story for us?[3], and so many of them dress like queens / but I don't mind at all / I'm just saying ...[3], and / 'Hey, you, there, with the glasses!' / What?! Not me, Voice! Don't point the finger at me[3], and I've never worn glasses ...[3], and let's not hear the news today / go away! please[3], and a young, boogaloo dude? Oh, I'm way past twenty-five, but I'm not bothered, man[3], and I am so ooo young at heart, and they are so ooo old - it's their job, you dig?[3], and / oh, is that concrete all a-ROUND - or is it in my head? / never mind, let's ... get a-ROUND here ... yeah![3], and - DON'T CARRY THE NEWS!!![3], and we can love, we can love ... we can love, without facts and figures[3], and if we can get away from finance and its reporting, son ... maybe, just maybe, revolution won't be such a drag, eh?[3], and HEY DUDES! / where are ya?[3], and ... ... ... what's the story?![3], and no news is very good news[3], and

And all the old-before-their-time dudes ...[1], and / COME ON!!! / and suicide ain't painless, but it is their life[1], and all the old-before-their-time dudes ...[2], and what's the news today? / and who is telling it?[1], and / COME ON!!! / and suicide ain't painless, but it is their life[2], and / YOU(!) there! / do you have a story for us?[1], and what's the news today? / and who is telling it?[2], and so many of them dress like queens / but I don't mind at all / I'm just saying ...[1], and / YOU(!) there! / do you have a story for us?[2], and / 'Hey, you, there, with the glasses!' / What?! Not me, Voice! Don't point the finger at me[1], and so many of them dress like queens / but I don't mind at all / I'm just saying ...[2], and I've never worn glasses ...[1], and / 'Hey, you, there, with the glasses!' / What?! Not me, Voice! Don't point the finger at me[2], and let's not hear the news today / go away! please[1], and I've never worn glasses ...[2], and a young, boogaloo dude? Oh, I'm way past twenty-five, but I'm not bothered, man[1], and let's not hear the news today / go away! please[2], and I am so ooo young at heart, and they are so ooo old - it's their job, you dig?[1], and a young, boogaloo dude? Oh, I'm way past twenty-five, but I'm not bothered, man[2], and / oh, is that concrete all a-ROUND - or is it in my head? / never mind, let's ... get a-ROUND here ... yeah![1], and I am so ooo young at heart, and they are so ooo old - it's their job, you dig?[2], and - DON'T CARRY THE NEWS!!![1], and / oh, is that concrete all a-ROUND - or is it in my head? / never mind, let's ... get a-ROUND here ... yeah![2], and we can love, we can love ... we can love, without facts and figures[1], and - DON'T CARRY THE NEWS!!![2], and if we can get away from finance and its reporting, son ... maybe, just maybe, revolution won't be such a drag, eh?[1], and we can love, we can love ... we can love, without facts and figures[2], and HEY DUDES! / where are ya?[1], and if we can get away from finance and its reporting, son ... maybe, just maybe, revolution won't be such a drag, eh?[2], and ... ... ... what's the story?![1], and HEY DUDES! / where are ya?[2], and no news is very good news[1], and ... ... ... what's the story?![2], and all the old-before-their-time dudes ...[3], and no news is very good news[2], and / COME ON!!! / and suicide ain't painless, but it is their life[3], and what's the news today? / and who is telling it?[3], and / YOU(!) there! / do you have a story for us?[3], and so many of them dress like queens / but I don't mind at all / I'm just saying ...[3], and / 'Hey, you, there, with the glasses!' / What?! Not me, Voice! Don't point the finger at me[3], and I've never worn glasses ...[3], and let's not hear the news today / go away! please[3], and a young, boogaloo dude? Oh, I'm way past twenty-five, but I'm not bothered, man[3], and I am so ooo young at heart, and they are so ooo old - it's their job, you dig?[3], and / oh, is that concrete all a-ROUND - or is it in my head? / never mind, let's ... get a-ROUND here ... yeah![3], and - DON'T CARRY THE NEWS!!![3], and we can love, we can love ... we can love, without facts and figures[3], and if we can get away from finance and its reporting, son ... maybe, just maybe, revolution won't be such a drag, eh?[3], and HEY DUDES! / where are ya?[3], and ... ... ... what's the story?![3], and no news is very good news[3], and

And all the old-before-their-time dudes ...[1], and / COME ON!!! / and suicide ain't painless, but it is their life[1], and all the old-before-their-time dudes ...[2], and what's the news today? / and who is telling it?[1], and / COME ON!!! / and suicide ain't painless, but it is their life[2], and / YOU(!) there! / do you have a story for us?[1], and what's the news today? / and who is telling it?[2], and so many of them dress like queens / but I don't mind at all / I'm just saying ...[1], and / YOU(!) there! / do you have a story for us?[2], and / 'Hey, you, there, with the glasses!' / What?! Not me, Voice! Don't point the finger at me[1], and so many of them dress like queens / but I don't mind at all / I'm just saying ...[2], and I've never worn glasses ...[1], and / 'Hey, you, there, with the glasses!' / What?! Not me, Voice! Don't point the finger at me[2], and let's not hear the news today / go away! please[1], and I've never worn glasses ...[2], and a young, boogaloo dude? Oh, I'm way past twenty-five, but I'm not bothered, man[1], and let's not hear the news today / go away! please[2], and I am so ooo young at heart, and they are so ooo old - it's their job, you dig?[1], and a young, boogaloo dude? Oh, I'm way past twenty-five, but I'm not bothered, man[2], and / oh, is that concrete all a-ROUND - or is it in my head? / never mind, let's ... get a-ROUND here ... yeah![1], and I am so ooo young at heart, and they are so ooo old - it's their job, you dig?[2], and - DON'T CARRY THE NEWS!!![1], and / oh, is that concrete all a-ROUND - or is it in my head? / never mind, let's ... get a-ROUND here ... yeah![2], and we can love, we can love ... we can love, without facts and figures[1], and - DON'T CARRY THE NEWS!!![2], and if we can get away from finance and its reporting, son ... maybe, just maybe, revolution won't be such a drag, eh?[1], and we can love, we can love ... we can love, without facts and figures[2], and HEY DUDES! / where are ya?[1], and if we can get away from finance and its reporting, son ... maybe, just maybe, revolution won't be such a drag, eh?[2], and ... ... ... what's the story?![1], and HEY DUDES! / where are ya?[2], and no news is very good news[1], and ... ... ... what's the story?![2], and all the old-before-their-time dudes ...[3], and no news is very good news[2], and / COME ON!!! / and suicide ain't painless, but it is their life[3], and what's the news today? / and who is telling it?[3], and / YOU(!) there! / do you have a story for us?[3], and so many of them dress like queens / but I don't mind at all / I'm just saying ...[3], and / 'Hey, you, there, with the glasses!' / What?! Not me, Voice! Don't point the finger at me[3], and I've never worn glasses ...[3], and let's not hear the news today / go away! please[3], and a young, boogaloo dude? Oh, I'm way past twenty-five, but I'm not bothered, man[3], and I am so ooo young at heart, and they are so ooo old - it's their job, you dig?[3], and / oh, is that concrete all a-ROUND - or is it in my head? / never mind, let's ... get a-ROUND here ... yeah![3], and - DON'T CARRY THE NEWS!!![3], and we can love, we can love ... we can love, without facts and figures[3], and if we can get away from finance and its reporting, son ... maybe, just maybe, revolution won't be such a drag, eh?[3], and HEY DUDES! / where are ya?[3], and ... ... ... what's the story?![3], and no news is very good news[3], and

The FBI is probing high-frequency traders

Yeah, it sounds nasty. But it's what the traders deserve.

Oh yes, these high-frequency traders. I've got no sympathy for them. Why can't they trade like decent, normal human beings? Why do they need computers? 'Computers are the future, man. Robots and that.' Robots? They'll all be out of a job when the robots take over. I just wonder what the robots will spend their bonuses on. 'Nuts and bolts.' Nuts and bolts? You can't eat nuts and bolts, Voice. 'Robots can. They love them.' Whatever.

...

Me, I still go for the traditional cheese sandwich. That's what I've got for lunch. And crisps, yoghurt, can of Coke. No surprises. 'Are you thinking of lunch already?' Yeah. I'm hungry again. 'Lunch is for wimps.' Shut up!

I'm listening to The Very Best of Mott the Hoople. Their best song was written by Bowie, of course.

I'll be working on No. 207 later. / I won't be writing about robots, or finance.

Ahmad Zuaiter has got this Jadara Capital Partners

I knew it! As one hedge fund closes, another one opens. We could go on like this forever, couldn't we? / I don't care about you, dear reader(s), but will I ever be released?

Well, this, er, Ahmad character. He used to be a vet. 'What?!' Yeah, apparently, George Soros owns a zoo, and Ahmed used to look after the animals for him. However, he tired of that work. He decided he wanted to be a fund manager like his boss. 'Ambitious guy, Mikey!' Oh yeah. Now Ahmed has his own hedge fund, Jadara Capital Partners. Frontier emerging markets, all that sort of thing. / So, you see, Voice, dreams can come true.

Jadara, Jadara, Jadara ... / By the way, "Jadara" is more than a name, you know. 'No, I don't believe it, Mikey!' Oh, listen, son. It is the firm's ethos that defines their culture and guides their investment philosophy and discipline. These guys aren't messing around. (I presume Ahmad has a few friends with him. Probably not from the zoo.) They believe that competence forms the bedrock of competitive advantage and is the single most important driver behind a sustainable competitive edge in successful investing. 'Well ...' Competence not only embodies the unique skill sets, mate, for identifying and exploiting investment opportunities as well as the intimate knowledge of the investment environment, it is also the targeted, disciplined and consistent approach to executing a successful investment framework and mandate. 'Unbelievable! And you say this guy was a vet?!' Well, he was a George Soros vet, man. I imagine he picked up a lot.

Anyway, I wish Ahmad the best of luck. He's looking for a few hundred million dollars from investors. 'No problem! You know what investors are like, boss.' Yeah, Voice, I know what investors are like. / Money, money, money ...

Sam Morland is retiring

Yeah, Sam is getting out of finance. His OVS Capital Management is shutting down and returning money to investors. I think it's for the best. I want all the other hedge funds in the world to close now. 'And the banks, Mikey!' Yes, Voice, and the banks. We mustn't forget the banks. / I've said it before. I'll say it again. Too many people are wasting their lives on this finance nonsense. It really is time to get out. 'Well, it's nice to have a dream.' Yes, it is. It's very nice.

I pray for the day when there’s nothing to write about ... / One glorious Monday morning, I'll look around the internet and won't be able to find any financial news whatsoever - I mean, genuinely, no news. That's my dream. 'God knows what the squares will do!' Eh? 'The squares, boss, who make their living (such as it is) writing about the people who make all the money.' Oh, they'll have to grow some balls, man, and go out into the world and get real jobs, real lives. 'Ha! That would be something to see.' It certainly would, son. / I've got my music. I'm making a fresh start. I'm getting a grip. Got to keep believing ... you dig, dear reader(s)?

Obviously, I mean no harm. I just want to wake everyone up. I used to think I could do it with the blood and fire in the desert. 'Ha!' However, no one understood. So ... I'm saying, get out! Save yourselves! 'You can't make it any clearer, boss. Are these people thick or something?' They're in a rut, Voice. They've been brainwashed. 'They've been listening to the wrong people.' Yeah, people like George Osborne.

Gideon still imagines there is some kind of economic recovery going on. Maybe for him and his mates.

...

Fuck it! Forget it!

I'm listening to Squeeze. I reckon they have eight or nine classic songs, which is pretty good. Think of all the artists with their Best of collections that only have two or three great songs. (Sometimes only one.) There are bands like Oasis, The Rolling Stones, and The Who who ('What?!') you could argue have about twenty truly great songs. The Beatles? Sixty or seventy. / It's hard to judge though. Some artists have loads of great album tracks that aren't "hit" material. It's all subjective, man. I don't even know why I'm writing about it.

Tempted is Squeeze's best song, I reckon.

[No. 206] Legal & General Investment Management is bugbear central!

This is for Justin Onuekwusi. Death to his bugbear! Death to all bugbears!

And I'm sure Justin ain't the only one[1], and hold on to your souls!!! / we'll spin this bugbear (hobgoblin!) away if it's the last thing we ever do / this is commitment![1], and I'm sure Justin ain't the only one[2], and one spin, two spins, three spins - more than the THREE?[1], and hold on to your souls!!! / we'll spin this bugbear (hobgoblin!) away if it's the last thing we ever do / this is commitment![2], and Justin has to be taken seriously / they seem to have a serious problem at Legal & General Investment Management[1], and one spin, two spins, three spins - more than the THREE?[2], and / one of Europe's largest institutional asset managers and a major global investor ... infested with bugbears? YES!!![1], and Justin has to be taken seriously / they seem to have a serious problem at Legal & General Investment Management[2], and / really?! bugbears?! / it doesn't bear thinking about, does it?[1], and / one of Europe's largest institutional asset managers and a major global investor ... infested with bugbears? YES!!![2], and let's get Justin's bugbear DIZZY unto death - yeah, the only "away" these bastards understand[1], and / really?! bugbears?! / it doesn't bear thinking about, does it?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... here we are, me, Justin, YOU(!) ... and bugbear (for now)[1], and let's get Justin's bugbear DIZZY unto death - yeah, the only "away" these bastards understand[2], and / Our clients include institutional pension funds, financial institutions, local authorities and sovereign wealth funds - tell it to the bugbears!!![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... here we are, me, Justin, YOU(!) ... and bugbear (for now)[2], and how many fund managers have to be driven half insane before the industry does something?[1], and / Our clients include institutional pension funds, financial institutions, local authorities and sovereign wealth funds - tell it to the bugbears!!![2], and / 'Thank God for Michael Fowke, the world's foremost financial shaman!' / Thank you, Voice[1], and how many fund managers have to be driven half insane before the industry does something?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, hold on!!! / bugbear seen better days, ha![1], and / 'Thank God for Michael Fowke, the world's foremost financial shaman!' / Thank you, Voice[2], and it won't be long, Justin[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, hold on!!! / bugbear seen better days, ha![2], and I get so high a-ROUND here ... don't you?[1], and it won't be long, Justin[2], and this is what I was born for! / I don't want Justin's money, man / just the satisfaction[1], and I get so high a-ROUND here ... don't you?[2], and I'm sure Justin ain't the only one[3], and this is what I was born for! / I don't want Justin's money, man / just the satisfaction[2], and hold on to your souls!!! / we'll spin this bugbear (hobgoblin!) away if it's the last thing we ever do / this is commitment![3], and one spin, two spins, three spins - more than the THREE?[3], and Justin has to be taken seriously / they seem to have a serious problem at Legal & General Investment Management[3], and / one of Europe's largest institutional asset managers and a major global investor ... infested with bugbears? YES!!![3], and / really?! bugbears?! / it doesn't bear thinking about, does it?[3], and let's get Justin's bugbear DIZZY unto death - yeah, the only "away" these bastards understand[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... here we are, me, Justin, YOU(!) ... and bugbear (for now)[3], and / Our clients include institutional pension funds, financial institutions, local authorities and sovereign wealth funds - tell it to the bugbears!!![3], and how many fund managers have to be driven half insane before the industry does something?[3], and / 'Thank God for Michael Fowke, the world's foremost financial shaman!' / Thank you, Voice[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, hold on!!! / bugbear seen better days, ha![3], and it won't be long, Justin[3], and I get so high a-ROUND here ... don't you?[3], and this is what I was born for! / I don't want Justin's money, man / just the satisfaction[3], and

And I'm sure Justin ain't the only one[1], and hold on to your souls!!! / we'll spin this bugbear (hobgoblin!) away if it's the last thing we ever do / this is commitment![1], and I'm sure Justin ain't the only one[2], and one spin, two spins, three spins - more than the THREE?[1], and hold on to your souls!!! / we'll spin this bugbear (hobgoblin!) away if it's the last thing we ever do / this is commitment![2], and Justin has to be taken seriously / they seem to have a serious problem at Legal & General Investment Management[1], and one spin, two spins, three spins - more than the THREE?[2], and / one of Europe's largest institutional asset managers and a major global investor ... infested with bugbears? YES!!![1], and Justin has to be taken seriously / they seem to have a serious problem at Legal & General Investment Management[2], and / really?! bugbears?! / it doesn't bear thinking about, does it?[1], and / one of Europe's largest institutional asset managers and a major global investor ... infested with bugbears? YES!!![2], and let's get Justin's bugbear DIZZY unto death - yeah, the only "away" these bastards understand[1], and / really?! bugbears?! / it doesn't bear thinking about, does it?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... here we are, me, Justin, YOU(!) ... and bugbear (for now)[1], and let's get Justin's bugbear DIZZY unto death - yeah, the only "away" these bastards understand[2], and / Our clients include institutional pension funds, financial institutions, local authorities and sovereign wealth funds - tell it to the bugbears!!![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... here we are, me, Justin, YOU(!) ... and bugbear (for now)[2], and how many fund managers have to be driven half insane before the industry does something?[1], and / Our clients include institutional pension funds, financial institutions, local authorities and sovereign wealth funds - tell it to the bugbears!!![2], and / 'Thank God for Michael Fowke, the world's foremost financial shaman!' / Thank you, Voice[1], and how many fund managers have to be driven half insane before the industry does something?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, hold on!!! / bugbear seen better days, ha![1], and / 'Thank God for Michael Fowke, the world's foremost financial shaman!' / Thank you, Voice[2], and it won't be long, Justin[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, hold on!!! / bugbear seen better days, ha![2], and I get so high a-ROUND here ... don't you?[1], and it won't be long, Justin[2], and this is what I was born for! / I don't want Justin's money, man / just the satisfaction[1], and I get so high a-ROUND here ... don't you?[2], and I'm sure Justin ain't the only one[3], and this is what I was born for! / I don't want Justin's money, man / just the satisfaction[2], and hold on to your souls!!! / we'll spin this bugbear (hobgoblin!) away if it's the last thing we ever do / this is commitment![3], and one spin, two spins, three spins - more than the THREE?[3], and Justin has to be taken seriously / they seem to have a serious problem at Legal & General Investment Management[3], and / one of Europe's largest institutional asset managers and a major global investor ... infested with bugbears? YES!!![3], and / really?! bugbears?! / it doesn't bear thinking about, does it?[3], and let's get Justin's bugbear DIZZY unto death - yeah, the only "away" these bastards understand[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... here we are, me, Justin, YOU(!) ... and bugbear (for now)[3], and / Our clients include institutional pension funds, financial institutions, local authorities and sovereign wealth funds - tell it to the bugbears!!![3], and how many fund managers have to be driven half insane before the industry does something?[3], and / 'Thank God for Michael Fowke, the world's foremost financial shaman!' / Thank you, Voice[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, hold on!!! / bugbear seen better days, ha![3], and it won't be long, Justin[3], and I get so high a-ROUND here ... don't you?[3], and this is what I was born for! / I don't want Justin's money, man / just the satisfaction[3], and

And I'm sure Justin ain't the only one[1], and hold on to your souls!!! / we'll spin this bugbear (hobgoblin!) away if it's the last thing we ever do / this is commitment![1], and I'm sure Justin ain't the only one[2], and one spin, two spins, three spins - more than the THREE?[1], and hold on to your souls!!! / we'll spin this bugbear (hobgoblin!) away if it's the last thing we ever do / this is commitment![2], and Justin has to be taken seriously / they seem to have a serious problem at Legal & General Investment Management[1], and one spin, two spins, three spins - more than the THREE?[2], and / one of Europe's largest institutional asset managers and a major global investor ... infested with bugbears? YES!!![1], and Justin has to be taken seriously / they seem to have a serious problem at Legal & General Investment Management[2], and / really?! bugbears?! / it doesn't bear thinking about, does it?[1], and / one of Europe's largest institutional asset managers and a major global investor ... infested with bugbears? YES!!![2], and let's get Justin's bugbear DIZZY unto death - yeah, the only "away" these bastards understand[1], and / really?! bugbears?! / it doesn't bear thinking about, does it?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... here we are, me, Justin, YOU(!) ... and bugbear (for now)[1], and let's get Justin's bugbear DIZZY unto death - yeah, the only "away" these bastards understand[2], and / Our clients include institutional pension funds, financial institutions, local authorities and sovereign wealth funds - tell it to the bugbears!!![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... here we are, me, Justin, YOU(!) ... and bugbear (for now)[2], and how many fund managers have to be driven half insane before the industry does something?[1], and / Our clients include institutional pension funds, financial institutions, local authorities and sovereign wealth funds - tell it to the bugbears!!![2], and / 'Thank God for Michael Fowke, the world's foremost financial shaman!' / Thank you, Voice[1], and how many fund managers have to be driven half insane before the industry does something?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, hold on!!! / bugbear seen better days, ha![1], and / 'Thank God for Michael Fowke, the world's foremost financial shaman!' / Thank you, Voice[2], and it won't be long, Justin[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, hold on!!! / bugbear seen better days, ha![2], and I get so high a-ROUND here ... don't you?[1], and it won't be long, Justin[2], and this is what I was born for! / I don't want Justin's money, man / just the satisfaction[1], and I get so high a-ROUND here ... don't you?[2], and I'm sure Justin ain't the only one[3], and this is what I was born for! / I don't want Justin's money, man / just the satisfaction[2], and hold on to your souls!!! / we'll spin this bugbear (hobgoblin!) away if it's the last thing we ever do / this is commitment![3], and one spin, two spins, three spins - more than the THREE?[3], and Justin has to be taken seriously / they seem to have a serious problem at Legal & General Investment Management[3], and / one of Europe's largest institutional asset managers and a major global investor ... infested with bugbears? YES!!![3], and / really?! bugbears?! / it doesn't bear thinking about, does it?[3], and let's get Justin's bugbear DIZZY unto death - yeah, the only "away" these bastards understand[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... here we are, me, Justin, YOU(!) ... and bugbear (for now)[3], and / Our clients include institutional pension funds, financial institutions, local authorities and sovereign wealth funds - tell it to the bugbears!!![3], and how many fund managers have to be driven half insane before the industry does something?[3], and / 'Thank God for Michael Fowke, the world's foremost financial shaman!' / Thank you, Voice[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, hold on!!! / bugbear seen better days, ha![3], and it won't be long, Justin[3], and I get so high a-ROUND here ... don't you?[3], and this is what I was born for! / I don't want Justin's money, man / just the satisfaction[3], and

Justin Onuekwusi has got a bugbear

Basically, a hobgoblin. That's what we’re talking about. / Do you remember Justin Onuekwusi, dear reader(s)? I told you last year that he was leaving Aviva Investors to pursue other opportunities. I thought he was going to be smart and get out of finance, but no(!), Justin has turned up at Legal & General Investment Management as a multi-asset fund manager, which is the same job he was doing before. But the grass isn't always greener! Well, certainly not in this case because poor Justin has got a bugbear now. Basically, a hobgoblin.

Justin phoned me late last night: Mikey, can you help me? (What's the problem, Justin?) You know what a bugbear is, yeah? An imaginary being invoked to frighten children, typically a sort of hobgoblin supposed to devour them. (Yeah.) Well, I've got one, man. It latched on to me at the new job. (So? It's imaginary, ain't it? What's the fucking problem?) The problem, Mikey, is that these things are real, you dig? At least mine is. It won't let me sleep at night, and I'm messing up at work. I've started thinking that risk-rated and risk-targeted are the same. That's how confused I am. (Oh, because they have risk in the name, I suppose. Yeah, it sounds serious, Justin, even though you're not a child. But what do you want me to do about it?) Well, you're the shaman. Work your magic! (Work my magic? What's in it for me?) Oh, come on, Mikey. There's nothing I can give a man like you. Unless you want money ... (Forget money, son. I just want you to think about your life. Will you do that for me?) What do you mean? (I mean, why did you leave Aviva Investors just to get mixed up with this bugbear at Legal & General, eh? How is your life any better?) I don't know, Mikey. I don't know what I'm doing any more. (Get out of finance, Justin.) I can't! I'm trapped.

The conversation got a bit personal after that, all his problems ... / Trapped! He's not trapped. Everyone has the power to change their life.

Anyway, after lunch, I'll be taking Justin and his bugbear for a spin, No. 206. The idea is, Justin holds on to his soul while I spin the bugbear away (not the same as yesterday). It'll be a piece of piss.

[No. 205] I'll give everyone a nosebleed

Every word is a punch.

And / come closer[1], and it's got to be every word - if we're serious / Am I serious? You bet![1], and / come closer[2], and look at this WORD - WHACK!!![1], and it's got to be every word - if we're serious / Am I serious? You bet![2], and it's got to be every spin[1], and look at this WORD - WHACK!!![2], and / oh, hold on!!! / so DIZZY, yeah?[1], and it's got to be every spin[2], and it's all about greed - I want more spinning, more dizziness, for all of us, you dig?[1], and / oh, hold on!!! / so DIZZY, yeah?[2], and all the words in the cosmos! / 'Eh?' / Words unknown![1], and it's all about greed - I want more spinning, more dizziness, for all of us, you dig?[2], and if you're not bleeding, if you're not burning, what use are you? / I wanna get back to the good old days![1], and all the words in the cosmos! / 'Eh?' / Words unknown![2], and / Whack! Whack! Whack![1], and if you're not bleeding, if you're not burning, what use are you? / I wanna get back to the good old days![2], and your nose, ha! / Don't get upset / it's the price you have to pay / wisdom ain't cheap[1], and / Whack! Whack! Whack![2], and when the miserable slaves come to me ... / there's nothing I love more than punching some sense into them[1], and your nose, ha! / Don't get upset / it's the price you have to pay / wisdom ain't cheap[2], and it's ... TOUGH LOVE!!![1], and when the miserable slaves come to me ... / there's nothing I love more than punching some sense into them[2], and give me a kiss! / oh, it's your blood on my face that will make my day / believe![1], and it's ... TOUGH LOVE!!![2], and it's either the fists of my words or the razor of my emotions - real love, real hatred![1], and give me a kiss! / oh, it's your blood on my face that will make my day / believe![2], and this is for YOU(!), all this[1], and it's either the fists of my words or the razor of my emotions - real love, real hatred![2], and you're on the floor, yes, physically ... but your soul is away with the fairies[1], and this is for YOU(!), all this[2], and / how do you feel? / do you feel?[1], and you're on the floor, yes, physically ... but your soul is away with the fairies[2], and / come closer[3], and / how do you feel? / do you feel?[2], and it's got to be every word - if we're serious / Am I serious? You bet![3], and look at this WORD - WHACK!!![3], and it's got to be every spin[3], and / oh, hold on!!! / so DIZZY, yeah?[3], and it's all about greed - I want more spinning, more dizziness, for all of us, you dig?[3], and all the words in the cosmos! / 'Eh?' / Words unknown![3], and if you're not bleeding, if you're not burning, what use are you? / I wanna get back to the good old days![3], and / Whack! Whack! Whack![3], and your nose, ha! / Don't get upset / it's the price you have to pay / wisdom ain't cheap[3], and when the miserable slaves come to me ... / there's nothing I love more than punching some sense into them[3], and it's ... TOUGH LOVE!!![3], and give me a kiss! / oh, it's your blood on my face that will make my day / believe![3], and it's either the fists of my words or the razor of my emotions - real love, real hatred![3], and this is for YOU(!), all this[3], and you're on the floor, yes, physically ... but your soul is away with the fairies[3], and / how do you feel? / do you feel?[3], and

And / come closer[1], and it's got to be every word - if we're serious / Am I serious? You bet![1], and / come closer[2], and look at this WORD - WHACK!!![1], and it's got to be every word - if we're serious / Am I serious? You bet![2], and it's got to be every spin[1], and look at this WORD - WHACK!!![2], and / oh, hold on!!! / so DIZZY, yeah?[1], and it's got to be every spin[2], and it's all about greed - I want more spinning, more dizziness, for all of us, you dig?[1], and / oh, hold on!!! / so DIZZY, yeah?[2], and all the words in the cosmos! / 'Eh?' / Words unknown![1], and it's all about greed - I want more spinning, more dizziness, for all of us, you dig?[2], and if you're not bleeding, if you're not burning, what use are you? / I wanna get back to the good old days![1], and all the words in the cosmos! / 'Eh?' / Words unknown![2], and / Whack! Whack! Whack![1], and if you're not bleeding, if you're not burning, what use are you? / I wanna get back to the good old days![2], and your nose, ha! / Don't get upset / it's the price you have to pay / wisdom ain't cheap[1], and / Whack! Whack! Whack![2], and when the miserable slaves come to me ... / there's nothing I love more than punching some sense into them[1], and your nose, ha! / Don't get upset / it's the price you have to pay / wisdom ain't cheap[2], and it's ... TOUGH LOVE!!![1], and when the miserable slaves come to me ... / there's nothing I love more than punching some sense into them[2], and give me a kiss! / oh, it's your blood on my face that will make my day / believe![1], and it's ... TOUGH LOVE!!![2], and it's either the fists of my words or the razor of my emotions - real love, real hatred![1], and give me a kiss! / oh, it's your blood on my face that will make my day / believe![2], and this is for YOU(!), all this[1], and it's either the fists of my words or the razor of my emotions - real love, real hatred![2], and you're on the floor, yes, physically ... but your soul is away with the fairies[1], and this is for YOU(!), all this[2], and / how do you feel? / do you feel?[1], and you're on the floor, yes, physically ... but your soul is away with the fairies[2], and / come closer[3], and / how do you feel? / do you feel?[2], and it's got to be every word - if we're serious / Am I serious? You bet![3], and look at this WORD - WHACK!!![3], and it's got to be every spin[3], and / oh, hold on!!! / so DIZZY, yeah?[3], and it's all about greed - I want more spinning, more dizziness, for all of us, you dig?[3], and all the words in the cosmos! / 'Eh?' / Words unknown![3], and if you're not bleeding, if you're not burning, what use are you? / I wanna get back to the good old days![3], and / Whack! Whack! Whack![3], and your nose, ha! / Don't get upset / it's the price you have to pay / wisdom ain't cheap[3], and when the miserable slaves come to me ... / there's nothing I love more than punching some sense into them[3], and it's ... TOUGH LOVE!!![3], and give me a kiss! / oh, it's your blood on my face that will make my day / believe![3], and it's either the fists of my words or the razor of my emotions - real love, real hatred![3], and this is for YOU(!), all this[3], and you're on the floor, yes, physically ... but your soul is away with the fairies[3], and / how do you feel? / do you feel?[3], and

And / come closer[1], and it's got to be every word - if we're serious / Am I serious? You bet![1], and / come closer[2], and look at this WORD - WHACK!!![1], and it's got to be every word - if we're serious / Am I serious? You bet![2], and it's got to be every spin[1], and look at this WORD - WHACK!!![2], and / oh, hold on!!! / so DIZZY, yeah?[1], and it's got to be every spin[2], and it's all about greed - I want more spinning, more dizziness, for all of us, you dig?[1], and / oh, hold on!!! / so DIZZY, yeah?[2], and all the words in the cosmos! / 'Eh?' / Words unknown![1], and it's all about greed - I want more spinning, more dizziness, for all of us, you dig?[2], and if you're not bleeding, if you're not burning, what use are you? / I wanna get back to the good old days![1], and all the words in the cosmos! / 'Eh?' / Words unknown![2], and / Whack! Whack! Whack![1], and if you're not bleeding, if you're not burning, what use are you? / I wanna get back to the good old days![2], and your nose, ha! / Don't get upset / it's the price you have to pay / wisdom ain't cheap[1], and / Whack! Whack! Whack![2], and when the miserable slaves come to me ... / there's nothing I love more than punching some sense into them[1], and your nose, ha! / Don't get upset / it's the price you have to pay / wisdom ain't cheap[2], and it's ... TOUGH LOVE!!![1], and when the miserable slaves come to me ... / there's nothing I love more than punching some sense into them[2], and give me a kiss! / oh, it's your blood on my face that will make my day / believe![1], and it's ... TOUGH LOVE!!![2], and it's either the fists of my words or the razor of my emotions - real love, real hatred![1], and give me a kiss! / oh, it's your blood on my face that will make my day / believe![2], and this is for YOU(!), all this[1], and it's either the fists of my words or the razor of my emotions - real love, real hatred![2], and you're on the floor, yes, physically ... but your soul is away with the fairies[1], and this is for YOU(!), all this[2], and / how do you feel? / do you feel?[1], and you're on the floor, yes, physically ... but your soul is away with the fairies[2], and / come closer[3], and / how do you feel? / do you feel?[2], and it's got to be every word - if we're serious / Am I serious? You bet![3], and look at this WORD - WHACK!!![3], and it's got to be every spin[3], and / oh, hold on!!! / so DIZZY, yeah?[3], and it's all about greed - I want more spinning, more dizziness, for all of us, you dig?[3], and all the words in the cosmos! / 'Eh?' / Words unknown![3], and if you're not bleeding, if you're not burning, what use are you? / I wanna get back to the good old days![3], and / Whack! Whack! Whack![3], and your nose, ha! / Don't get upset / it's the price you have to pay / wisdom ain't cheap[3], and when the miserable slaves come to me ... / there's nothing I love more than punching some sense into them[3], and it's ... TOUGH LOVE!!![3], and give me a kiss! / oh, it's your blood on my face that will make my day / believe![3], and it's either the fists of my words or the razor of my emotions - real love, real hatred![3], and this is for YOU(!), all this[3], and you're on the floor, yes, physically ... but your soul is away with the fairies[3], and / how do you feel? / do you feel?[3], and

Sebastian Lyon says investors are so greedy now that they're getting nosebleeds

You know Sebastian Lyon, right, the Troy Asset Management guy? I've written about him before. Well, he's moaning about investors getting blood all over his expensive tailor-made suits. He says there's no fear no more when it comes to stocks, only greed. His says investors are bouncing around on a high tightrope - and bleeding all over him. (Move out of the way, Sebastian!) It's the greed that makes them bleed, apparently. / I don't know what he's talking about, to be honest with you, dear reader(s). I only know that in the old days of blood and fire we didn't worry about such stuff, yeah? In the desert if you got blooded, if you got burnt, it was something to be proud of. / Times have changed, man. These kids today ...

...

I'm listening to A Hard Day's Night - the album. Quite a few mistakes, which is cheering me up. If The Beatles are allowed to make mistakes, I am as well. McCartney's voice cracks pretty badly at 1.45 on If I Fell. There's loads of clicking throughout I'll Cry Instead. / I changed my guitar strings yesterday. A lot of my recent bad playing was down to knackered strings. You don't notice until you hear the beautiful sounds of fresh Martin strings. (Light 80/20 bronze, for your information.) / I might watch the A Hard Day's Night film tonight, after my hard day's blogging. Lionel Blair is in the film, dancing around. Each to their own, I suppose.

No. 205? I'll give everyone a nosebleed. You wait and see. / I've got a nice cheese sandwich for lunch, some crisps, a yoghurt, and a can of Coke. No surprises. I don't want any surprises, man.

Gabriel Plotkin wants his own hedge fund

Christ! Give me a break! / Yeah, I'm sick of these characters who want their own hedge funds. (Are you one of them, dear reader{{s}}?!) There's more to life than having your own hedge fund, okay?! Look out the window, man! It's a beautiful sunny day. You could be in the park ... eating an ice cream. You could be improving your bass guitar skills ... getting ready to join my band. / Jesus! Please!

Anyway, who is this Gabriel Plotkin? Oh, he's just some guy who works for Stevie as a portfolio manager. Stevie's going to give Gabby some money when he leaves, a few dollars for ... a new pair of shoes. 'Eh?' / So ... / Is there anything else you need to know, dear reader(s)? 'Mikey -' You probably know more about this shit than me. 'Not really.' I mean, you probably read about it on the Reuters website. 'No. I didn't.' I don't know. And I don't care.

It goes without saying that Gabby - 'Gabby?!' - yeah, it, er, what was I ... yeah, it doesn't need to be said. 'What doesn't?' That, this, er, hedge fund doesn't have a name, you know, the usual pie ... 'Pie?' In ... 'The sky?' Yeah. 'He'll get a name for it, this Gabriel. They all get a name in the end.' Do they? A lot of the time I don't bother to ... check up. It's just an endless stream ...

Obviously, it goes without saying that I wish Mr Plotkin all the best. I'm not going to be a bastard and say that I want the hedge fund to fail. (I would never do that.) It's just ... you know. I get tired of saying it ... you know how I feel by now, surely?

This ... / It's a ... it's a real struggle for me. My head's all over the place this afternoon. I was ... / I've been looking at guitars online. Oh, I know a good workman doesn't blame his tools, but maybe I need a better guitar ... / Maybe I should switch to piano/keyboards. It's easier. I was always ... 'Life on Mars? - ?' Yeah, exactly. / Real easy. And The Jean Genie. 'Nice. Oh, I like The Jean Genie, boss.' We all like The Jean Genie, Voice. It's not jazz though.