Wednesday, 1 July 2009

Keydata Investment Services: where's all the friggin' money?

You may well ask, dear reader. You may well ask. £103 million! Missing! Just like that! The Serious Fraud Office has been called in. That's how serious it is. PricewaterhouseCoopers has been talking about irregularities! I don't blame the firm. A planned sale of Keydata can't go ahead now. Damn! I was looking forward to that.

So, who's to blame? Well, I had a dream last night. I have a dream every night. That's the kind of guy I am. But this dream could give the SFO some clues. Check this, man -

I dreamt I was floating on a cloud, high as a kite, and surrounded by mirrors. I looked in one mirror and saw my sheeted and shaded face. But I don't cover myself up like that no more. Strange! I looked in another mirror - still floating around, by the way, this cloud, the mirrors, totally nutty environment - and I saw my face, without the sheet or the shades. Nothing wrong with that. Then I looked in one more mirror - there were hundreds of mirrors, I wasn't going to spend the whole freakin' dream looking in mirrors, I'm a busy man - and in this mirror I saw the face of Jack Pickles! And he spoke to me: Michael, the money is mine, the money is yours, the money is ours, the money is Satan's. It belongs to us. I am you, you are me, and this is something beyond brotherhood. Soulmates? Don't make me laugh. Our bond is stronger. £103 million! £103 million! £103 million! Burn it to a crisp! Black as our hearts! Together with the ashes!

Well, as you can imagine, dear reader, I woke up screaming. I don't give a toss about the money. Jack obviously has it. Let him keep it. None of my business. I haven't got the energy to go chasing after him. The SFO can sort it. And good luck to them. They are going to need it. But it was what Jack said! Our bond is stronger. Jesus H. Christ! What did he mean? Oh God, I don't even want to think about what he meant. Self-knowledge can be dangerous. The truth about yourself, at night, can be very dangerous. When you look at yourself in a dream mirror, you can find demons, ghosts from another life, all kinds of shit. Yeah, sure, you might see a couple of angels. That's not impossible. I've known it happen. But is it worth taking the risk? Surely the best thing is to avoid mirrors in dreams from now on.