Tuesday, 14 July 2009

McGraw-Hill may sell BusinessWeek for $1

Well, so what? What's that got to do with me? I've never read the magazine. Don't know anything about it. But Arthur Simmons phones me this morning. He's normally a very sensible guy - not a freakin' nut like Keith. But Arthur has got an idea in his head now. Check this shit -

'Michael, we've got to buy BusinessWeek. Just one dollar. Can you believe that? It's well within our price range. (Arthur, what do we want a magazine for? Get real.) Listen, Mike, we buy the magazine and change its name - Mystical BusinessWeek. Then we do our thing, our way. (And what about all the journalists who work for BusinessWeek? How are they going to feel about it?) Oh man, we sack those squares, man. Bring in our own team. (Oh yeah, who?) Keith, Maurice, Susan, David. (And you think I'll be writing for the magazine?) Yeah, Mike. Why not? (I'll tell you why not. I've got enough on my plate just writing one blog post every day. And I've got a novel to write. And I ain't even interested in old media, man. Fuck that shit.) Mikey, you really make me laugh. You can't write more than one blog post a day? What is it with you? What about your readers, man? You're letting them down. (Arthur, my readers know I'm an artist. After T.S. Eliot wrote the Waste Land, his readers had to wait three years for that Hollow Men shit. Three years, Arthur! So give me a fucking break.) Michael, you're some piece of work, you know that? Comparing himself to Eliot now. You're supposed to be a fucking shaman, for Christ's sake! Let's focus on fucking business! Let's buy the magazine. (Old media, man. Ain't interested.) What about this fucking novel of yours? If it ever sees the light of day, it's gonna be printed on paper, right? And there's you, the big internet freak. What a fucking joke! What you writing about anyway? (That's none of your fucking business, Arthur.) Your adventures on the astral plane? (No.) Banking, hedge funds, and shit? (No.) Characters like Andy Stewart are really going to love it when they turn up in some half-arsed novel. (I ain't writing about banking. So fuck you, Arthur.) Fuck you too, Mike.'

Don't worry, dear reader. Arthur and I rarely fall out, but when we do we always make up again. I'll let him calm down a bit. Probably go for a spin with him on the plane tonight. I ain't buying BusinessWeek though.