This is an absolute fucking outrage. I'm trying to control my temper here, dear reader, but it is not easy. Not easy at all. An outrage! Lord Turner, chairman of the Financial Services Authority, has been talking about 'revolution'. But not mystical revolution, oh no. HE WANTS TO QUELL THE ANIMAL SPIRITS OF BANKERS!!! I shit you not! Can you believe the nerve of this guy? This guy has some balls.
I have been speaking to Arthur Simmons about Lord Turner. Boy, is Arthur angry! This is what he said: 'What fucking planet is Lord Turner from? Mike, I'm asking you, what sick, screwed-up world does this man live in? Everyone knows how important animal spirits are to shamans. (Our bread and butter, Arthur.) Exactly. And we all know how important it is to have bankers who have the 'animal spirit' in them. (Fuckin' A!) What about the jaguar and its shape-shifting soul work? (Couldn't live without it.) What about the orca, helping us find our souls' songs? (I know.) What about the little fucking chipmunk, moving freely in the void? Or is that the rook? Sometimes I forget, myself. (It's the rook, Arthur.) Thanks. Yeah, the fucking rook. And does Lord Turner want to do away with all that? (That's what he's saying.) The man is insane! Mikey, the man has lost it. (We need animal spirits, Arthur.) Of course we fucking do. I recently had a few bankers at my college - from that fucking commie bank RBS, but that's another story - and these characters had lost their animal spirits. (Or, more likely, had them taken away.) Yeah, much more likely. Some communist fucking government nutjob had probably been to work on them already. But the point is: no animal spirits. And these guys, Mike, believe me, they were pathetic. Broken down, sad, sad, sad people. (Nothing left to hope for.) No, nothing at all. (And that's what Lord Turner wants, Arthur.) It's a fucking tragedy. That the banking world has come to this. (We've lived too long. Seen too much.) Yeah. I know you're joking, Mike, but that's how I feel sometimes. What can we do about it? (We have to fight them, Arthur. Maybe we should look to the hedgies.) Maybe. I don't know. I'm just … I don't know.'
Lord Turner better hope he doesn't bump into either Arthur or myself any time soon on the astral plane. Not that he would have a fucking clue what the astral plane was anyway. Bastard.