Wednesday, 28 January 2015

Crispin Odey and the mist and the darkness

What's all this about?! You're probably wondering, dear reader(s). Well, our Crispin, founder of Odey Asset Management, is saying that we've entered yet another economic downturn that people will still be talking about in a thousand years time. (The people who survive, I presume.) And he says the equity markets will be devastated. 'Really upset, yeah?' No, devastated, Voice.

Of course, it won't be a problem for Crispin because if things get too bad he'll just be able to fly away in his beautiful balloon. Up, up and away! 'Love is waiting there, boss.' It certainly is! Crispin is a lucky man. 'You make your own luck in this world.' Well ... I suppose Crispin has been smart enough to prepare his balloon while everyone else in the City has been messing around making money.

'But what about the mist and darkness, Mikey?' Oh yeah. Crispin is saying that it's too difficult to know exactly what will happen because of the, er ... mist and darkness. 'Oh.' It sounds to me like he has a defective crystal ball. 'Yeah.' I mean, if your ball is working properly the mist only lasts for thirty seconds or so at the very start of the fortune-telling session. 'Maybe Crispin is defective. He might not know how to work the ball.' That's possible, Voice.


Oh, that's enough! There's only so much nonsense I can write about in one day. If Crispin isn't going to be serious ...

Anything else? Not really. I'll be writing a conceptual after lunch, No. 287. 'What about?' I don't know yet. 'A beautiful balloon?' I've just said I've had enough nonsense, man. 'Well, make it sensible, and serious. Take Crispin's balloon and ...' And what, exactly? / Oh, maybe, Voice. What else am I going to write about? I'll see how I feel after my cheese and pickle sandwich. Tesco. £1.70.

NO! 'What?' Take a look at No. 196. 'Damn!' Never mind. 'Write about the mist and the darkness then.'

Mist and darkness. (Sarcastic.) Great! / I need some music. What have I got? 'Purple Rain?' All right.