Monday, 5 January 2015

Michael Craig-Scheckman says you're all making mistakes

Not the hedgies out there, I don't think. Just the bankers. The bankers are all making mistakes, and Michael Craig-Scheckman is making money out of these mistakes. 'What are you going on about, boss? Who on earth is Michael Craig-Scheckman?' You haven't heard of Michael Craig-Scheckman?! Our Mickey? 'No.' Well, neither have I. (Until today.) But that doesn't matter. Mickey is the boss/president of hedge fund Deer Park Road Corporation, over in America, Colorado. And he says bankers on Wall Street are stupid. 'Does he?' Well, words like it. I'm paraphrasing. 'You're making shit up, Mikey.' No I'm not. Mickey makes his money from bankers' silly mistakes. Apparently, bankers have been selling stuff for dollars and Mickey has been buying it for pennies or, er, cents. 'What stuff?' Junk, I suppose. 'Like a mound of refuse or the sweepings of a street?' Eh? 'Old kettles, old bottles, and a broken can, old iron, old bones, old rags, that raving slut who keeps the till.' Oh, I get you, Voice. Yeats. Now that my ladder's gone, I must lie down where all the ladders start ... in the foul rag and bone shop of the heart. Well, no. It's nothing like that. We're talking financial junk, toxic junk. 'Complex securities, you mean?' Oh yes. Big time. Bankers hate complex securities now. But our Mickey loves them.

Which reminds me. I know a man who came to London, oh, about twenty years ago, yeah? 'Yeah.' He didn't have a penny to his name. Well, he borrowed a bit of money and bought himself a little handcart. And he went around with this handcart collecting old newspapers. Do you know what he's worth today, Voice? 'No. What?' NOTHING! And he still owes for the handcart!

Let that be a lesson to anyone who's thinking of going into business.


Right, anything else? No.