Monday, 24 June 2019

Who is Kevin?

Ha! I bet you would love to know, dear reader(s), eh?

Oh, and I suppose you want me to tell you all about him now. Like that's my job or something. 'It is your job, boss.' Shut up, Voice!

Well, it's a PR email. Yes. And Kevin is the new chief financial officer. But that's all you're getting. 'Don't be mean, boss. Just tell them, for Christ's sake!' No!

This has got to stop! I'm not here to amuse you, dear reader(s). Like I'm a clown, here to amuse you. 'No one's saying that, man. They just want the news. Give them the news!' No!

I refuse!

'Oh, here's the email, dear reader(s) -'

Voice, don't!!!

'Here it is -'

London, 21 June 2019 - Elder, the third fastest growing startup in the UK, has announced Kevin Fleming as its new Chief Financial Officer.

Elder Technologies, the live-in care startup for social good, today announced Kevin Fleming is joining the care leader as its new Chief Financial Officer (CFO). Kevin joins from iprism Insurance Underwriting Limited, a regulated e-wholesaling business, where he served as interim CFO.

Yeah, okay. I guess you think you're really clever now, Voice. 'I'm just doing my job, as your intern, like.' Great. 'When are you going to pay me?' Dream on!

Christ. We might as well go through with this now ...

"I couldn't be more thrilled to welcome Kevin to Elder, where he will undoubtedly make an immediate impact," says Pete Dowds, CEO and co-founder of Elder. "I am particularly impressed with Kevin's ability to partner with business embarking on a journey of unprecedented growth, while maintaining an unrelenting focus on serving and advocating for his company's customers."

Okay, okay. Pete is "thrilled". Is anyone surprised? I mean, he's either going to be thrilled, or pleased, or delighted. He's not going to be disgusted, is he? People just don't release statements like that, these days.

Uh. I suppose we better hear from our Kevin ...

"Having experienced firsthand the challenges of delivering care and the infectious enthusiasm of all I have met within Elder," Kevin says. "I'm genuinely excited to be given the opportunity to be part of Elder's wonderful team. It's full of talented and passionate people who relish the challenge of turning this broken market on its head and allowing people to age where they want and with dignity."

Okay, okay. Good luck with the new job, Kevin!

Let's finish with a bit about the company -

Elder is the third fastest growing company in the UK by revenue. The company creates the equivalent of an average-sized care home every 12 days. Without putting a shovel in the ground, or without laying out any capital expenditure. Making it the UK's first, long-term alternative to the Care Home.

The company connects families with professional, vetted live-in carers. in over 300 towns and cities nationwide, from south-west England to the Isle of Skye. The company is an introductory agency. It matches self-employed carers to families in need of care. The carer moves into a spare room in the care recipient's home, providing full-time care. In many cases, Elder is able to provide a carer within as little as 24 hours of a family's call.

Fair enough. It's not something I need though. I don't need a carer. 'You've got me, boss. And I live in your head, sort of.' Yeah. Yeah. Aren't I the lucky one?


Right. Anything else? No. Just another fun week of blogging to look forward to. Jesus H - !!! 'You look tired. Why don't you take a week off?' Uh. Maybe soon.