Thursday 9 January 2020

Are you returning any parcels?

Are you, dear reader(s)? Come on! Are you? 'Boss, I presume this is Jinksy again.' Yeah. 'Don't you have any PR emails about hedge funds opening or ... something?' No, Voice, I don't. And even if I did have any, I would still write about our Jinksy and his great love of parcels. 'Why, for God's sake?!' Because I like people who are obsessed, man. Goggins with his running. Musk with his rockets. Me, Fowke with my music. And our Jinksy, uh ... Jinks with his parcels. You dig? / So, let's do this - !!!

Don't return large and heavy items in original packing urges ParcelHero, as returns continue to flood back.

Oh dear! It sounds like an emergency. 'Really? With all the troubles in this world?' Let's give him a chance to explain, Voice ...

This year's Christmas returns peak period has, unusually, continued into the second week in January, says the home delivery expert ParcelHero. As returns continue to flood back, the courier comparison site is warning everyone returning large and heavy items such as unwanted TVs or furniture that the original packaging in which they were delivered may not be safe to be returned in.

Well, well. Listen! People are too materialistic these days. I mean, they should just dump these unwanted - or even wanted - items. Just throw them away! And then live free. 'In the mountains?' They can go to the mountains, if they wish, yes.

Says ParcelHero's Head of Consumer Research, David Jinks MILT: "The courier industry was all set for last Thursday to become 'Takeback Thursday' as millions of unwanted gifts were sent back to stores on the first day back at work. However, returns have actually continued to flood back into the second week of January, probably because many people took extra holiday, and are only now returning to the realities of work and dealing with unwanted or faulty gifts."

Christ! This is turning into a tragedy. 'Of biblical proportions, boss!' Yes, Voice. / Listen, kook(s)! I know that our Jinksy is a strong man, BUT(!) ... he's got to be really concerned now. 'I just hope he's sleeping and eating right. Not neglecting his health, you know?' Yeah. I hope so, too.

But David is concerned that this year there is increasing evidence large and heavy items are being returned without strong enough packaging to stand up to being shipped via couriers' networks. Says David: "If you received a large or heavy item as a gift this year, anything from a baby stroller to a big microwave, it probably arrived using the retailer's or manufacturer's specialist service with vehicles designed around transporting such items. It will have been delivered in packaging that works perfectly for specially designed vehicles; but is probably inadequate for being placed with a normal courier network for return. We strongly recommend anyone returning a heavy item using a courier reads our comprehensive guide to packaging and shipping heavy items."

Okay, reader(s), you heard the man. 'You need his guide, reader(s)!' Yes. It could ... 'Save lives?' Ha! I wouldn't go that far.

Okay, uh ... he's going on and on about pallets now. 'Pallets?' Yeah. 'Does he love pallets as much as he loves parcels?' Ha! Well, that would be utterly perverse. Er ... I'm going to skip all this and just copy and paste his conclusion -

Concludes David: "In working with major couriers across the globe, we have learned that shipping furniture without a pallet is not advisable. Similarly, large fragile items containing glass, ceramics or porcelain, including bath ware such as sinks and toilets, should not be shipped via courier unless they are professionally packaged and palletized."

Right. Okay. 'He couldn't resist mentioning pallets again, boss, could he?' No. It's, uh ... another obsession. Never mind.

ENDS - !!!

Thank God, eh?

...

Anything else? Oh, you want more? This is the last post of the week, man, and I'm tired.

So, see you next week, alligator(s)!