Ha, ha, ha! Not me, I'm glad to say. FFS! 'Eh?! I thought you did have it, boss? Your blog?' Ha! Oh, I don't know, Voice. I mean, it's very depressing. According to this PR email, four in ten startups in the UK fail in the first five years -
New research released by BusinessComparison.com, reveals fresh insight into the best cities in the UK to launch a startup in 2020, showcasing those cities with the best business survival rates, as well as those perhaps worth avoiding.
The research, backed by recently published ONS figures, shows that just 4 in 10 startups in the UK (42.4%) survive their first 5 years in business.
Oh, okay. And what about the other six in ten? Money from rich parents, I presume. 'That's unfair, boss.' Is it? Very few people are business geniuses like Aristotle Onassis, man. He worked as a telephone operator, but in his spare time he put on an expensive suit and pretended to be a tycoon until ... he was one! 'Fake it until you make it!' Exactly! On the rough sea with all that wind.
So, about these cities ...
The research reveals the cities in the UK which are most attractive to those looking to launch a successful business in 2020…
If you want to start a business in the UK this year; move to Bristol if you want the best chance of surviving for 5 years or longer.
Ha, ha, ha! Well, this just tells me that there's lots of lovely middle-class people living in Bristol with lovely parents who are willing to indulge their every whim. 'Don't be like that, boss!' Shut up, idiot!
Okay, okay. What about the other cities?
The only other cities to show a higher survival rate than the national average were Brighton and Hove (44.1%) and Leeds (42.9%).
Yeah, yeah. Then Sheffield, and Cardiff.
But what are the worst cities?
Glasgow, Northampton, Liverpool, Portsmouth, and Plymouth.
[No italics. It's not a quote from the email, just ... never mind. I mean, they were in a chart, box, thing. Don't worry about it.]
[Plymouth? I remember a really cold day in Plymouth, in February 1991. I had to do some food shopping, so I got the coach from Trelawne to Plymouth. It was really cold. And very windy, too.]
No, no, no! Listen! It's too risky starting any sort of business today. Just become a star, my friend(s). Everything else is a mug's game.
...
Right. Anything else? Music? My music?! Well, I didn't do any recording at the weekend, BUT(!) ... I finished a new song, Sell Yourself. / So, the album might look like this -
This World Don't Mean A Thing
Lucky You
Round The Bend
What's This Life We Live?
I Want Everything
Sell Yourself
Love Me
Stella
Malibu
I'm Right Inside
Nothing
Good Times
Twelve tracks, and roughly fifty-one minutes.
I would classify Sell Yourself as a bread-and-butter classic (first class). It was easy to write, and I'm confident that I can write as many songs of this standard as I want. This means I'm on the Lennon and McCartney level now, who could always write great stuff when they wanted to. / Of course, dear kook(s), it's the world-beaters I really want. I've still only got five of those. Oh ... ! ... according to me, yes. Everyone has a different taste. 'Ha!' It's just that my taste is superior. I'm an expert, son! [Daughter!]
What else? There's NOTHING else. I'll be doing a conceptual later though.
Later(s), crocodile(s)!
New research released by BusinessComparison.com, reveals fresh insight into the best cities in the UK to launch a startup in 2020, showcasing those cities with the best business survival rates, as well as those perhaps worth avoiding.
The research, backed by recently published ONS figures, shows that just 4 in 10 startups in the UK (42.4%) survive their first 5 years in business.
Oh, okay. And what about the other six in ten? Money from rich parents, I presume. 'That's unfair, boss.' Is it? Very few people are business geniuses like Aristotle Onassis, man. He worked as a telephone operator, but in his spare time he put on an expensive suit and pretended to be a tycoon until ... he was one! 'Fake it until you make it!' Exactly! On the rough sea with all that wind.
So, about these cities ...
The research reveals the cities in the UK which are most attractive to those looking to launch a successful business in 2020…
If you want to start a business in the UK this year; move to Bristol if you want the best chance of surviving for 5 years or longer.
Ha, ha, ha! Well, this just tells me that there's lots of lovely middle-class people living in Bristol with lovely parents who are willing to indulge their every whim. 'Don't be like that, boss!' Shut up, idiot!
Okay, okay. What about the other cities?
The only other cities to show a higher survival rate than the national average were Brighton and Hove (44.1%) and Leeds (42.9%).
Yeah, yeah. Then Sheffield, and Cardiff.
But what are the worst cities?
Glasgow, Northampton, Liverpool, Portsmouth, and Plymouth.
[No italics. It's not a quote from the email, just ... never mind. I mean, they were in a chart, box, thing. Don't worry about it.]
[Plymouth? I remember a really cold day in Plymouth, in February 1991. I had to do some food shopping, so I got the coach from Trelawne to Plymouth. It was really cold. And very windy, too.]
No, no, no! Listen! It's too risky starting any sort of business today. Just become a star, my friend(s). Everything else is a mug's game.
...
Right. Anything else? Music? My music?! Well, I didn't do any recording at the weekend, BUT(!) ... I finished a new song, Sell Yourself. / So, the album might look like this -
This World Don't Mean A Thing
Lucky You
Round The Bend
What's This Life We Live?
I Want Everything
Sell Yourself
Love Me
Stella
Malibu
I'm Right Inside
Nothing
Good Times
Twelve tracks, and roughly fifty-one minutes.
I would classify Sell Yourself as a bread-and-butter classic (first class). It was easy to write, and I'm confident that I can write as many songs of this standard as I want. This means I'm on the Lennon and McCartney level now, who could always write great stuff when they wanted to. / Of course, dear kook(s), it's the world-beaters I really want. I've still only got five of those. Oh ... ! ... according to me, yes. Everyone has a different taste. 'Ha!' It's just that my taste is superior. I'm an expert, son! [Daughter!]
What else? There's NOTHING else. I'll be doing a conceptual later though.
Later(s), crocodile(s)!
