Ian Rumens is the global head of private wealth services

Well, well ... / Yeah, from, uh ... Intertrust again. 'Christ!' There's no harm in it, I suppose. 'Is this a PR email, boss?' Yes, Voice. 'Don't you have any others?' Not at the moment, no. Is there a problem? 'Well, I'm just thinking ... Intertrust again, you know?' So? Pat sent it. 'Pat?! Who the bloody hell is Pat?!' Patricia. 'Oh, Patricia. Of course. Yeah, she's all right.' Yeah, she is all right. I'm glad you approve, Voice. / Now, let's get down to business -

Intertrust has announced the appointment of Ian Rumens as Global Head of Private Wealth Services. Ian is based in the Jersey office.

Ian has been part of Intertrust's private wealth team as director since the acquisition of Elian in 2016. He joined Elian in 2009 from an international legal fiduciary firm based in Jersey. Prior to this, Ian spent six years practising as an English solicitor with leading private client practices in London. He therefore has extensive international experience in both the legal and fiduciary fields.

Okay. Nice. There's a picture of him somewhere. Probably in the attachment. I ain't bothered though. 'I doubt he's an oil painting, boss. Finance guy and that.' I know. / Anyway - oh! 'What?' I've just had a cheeky look at his LinkedIn profile. He's been at Intertrust for ten months! 'Ten months?!' Ten months! This is old news, man! 'Ha! That Pat! What a joker!' Well, we've got to continue with it now, ain't we? Hang on! 'What?' The plot thickens. He's been at Intertrust since 2009! 'What?!' This is beyond a joke! 'No, no, no. Read that bit above.' Where? 'ABOVE!!!' Okay. Oh, he was at Elian, which was bought by Intertrust. Well, I'm confused. I really am. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! 'Boss -'

At Intertrust, Ian will be focussed on expanding Intertrust's client base amongst the world's wealthiest families and high net worth individuals. He will lead an experienced international team of professionals within the private wealth business globally to continue to deliver the highest level of service to entrepreneurial individuals who have cross jurisdictional requirements.

Yeah, that doesn't help, son. I just wish Sauce was here. Sauce could clear things up for us. It's a shame I don't have his phone number ... 'Boss! Listen! A voice out of nowhere!' Oh, Christ! Not another one! 'Listen -'

"I am very pleased to welcome Ian to his new role within the business. His appointment ensures continuity of quality and stability to Intertrust's private wealth team and clients. His experience and leadership skills will help us grow this area of our business, bolstering our position as the leading player in the private wealth services industry."

Who the fuck was that?! Seriously. 'It was Sauce.' Are you sure? 'Yes, it was Sauce. That was his voice, definitely. New role within the business, he says.' Okay. Okay. Well, whatever. Thank you, Voice.

Ends.

...

I'm still none the wiser, me. But let's move on, eh? Anything else? Not much. Politics? Er, I don't do politics, dear reader(s), because ... I'm not a goddamn square. However, I will just say I think it's ridiculous the conservatives are pretending that nothing happened last week. 'And they say there's no appetite in the country for another general election, boss.' Ha! There is massive appetite for another election, man.

But laters, yeah?

[No. 520] Strong and stable?

What do you think?

And - believe, yes![1], and, but ... don't think too much, please![1], and - believe, yes![2], and no, no, no[1], and, but ... don't think too much, please![2], and, oh! ... I try my best, kook(s) / and I'm getting better, man![1], and no, no, no[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / I'm strong enough to take it[1], and, oh! ... I try my best, kook(s) / and I'm getting better, man![2], and I hope[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / I'm strong enough to take it[2], and I'm your leader, son, er, daughter, BUT(!) what do you want from me?[1], and I hope[2], and NOTHING should be the answer[1], and I'm your leader, son, er, daughter, BUT(!) what do you want from me?[2], and, uh, because I've had a hard life, want to take it easy now ...[1], and NOTHING should be the answer[2], and positive, negative - does it matter?[1], and, uh, because I've had a hard life, want to take it easy now ...[2], and the more time I spend here, uh, forever ... the better I feel, the better I'm gonna feel, you dig?[1], and positive, negative - does it matter?[2], and it matters for a while, I suppose[1], and the more time I spend here, uh, forever ... the better I feel, the better I'm gonna feel, you dig?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes, feel it, yes, come on, my kook(s)[1], and it matters for a while, I suppose[2], and thought is the poison / I'm lucky to have a massive vision with no words[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes, feel it, yes, come on, my kook(s)[2], and pretty fast, I know[1], and thought is the poison / I'm lucky to have a massive vision with no words[2], and if you feel you're losing your grip, then hold on to me ... / I can't let go because I'm fucking stuck[1], and pretty fast, I know[2], and ain't this a bigger thrill than any rollercoaster?[1], and if you feel you're losing your grip, then hold on to me ... / I can't let go because I'm fucking stuck[2], and, but ... dark clouds![1], and ain't this a bigger thrill than any rollercoaster?[2], and the universe has another five billion years to go, at least, so ... / What are your plans?[1], and, but ... dark clouds![2], and none of us are that strong, that stable[1], and the universe has another five billion years to go, at least, so ... / What are your plans?[2], and look for Alexander, Caesar, Napoleon / Where are they? / Oh, dust in the wind ...[1], and none of us are that strong, that stable[2], and one day ...[1], and look for Alexander, Caesar, Napoleon / Where are they? / Oh, dust in the wind ...[2], and, ha, ha, ha! ... Let's not get depressed now, eh? / Life is so beautiful[1], and one day ...[2], and we'll always get a-ROUND here[1], and, ha, ha, ha! ... Let's not get depressed now, eh? / Life is so beautiful[2], and ... COME ON - !!![1], and we'll always get a-ROUND here[2], and - believe, yes![3], and ... COME ON - !!![2], and, but ... don't think too much, please![3], and no, no, no[3], and, oh! ... I try my best, kook(s) / and I'm getting better, man![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / I'm strong enough to take it[3], and I hope[3], and I'm your leader, son, er, daughter, BUT(!) what do you want from me?[3], and NOTHING should be the answer[3], and, uh, because I've had a hard life, want to take it easy now ...[3], and positive, negative - does it matter?[3], and the more time I spend here, uh, forever ... the better I feel, the better I'm gonna feel, you dig?[3], and it matters for a while, I suppose[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes, feel it, yes, come on, my kook(s)[3], and thought is the poison / I'm lucky to have a massive vision with no words[3], and pretty fast, I know[3], and if you feel you're losing your grip, then hold on to me ... / I can't let go because I'm fucking stuck[3], and ain't this a bigger thrill than any rollercoaster?[3], and, but ... dark clouds![3], and the universe has another five billion years to go, at least, so ... / What are your plans?[3], and none of us are that strong, that stable[3], and look for Alexander, Caesar, Napoleon / Where are they? / Oh, dust in the wind ...[3], and one day ...[3], and, ha, ha, ha! ... Let's not get depressed now, eh? / Life is so beautiful[3], and we'll always get a-ROUND here[3], and ... COME ON - !!![3], and

And - believe, yes![1], and, but ... don't think too much, please![1], and - believe, yes![2], and no, no, no[1], and, but ... don't think too much, please![2], and, oh! ... I try my best, kook(s) / and I'm getting better, man![1], and no, no, no[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / I'm strong enough to take it[1], and, oh! ... I try my best, kook(s) / and I'm getting better, man![2], and I hope[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / I'm strong enough to take it[2], and I'm your leader, son, er, daughter, BUT(!) what do you want from me?[1], and I hope[2], and NOTHING should be the answer[1], and I'm your leader, son, er, daughter, BUT(!) what do you want from me?[2], and, uh, because I've had a hard life, want to take it easy now ...[1], and NOTHING should be the answer[2], and positive, negative - does it matter?[1], and, uh, because I've had a hard life, want to take it easy now ...[2], and the more time I spend here, uh, forever ... the better I feel, the better I'm gonna feel, you dig?[1], and positive, negative - does it matter?[2], and it matters for a while, I suppose[1], and the more time I spend here, uh, forever ... the better I feel, the better I'm gonna feel, you dig?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes, feel it, yes, come on, my kook(s)[1], and it matters for a while, I suppose[2], and thought is the poison / I'm lucky to have a massive vision with no words[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes, feel it, yes, come on, my kook(s)[2], and pretty fast, I know[1], and thought is the poison / I'm lucky to have a massive vision with no words[2], and if you feel you're losing your grip, then hold on to me ... / I can't let go because I'm fucking stuck[1], and pretty fast, I know[2], and ain't this a bigger thrill than any rollercoaster?[1], and if you feel you're losing your grip, then hold on to me ... / I can't let go because I'm fucking stuck[2], and, but ... dark clouds![1], and ain't this a bigger thrill than any rollercoaster?[2], and the universe has another five billion years to go, at least, so ... / What are your plans?[1], and, but ... dark clouds![2], and none of us are that strong, that stable[1], and the universe has another five billion years to go, at least, so ... / What are your plans?[2], and look for Alexander, Caesar, Napoleon / Where are they? / Oh, dust in the wind ...[1], and none of us are that strong, that stable[2], and one day ...[1], and look for Alexander, Caesar, Napoleon / Where are they? / Oh, dust in the wind ...[2], and, ha, ha, ha! ... Let's not get depressed now, eh? / Life is so beautiful[1], and one day ...[2], and we'll always get a-ROUND here[1], and, ha, ha, ha! ... Let's not get depressed now, eh? / Life is so beautiful[2], and ... COME ON - !!![1], and we'll always get a-ROUND here[2], and - believe, yes![3], and ... COME ON - !!![2], and, but ... don't think too much, please![3], and no, no, no[3], and, oh! ... I try my best, kook(s) / and I'm getting better, man![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / I'm strong enough to take it[3], and I hope[3], and I'm your leader, son, er, daughter, BUT(!) what do you want from me?[3], and NOTHING should be the answer[3], and, uh, because I've had a hard life, want to take it easy now ...[3], and positive, negative - does it matter?[3], and the more time I spend here, uh, forever ... the better I feel, the better I'm gonna feel, you dig?[3], and it matters for a while, I suppose[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes, feel it, yes, come on, my kook(s)[3], and thought is the poison / I'm lucky to have a massive vision with no words[3], and pretty fast, I know[3], and if you feel you're losing your grip, then hold on to me ... / I can't let go because I'm fucking stuck[3], and ain't this a bigger thrill than any rollercoaster?[3], and, but ... dark clouds![3], and the universe has another five billion years to go, at least, so ... / What are your plans?[3], and none of us are that strong, that stable[3], and look for Alexander, Caesar, Napoleon / Where are they? / Oh, dust in the wind ...[3], and one day ...[3], and, ha, ha, ha! ... Let's not get depressed now, eh? / Life is so beautiful[3], and we'll always get a-ROUND here[3], and ... COME ON - !!![3], and

And - believe, yes![1], and, but ... don't think too much, please![1], and - believe, yes![2], and no, no, no[1], and, but ... don't think too much, please![2], and, oh! ... I try my best, kook(s) / and I'm getting better, man![1], and no, no, no[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / I'm strong enough to take it[1], and, oh! ... I try my best, kook(s) / and I'm getting better, man![2], and I hope[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / I'm strong enough to take it[2], and I'm your leader, son, er, daughter, BUT(!) what do you want from me?[1], and I hope[2], and NOTHING should be the answer[1], and I'm your leader, son, er, daughter, BUT(!) what do you want from me?[2], and, uh, because I've had a hard life, want to take it easy now ...[1], and NOTHING should be the answer[2], and positive, negative - does it matter?[1], and, uh, because I've had a hard life, want to take it easy now ...[2], and the more time I spend here, uh, forever ... the better I feel, the better I'm gonna feel, you dig?[1], and positive, negative - does it matter?[2], and it matters for a while, I suppose[1], and the more time I spend here, uh, forever ... the better I feel, the better I'm gonna feel, you dig?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes, feel it, yes, come on, my kook(s)[1], and it matters for a while, I suppose[2], and thought is the poison / I'm lucky to have a massive vision with no words[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes, feel it, yes, come on, my kook(s)[2], and pretty fast, I know[1], and thought is the poison / I'm lucky to have a massive vision with no words[2], and if you feel you're losing your grip, then hold on to me ... / I can't let go because I'm fucking stuck[1], and pretty fast, I know[2], and ain't this a bigger thrill than any rollercoaster?[1], and if you feel you're losing your grip, then hold on to me ... / I can't let go because I'm fucking stuck[2], and, but ... dark clouds![1], and ain't this a bigger thrill than any rollercoaster?[2], and the universe has another five billion years to go, at least, so ... / What are your plans?[1], and, but ... dark clouds![2], and none of us are that strong, that stable[1], and the universe has another five billion years to go, at least, so ... / What are your plans?[2], and look for Alexander, Caesar, Napoleon / Where are they? / Oh, dust in the wind ...[1], and none of us are that strong, that stable[2], and one day ...[1], and look for Alexander, Caesar, Napoleon / Where are they? / Oh, dust in the wind ...[2], and, ha, ha, ha! ... Let's not get depressed now, eh? / Life is so beautiful[1], and one day ...[2], and we'll always get a-ROUND here[1], and, ha, ha, ha! ... Let's not get depressed now, eh? / Life is so beautiful[2], and ... COME ON - !!![1], and we'll always get a-ROUND here[2], and - believe, yes![3], and ... COME ON - !!![2], and, but ... don't think too much, please![3], and no, no, no[3], and, oh! ... I try my best, kook(s) / and I'm getting better, man![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / I'm strong enough to take it[3], and I hope[3], and I'm your leader, son, er, daughter, BUT(!) what do you want from me?[3], and NOTHING should be the answer[3], and, uh, because I've had a hard life, want to take it easy now ...[3], and positive, negative - does it matter?[3], and the more time I spend here, uh, forever ... the better I feel, the better I'm gonna feel, you dig?[3], and it matters for a while, I suppose[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes, feel it, yes, come on, my kook(s)[3], and thought is the poison / I'm lucky to have a massive vision with no words[3], and pretty fast, I know[3], and if you feel you're losing your grip, then hold on to me ... / I can't let go because I'm fucking stuck[3], and ain't this a bigger thrill than any rollercoaster?[3], and, but ... dark clouds![3], and the universe has another five billion years to go, at least, so ... / What are your plans?[3], and none of us are that strong, that stable[3], and look for Alexander, Caesar, Napoleon / Where are they? / Oh, dust in the wind ...[3], and one day ...[3], and, ha, ha, ha! ... Let's not get depressed now, eh? / Life is so beautiful[3], and we'll always get a-ROUND here[3], and ... COME ON - !!![3], and

The general election - my analysis

Well, well ... / I was right, wasn't I? The Conservative Party lost its majority and may now have to form a minority government. 'What about the DUP, boss?' Oh, yes, Voice. They will prop the government up for a while, I suppose. However, the best thing would be to have the Labour Party forming a minority government. I mean, they more or less won the election, didn't they? 'Well, yeah ... more or less, boss.' That's what I said, idiot! More or less. They didn't technically win it, but - 'You can say that they won the election ... morally.' Yes. They won it in spirit, as it were.

The question is, dear reader(s): What do we want? Hope, and a bright future? Or austerity, misery, collapse, destruction ... ?! 'It's a no-brainer!' YES! We want a revolution!

Theresa May won't last long. The Conservatives won't last long. The young people who voted for change will keep voting for change. And their numbers will grow.

Brexit is dead now. At the very worst we will have an extremely soft Brexit which will be almost identical to the arrangement we presently have with the European Union. 'But we'll be out of the EU on worse terms!' Slightly out, slightly worse terms, son. That's if it happens at all. Everyone can see now that a full hard Brexit will bring economic ruin to Great Britain. No sensible person will want that on top of the political chaos we already have.

So, who will be the next Conservative leader? 'Ha!' It really doesn't matter. Maybe a hedge fund manager will crawl out of the shadows to take over. Or the editor of the Daily Mail. 'That would make sense, boss. A bit of honesty for a change. It would show the people who's really in charge, like.' Yes, it would certainly be refreshing, Voice. / But it won't save them!

Jeremy Corbyn? Well, the man has grown in stature. I think we all had our doubts about him, dear reader(s). But he's clearly the prime minister in waiting. He just has to strengthen his shadow cabinet, and maybe demote Diane Abbott. I can't see her as home secretary, to be honest with you. 'What about their unrealistic policies, boss?' Ha! Firstly ... they're not unrealistic, man. The rich will lose a bit of money, and the food banks will close. So what? That would be a good thing, surely. Secondly, even if their policies are unrealistic ... SO FUCKING WHAT?! The country is doomed, anyway. We can destroy it the conservative way or the socialist way. WHAT DOES IT MATTER?! 'Eh?! What happened to the message of hope?' Uh ...

Sorry. That was just my natural negativity taking over. I'm sure everything will be fine.

...

Anything else? That's all the news that's fit to print(?). I don't feel like writing about finance today. And I couldn't find any interesting news, so ... 'PR emails?' I haven't received any lately. Only a few at the end of last week, from nutjobs frightened by the election result. We can dismiss them.

No. 520? Later. Laters.

Hamilton Lane Secondary Fund IV - ?

Well, this is interesting. Hamilton Lane wanted $1.25 billion for this thing, right. 'Hamilton Lane? Never heard of him, boss!' It's a firm, stupid. 'Oh.' Look -

Hamilton Lane is an alternative investment management firm providing innovative private markets services to sophisticated investors around the world. The firm has been dedicated to private markets investing for 25 years and currently has 290 employees operating in offices around the world. Hamilton Lane has been named a Best Place to Work by Pensions & Investments for five consecutive years.

Investment firm, see, just like all the others. 'Well, that's a relief.' Yeah, right. Anyway, they wanted $1.25 billion for this thing. 'What thing?' The fund, Voice. The Hamilton Lane Secondary Fund IV. 'Oh, their fourth fund. Why didn't you say?' I did say! They wanted $1.25 billion, okay? 'Yeah. How much have they got?' Well, that's the interesting thing. They've managed to raise $1.9 billion. 'Great! / Er ... the question is, though ...' Yes, why didn't they go for the cool two billion? 'Boss, if you've got $1.9 billion, you may as well as go for the cool $2 billion. Just to keep things neat and tidy, like.' Yes, Voice. That's the way I look at it. / Jesus! Some people ...

Christ! I suppose they have their reasons. I mean, maybe they're exhausted. Look at me. 'You?' Me. I still don't have enough songs for my debut album, you know? 'That's because you're a perfectionist, Mikey.' Yes. But I'm exhausted, too. And maybe they feel the same way. 'It's a real shame.' Well, never mind. You've got to let people make their own choices in life, you dig? If Hamilton Lane are happy with $1.9 billion, then let them be happy with it.

Oh, oh ... the fund is going to invest in proprietarily-sourced single funds, subset portfolios, and complex structured/direct investments. Whatever all that is. I'm no expert, as you know, dear reader(s). 'You're on the mystical side of things, boss.' Thank you, Voice. They know that. I'm the world's foremost financial shaman, dear reader(s). 'They know!' Shut up, man. Please.

...

Anything else? 'Ha!' No, not really. End of the week, ain't it? I've said everything I wanted to say. Of course, I'll be back next week, and I'll have other things to say then - for my sins. 'Ha!' What's the point of it all? Oh, it doesn't matter. It keeps me off the streets.

Laters.

[No. 519] Breakfast, lunch, dinner

All for wimps.

And spin ... NOW - !!![1], and it's a chance to lose weight[1], and spin ... NOW - !!![2], and there'll be no room for wimps in the nightmare of Brexit Britain[1], and it's a chance to lose weight[2], and, oh ... digestives and tea, certainly! / I mean, I'm not saying we should starve[1], and there'll be no room for wimps in the nightmare of Brexit Britain[2], and chocolate digestives may be pushing it[1], and, oh ... digestives and tea, certainly! / I mean, I'm not saying we should starve[2], and the spinning is all we need, ah, not even money / Yes, I honestly believe[1], and chocolate digestives may be pushing it[2], and I'm so busy, man! / 'What an animal!'[1], and the spinning is all we need, ah, not even money / Yes, I honestly believe[2], and hardworking madman[1], and I'm so busy, man! / 'What an animal!'[2], and it's the DIZZY(!) life that makes the world go a-ROUND for us, ain't it, my kook(s)?[1], and hardworking madman[2], and I'm happy with a bag of chips, yes, any time of the day, you dig?[1], and it's the DIZZY(!) life that makes the world go a-ROUND for us, ain't it, my kook(s)?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and my soul has never been so fit and healthy![1], and I'm happy with a bag of chips, yes, any time of the day, you dig?[2], and it's the way of champions[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and my soul has never been so fit and healthy![2], and Canary Wharf? Well, well, well ... / Ha, maybe in another lifetime ...[1], and it's the way of champions[2], and those Pringles, the cheddar and sour cream ones? No, not any more, they've changed the recipe, man[1], and Canary Wharf? Well, well, well ... / Ha, maybe in another lifetime ...[2], and how many laps will YOU(!) be doing ... er, er, er, more than THREE - ?![1], and those Pringles, the cheddar and sour cream ones? No, not any more, they've changed the recipe, man[2], and rather you than me ...[1], and how many laps will YOU(!) be doing ... er, er, er, more than THREE - ?![2], and I presume you're a stranger here / and I can only wish you the best of luck[1], and rather you than me ...[2], and Battenberg cake for me![1], and I presume you're a stranger here / and I can only wish you the best of luck[2], and I suppose you'll be wanting a cooked English breakfast after all your exertions?[1], and Battenberg cake for me![2], and, but, but, but ... it's only in your mind, son/daughter - ![1], and I suppose you'll be wanting a cooked English breakfast after all your exertions?[2], and Jesus H. - ! Oh, I try my best to explain it, squares(?) / it is a sort of rocket science though[1], and, but, but, but ... it's only in your mind, son/daughter - ![2], and, well, never mind, eh?[1], and Jesus H. - ! Oh, I try my best to explain it, squares(?) / it is a sort of rocket science though[2], and spin ... NOW - !!![3], and, well, never mind, eh?[2], and it's a chance to lose weight[3], and there'll be no room for wimps in the nightmare of Brexit Britain[3], and, oh ... digestives and tea, certainly! / I mean, I'm not saying we should starve[3], and chocolate digestives may be pushing it[3], and the spinning is all we need, ah, not even money / Yes, I honestly believe[3], and I'm so busy, man! / 'What an animal!'[3], and hardworking madman[3], and it's the DIZZY(!) life that makes the world go a-ROUND for us, ain't it, my kook(s)?[3], and I'm happy with a bag of chips, yes, any time of the day, you dig?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and my soul has never been so fit and healthy![3], and it's the way of champions[3], and Canary Wharf? Well, well, well ... / Ha, maybe in another lifetime ...[3], and those Pringles, the cheddar and sour cream ones? No, not any more, they've changed the recipe, man[3], and how many laps will YOU(!) be doing ... er, er, er, more than THREE - ?![3], and rather you than me ...[3], and I presume you're a stranger here / and I can only wish you the best of luck[3], and Battenberg cake for me![3], and I suppose you'll be wanting a cooked English breakfast after all your exertions?[3], and, but, but, but ... it's only in your mind, son/daughter - ![3], and Jesus H. - ! Oh, I try my best to explain it, squares(?) / it is a sort of rocket science though[3], and, well, never mind, eh?[3], and

And spin ... NOW - !!![1], and it's a chance to lose weight[1], and spin ... NOW - !!![2], and there'll be no room for wimps in the nightmare of Brexit Britain[1], and it's a chance to lose weight[2], and, oh ... digestives and tea, certainly! / I mean, I'm not saying we should starve[1], and there'll be no room for wimps in the nightmare of Brexit Britain[2], and chocolate digestives may be pushing it[1], and, oh ... digestives and tea, certainly! / I mean, I'm not saying we should starve[2], and the spinning is all we need, ah, not even money / Yes, I honestly believe[1], and chocolate digestives may be pushing it[2], and I'm so busy, man! / 'What an animal!'[1], and the spinning is all we need, ah, not even money / Yes, I honestly believe[2], and hardworking madman[1], and I'm so busy, man! / 'What an animal!'[2], and it's the DIZZY(!) life that makes the world go a-ROUND for us, ain't it, my kook(s)?[1], and hardworking madman[2], and I'm happy with a bag of chips, yes, any time of the day, you dig?[1], and it's the DIZZY(!) life that makes the world go a-ROUND for us, ain't it, my kook(s)?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and my soul has never been so fit and healthy![1], and I'm happy with a bag of chips, yes, any time of the day, you dig?[2], and it's the way of champions[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and my soul has never been so fit and healthy![2], and Canary Wharf? Well, well, well ... / Ha, maybe in another lifetime ...[1], and it's the way of champions[2], and those Pringles, the cheddar and sour cream ones? No, not any more, they've changed the recipe, man[1], and Canary Wharf? Well, well, well ... / Ha, maybe in another lifetime ...[2], and how many laps will YOU(!) be doing ... er, er, er, more than THREE - ?![1], and those Pringles, the cheddar and sour cream ones? No, not any more, they've changed the recipe, man[2], and rather you than me ...[1], and how many laps will YOU(!) be doing ... er, er, er, more than THREE - ?![2], and I presume you're a stranger here / and I can only wish you the best of luck[1], and rather you than me ...[2], and Battenberg cake for me![1], and I presume you're a stranger here / and I can only wish you the best of luck[2], and I suppose you'll be wanting a cooked English breakfast after all your exertions?[1], and Battenberg cake for me![2], and, but, but, but ... it's only in your mind, son/daughter - ![1], and I suppose you'll be wanting a cooked English breakfast after all your exertions?[2], and Jesus H. - ! Oh, I try my best to explain it, squares(?) / it is a sort of rocket science though[1], and, but, but, but ... it's only in your mind, son/daughter - ![2], and, well, never mind, eh?[1], and Jesus H. - ! Oh, I try my best to explain it, squares(?) / it is a sort of rocket science though[2], and spin ... NOW - !!![3], and, well, never mind, eh?[2], and it's a chance to lose weight[3], and there'll be no room for wimps in the nightmare of Brexit Britain[3], and, oh ... digestives and tea, certainly! / I mean, I'm not saying we should starve[3], and chocolate digestives may be pushing it[3], and the spinning is all we need, ah, not even money / Yes, I honestly believe[3], and I'm so busy, man! / 'What an animal!'[3], and hardworking madman[3], and it's the DIZZY(!) life that makes the world go a-ROUND for us, ain't it, my kook(s)?[3], and I'm happy with a bag of chips, yes, any time of the day, you dig?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and my soul has never been so fit and healthy![3], and it's the way of champions[3], and Canary Wharf? Well, well, well ... / Ha, maybe in another lifetime ...[3], and those Pringles, the cheddar and sour cream ones? No, not any more, they've changed the recipe, man[3], and how many laps will YOU(!) be doing ... er, er, er, more than THREE - ?![3], and rather you than me ...[3], and I presume you're a stranger here / and I can only wish you the best of luck[3], and Battenberg cake for me![3], and I suppose you'll be wanting a cooked English breakfast after all your exertions?[3], and, but, but, but ... it's only in your mind, son/daughter - ![3], and Jesus H. - ! Oh, I try my best to explain it, squares(?) / it is a sort of rocket science though[3], and, well, never mind, eh?[3], and

And spin ... NOW - !!![1], and it's a chance to lose weight[1], and spin ... NOW - !!![2], and there'll be no room for wimps in the nightmare of Brexit Britain[1], and it's a chance to lose weight[2], and, oh ... digestives and tea, certainly! / I mean, I'm not saying we should starve[1], and there'll be no room for wimps in the nightmare of Brexit Britain[2], and chocolate digestives may be pushing it[1], and, oh ... digestives and tea, certainly! / I mean, I'm not saying we should starve[2], and the spinning is all we need, ah, not even money / Yes, I honestly believe[1], and chocolate digestives may be pushing it[2], and I'm so busy, man! / 'What an animal!'[1], and the spinning is all we need, ah, not even money / Yes, I honestly believe[2], and hardworking madman[1], and I'm so busy, man! / 'What an animal!'[2], and it's the DIZZY(!) life that makes the world go a-ROUND for us, ain't it, my kook(s)?[1], and hardworking madman[2], and I'm happy with a bag of chips, yes, any time of the day, you dig?[1], and it's the DIZZY(!) life that makes the world go a-ROUND for us, ain't it, my kook(s)?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and my soul has never been so fit and healthy![1], and I'm happy with a bag of chips, yes, any time of the day, you dig?[2], and it's the way of champions[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and my soul has never been so fit and healthy![2], and Canary Wharf? Well, well, well ... / Ha, maybe in another lifetime ...[1], and it's the way of champions[2], and those Pringles, the cheddar and sour cream ones? No, not any more, they've changed the recipe, man[1], and Canary Wharf? Well, well, well ... / Ha, maybe in another lifetime ...[2], and how many laps will YOU(!) be doing ... er, er, er, more than THREE - ?![1], and those Pringles, the cheddar and sour cream ones? No, not any more, they've changed the recipe, man[2], and rather you than me ...[1], and how many laps will YOU(!) be doing ... er, er, er, more than THREE - ?![2], and I presume you're a stranger here / and I can only wish you the best of luck[1], and rather you than me ...[2], and Battenberg cake for me![1], and I presume you're a stranger here / and I can only wish you the best of luck[2], and I suppose you'll be wanting a cooked English breakfast after all your exertions?[1], and Battenberg cake for me![2], and, but, but, but ... it's only in your mind, son/daughter - ![1], and I suppose you'll be wanting a cooked English breakfast after all your exertions?[2], and Jesus H. - ! Oh, I try my best to explain it, squares(?) / it is a sort of rocket science though[1], and, but, but, but ... it's only in your mind, son/daughter - ![2], and, well, never mind, eh?[1], and Jesus H. - ! Oh, I try my best to explain it, squares(?) / it is a sort of rocket science though[2], and spin ... NOW - !!![3], and, well, never mind, eh?[2], and it's a chance to lose weight[3], and there'll be no room for wimps in the nightmare of Brexit Britain[3], and, oh ... digestives and tea, certainly! / I mean, I'm not saying we should starve[3], and chocolate digestives may be pushing it[3], and the spinning is all we need, ah, not even money / Yes, I honestly believe[3], and I'm so busy, man! / 'What an animal!'[3], and hardworking madman[3], and it's the DIZZY(!) life that makes the world go a-ROUND for us, ain't it, my kook(s)?[3], and I'm happy with a bag of chips, yes, any time of the day, you dig?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and my soul has never been so fit and healthy![3], and it's the way of champions[3], and Canary Wharf? Well, well, well ... / Ha, maybe in another lifetime ...[3], and those Pringles, the cheddar and sour cream ones? No, not any more, they've changed the recipe, man[3], and how many laps will YOU(!) be doing ... er, er, er, more than THREE - ?![3], and rather you than me ...[3], and I presume you're a stranger here / and I can only wish you the best of luck[3], and Battenberg cake for me![3], and I suppose you'll be wanting a cooked English breakfast after all your exertions?[3], and, but, but, but ... it's only in your mind, son/daughter - ![3], and Jesus H. - ! Oh, I try my best to explain it, squares(?) / it is a sort of rocket science though[3], and, well, never mind, eh?[3], and

Breakfast in Canary Wharf

Good title for an album, I think. 'Oh, you're not serious, boss?' No, Voice, I'm not serious. I've been invited for breakfast again at Canary Wharf. 'Who's invited you?' This lot -

We'd be delighted if you could join us for a breakfast briefing on Monday 26th June at 8:45am (for a 9am start) for the launch of State Street's latest study, which highlights how today's traditional investment industry growth models are 'obsolete'; and outlines a new model for future growth.

Yeah, State Street. Maybe one day I will go, for a laugh, just to see what it's all about, you dig? 'Ha!' The problem is ... I'm so busy, dear reader(s). And breakfast is for wimps anyway. Didn't anyone tell them that? / Oh, Chirag will be there. 'Who?!' Chirag.

Chirag Patel, Head of Innovation & Advisory EMEA, State Street Global Exchange will be presenting findings from the report, which polled over 500 global asset managers, and cover topics including, but not limited to:

Implication of increased M&A activity amongst asset managers to compete on scale;

Institutions expanding distribution with mobile and robo technology;

Marrying advanced digital intelligence with new human skill sets;

Integrating systems for a unified view of performance and risk;

Consolidating to compete on cost and capability;

Co-investing to access new opportunities.

Okay, okay, okay. It sounds all right. But I'll be washing my hair. I wash my hair every morning, you see. 'Oh, no. You shouldn't do that, boss. It just makes your hair more greasy.' No it doesn't, idiot! Because I use Johnson's baby shampoo. 'Yeah?' Yeah, man. Seriously. I've always used it. 'Oh, okay.' Well, I went through a Timotei phase in my youth, but Johnson's is the best.

...

Anything else? Politics? I hate politics, man. We all know the sort of squares who go on and on about it, like there ain't no REAL LIFE to be lived. Like they ain't going to die one day and all their bullshit politics die with them.

However, I'll just say one thing. The Conservatives may win tomorrow. Maybe with a large majority. I'm personally hoping they don't get a majority at all and have to form a minority government or something. It'll be great to see the look on Theresa May's face. / I don't think Labour losing will be a big tragedy. The Conservatives will have to own Brexit and five more years of austerity ... with fewer police, a broken NHS, broken schools, uh, BROKEN EVERYTHING, basically. The United Kingdom - if it still exists in its present form - will become a waste land. And the Conservatives will own it. Well, nice ... as they say in Jazz Club.

Does anyone want to celebrate the thirtieth anniversary of the debit card?

Christ! Yeah, uh ... 3rd June, dear reader(s), the other day. I missed it, unfortunately. Never mind, eh? 'Are you serious, boss?' Not me, Voice. But they are. 'Who?' ipagoo. 'Who?!' ipagoo.

Carlos Sanchez, CEO of ipagoo comments on the 30th anniversary of the debit card: "Debit cards have fundamentally changed consumer behaviour, altering the way people spend money. We have seen a steady evolution of the capabilities of debit cards over the last 30 years aimed at making payments easier. For example, contactless debit cards now account for 69% of debit cards in issue. Through this evolution debit cards have made a major contribution to economic growth especially through ecommerce. However, it is imperative for debit card providers to continue offering innovative payments solutions so consumers can make the most of the burgeoning digital economy."

PR email, you see. Emma sent it. 'Who?' Emma. 'Who are all these people, boss? Do you actually know any of them?' Listen, they send me this stuff, man. I don't have any complaints. And I don't have to "know" them, do I? It ain't personal, it's business.

"We believe innovation and modernization is key. 'Non banks' such as ipagoo that create new banking models and disrupt the market are the future - and ipagoo has a key role to play in democratizing the banking landscape and offering competitive products as identified by both Deloitte and Barclays in recent reports. We have continued to modernize what debit cards offer customers and have created the next stage of evolution. Living as global citizens in the modern world means people regularly need quick and easy access to a number of different currencies. With ipagoo people can use one debit card to access multiple accounts and pay in multiple currencies."

Oh, right. Our Carlos is just using it as an opportunity to promote ipagoo. 'Ha! Typical!' Well, no, that's fair enough. Promotion makes the world go round. There's no harm in it. 'Yeah, but he was pretending to care about the debit card, boss. "Oh, I love the debit card, and it's colourful history." Bullshit! He don't care, man. It's just business to him.' So?! 'Well, consider the feelings of the poor debit card.' What on earth are you going on about, Voice? Please, just shut up.

Sanchez continues: "What we have also seen with card payments over the last 30 years is the growth of sophisticated frauds and attempted fraud, particularly fraud that exploits card not present transactions common with online shopping. As providers innovate they need to ensure their anti-fraud and security systems modernize with them. We have processes in place that allow card users to automatically accept transactions from trusted retailers but ask for approval for purchases from retailers that have not been pre-approved. Most fraudsters start by trying to make unexpected small purchases. However small the amount we still require the account holder's approval to allow money to leave the account to go to a retailer that hasn't been pre-approved."

Okay, okay. That's enough. We get the point, Carlos, mate. 'Ha! I knew your patience would wear thin.' Shut up!

...

Anything else, dear reader(s)? Not really. I mean, not much. Bloody awful day. All the rain. Is this supposed to be summer? It's a joke! 'I feel sorry for the Aviva Investors mob, boss. In the park, like.' They'll be in the pub, silly.

[No. 518] My ritual

It's twice a week. Yes, yes. I should really cut down to once a week. I know, I know, I know.

And here ... I am[1], and I get a-ROUND twice a week - is that a lot?[1], and here ... I am[2], and - as you know - I'm addicted, I can't stop, I don't want to stop, I guess I'll never stop ... but I don't need help, man![1], and I get a-ROUND twice a week - is that a lot?[2], and it's different every time, I'm convinced, ain't it? / a different feeling, you dig?[1], and - as you know - I'm addicted, I can't stop, I don't want to stop, I guess I'll never stop ... but I don't need help, man![2], and ... I FEEL SO MUCH - !!![1], and it's different every time, I'm convinced, ain't it? / a different feeling, you dig?[2], and, of course ... there's always a chance I'll go beyond the THREE / just slip past it ...[1], and ... I FEEL SO MUCH - !!![2], and I feel so often ...[1], and, of course ... there's always a chance I'll go beyond the THREE / just slip past it ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and no surprises for the kooks, they know the score[1], and I feel so often ...[2], and one, two ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and no surprises for the kooks, they know the score[2], and ... don't say it! / That goddamn number![1], and one, two ...[2], and, baby ... you can join me, in my ritual ... getting a-ROUND like there's no tomorrow[1], and ... don't say it! / That goddamn number![2], and catch my disease, please![1], and, baby ... you can join me, in my ritual ... getting a-ROUND like there's no tomorrow[2], and guess what: There's no tomorrow![1], and catch my disease, please![2], and I'll pass my feelings on to anyone who cares / 'But no one cares!' / Ah, fuck off then![1], and guess what: There's no tomorrow![2], and alone, mountain top ...[1], and I'll pass my feelings on to anyone who cares / 'But no one cares!' / Ah, fuck off then![2], and yesterday, and yesterday, and yesterday ... was an awful nightmare, full of idiots[1], and alone, mountain top ...[2], and Zarathustra, spiritual aristocrat ...[1], and yesterday, and yesterday, and yesterday ... was an awful nightmare, full of idiots[2], and I, I ... don't want to explain or maybe I do, for the hard of thinking ... and the cold of feeling[1], and Zarathustra, spiritual aristocrat ...[2], and ... Christ, son! ... / ... daughter[1], and I, I ... don't want to explain or maybe I do, for the hard of thinking ... and the cold of feeling[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and I'll be here doing this for the WHOLE OF ETERNITY[1], and ... Christ, son! ... / ... daughter[2], and, seriously ... it's what ... No. 518 / and you still need me to draw you a picture, really?[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and I'll be here doing this for the WHOLE OF ETERNITY[2], and this - here - !!![1], and, seriously ... it's what ... No. 518 / and you still need me to draw you a picture, really?[2], and give me a break, and I'll let you go, uh, back to the nothingness you seem to love so much[1], and this - here - !!![2], and ... right NOW - ?![1], and give me a break, and I'll let you go, uh, back to the nothingness you seem to love so much[2], and here ... I am[3], and ... right NOW - ?![2], and I get a-ROUND twice a week - is that a lot?[3], and - as you know - I'm addicted, I can't stop, I don't want to stop, I guess I'll never stop ... but I don't need help, man![3], and it's different every time, I'm convinced, ain't it? / a different feeling, you dig?[3], and ... I FEEL SO MUCH - !!![3], and, of course ... there's always a chance I'll go beyond the THREE / just slip past it ...[3], and I feel so often ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and no surprises for the kooks, they know the score[3], and one, two ...[3], and ... don't say it! / That goddamn number![3], and, baby ... you can join me, in my ritual ... getting a-ROUND like there's no tomorrow[3], and catch my disease, please![3], and guess what: There's no tomorrow![3], and I'll pass my feelings on to anyone who cares / 'But no one cares!' / Ah, fuck off then![3], and alone, mountain top ...[3], and yesterday, and yesterday, and yesterday ... was an awful nightmare, full of idiots[3], and Zarathustra, spiritual aristocrat ...[3], and I, I ... don't want to explain or maybe I do, for the hard of thinking ... and the cold of feeling[3], and ... Christ, son! ... / ... daughter[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and I'll be here doing this for the WHOLE OF ETERNITY[3], and, seriously ... it's what ... No. 518 / and you still need me to draw you a picture, really?[3], and this - here - !!![3], and give me a break, and I'll let you go, uh, back to the nothingness you seem to love so much[3], and ... right NOW - ?![3], and

And here ... I am[1], and I get a-ROUND twice a week - is that a lot?[1], and here ... I am[2], and - as you know - I'm addicted, I can't stop, I don't want to stop, I guess I'll never stop ... but I don't need help, man![1], and I get a-ROUND twice a week - is that a lot?[2], and it's different every time, I'm convinced, ain't it? / a different feeling, you dig?[1], and - as you know - I'm addicted, I can't stop, I don't want to stop, I guess I'll never stop ... but I don't need help, man![2], and ... I FEEL SO MUCH - !!![1], and it's different every time, I'm convinced, ain't it? / a different feeling, you dig?[2], and, of course ... there's always a chance I'll go beyond the THREE / just slip past it ...[1], and ... I FEEL SO MUCH - !!![2], and I feel so often ...[1], and, of course ... there's always a chance I'll go beyond the THREE / just slip past it ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and no surprises for the kooks, they know the score[1], and I feel so often ...[2], and one, two ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and no surprises for the kooks, they know the score[2], and ... don't say it! / That goddamn number![1], and one, two ...[2], and, baby ... you can join me, in my ritual ... getting a-ROUND like there's no tomorrow[1], and ... don't say it! / That goddamn number![2], and catch my disease, please![1], and, baby ... you can join me, in my ritual ... getting a-ROUND like there's no tomorrow[2], and guess what: There's no tomorrow![1], and catch my disease, please![2], and I'll pass my feelings on to anyone who cares / 'But no one cares!' / Ah, fuck off then![1], and guess what: There's no tomorrow![2], and alone, mountain top ...[1], and I'll pass my feelings on to anyone who cares / 'But no one cares!' / Ah, fuck off then![2], and yesterday, and yesterday, and yesterday ... was an awful nightmare, full of idiots[1], and alone, mountain top ...[2], and Zarathustra, spiritual aristocrat ...[1], and yesterday, and yesterday, and yesterday ... was an awful nightmare, full of idiots[2], and I, I ... don't want to explain or maybe I do, for the hard of thinking ... and the cold of feeling[1], and Zarathustra, spiritual aristocrat ...[2], and ... Christ, son! ... / ... daughter[1], and I, I ... don't want to explain or maybe I do, for the hard of thinking ... and the cold of feeling[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and I'll be here doing this for the WHOLE OF ETERNITY[1], and ... Christ, son! ... / ... daughter[2], and, seriously ... it's what ... No. 518 / and you still need me to draw you a picture, really?[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and I'll be here doing this for the WHOLE OF ETERNITY[2], and this - here - !!![1], and, seriously ... it's what ... No. 518 / and you still need me to draw you a picture, really?[2], and give me a break, and I'll let you go, uh, back to the nothingness you seem to love so much[1], and this - here - !!![2], and ... right NOW - ?![1], and give me a break, and I'll let you go, uh, back to the nothingness you seem to love so much[2], and here ... I am[3], and ... right NOW - ?![2], and I get a-ROUND twice a week - is that a lot?[3], and - as you know - I'm addicted, I can't stop, I don't want to stop, I guess I'll never stop ... but I don't need help, man![3], and it's different every time, I'm convinced, ain't it? / a different feeling, you dig?[3], and ... I FEEL SO MUCH - !!![3], and, of course ... there's always a chance I'll go beyond the THREE / just slip past it ...[3], and I feel so often ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and no surprises for the kooks, they know the score[3], and one, two ...[3], and ... don't say it! / That goddamn number![3], and, baby ... you can join me, in my ritual ... getting a-ROUND like there's no tomorrow[3], and catch my disease, please![3], and guess what: There's no tomorrow![3], and I'll pass my feelings on to anyone who cares / 'But no one cares!' / Ah, fuck off then![3], and alone, mountain top ...[3], and yesterday, and yesterday, and yesterday ... was an awful nightmare, full of idiots[3], and Zarathustra, spiritual aristocrat ...[3], and I, I ... don't want to explain or maybe I do, for the hard of thinking ... and the cold of feeling[3], and ... Christ, son! ... / ... daughter[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and I'll be here doing this for the WHOLE OF ETERNITY[3], and, seriously ... it's what ... No. 518 / and you still need me to draw you a picture, really?[3], and this - here - !!![3], and give me a break, and I'll let you go, uh, back to the nothingness you seem to love so much[3], and ... right NOW - ?![3], and

And here ... I am[1], and I get a-ROUND twice a week - is that a lot?[1], and here ... I am[2], and - as you know - I'm addicted, I can't stop, I don't want to stop, I guess I'll never stop ... but I don't need help, man![1], and I get a-ROUND twice a week - is that a lot?[2], and it's different every time, I'm convinced, ain't it? / a different feeling, you dig?[1], and - as you know - I'm addicted, I can't stop, I don't want to stop, I guess I'll never stop ... but I don't need help, man![2], and ... I FEEL SO MUCH - !!![1], and it's different every time, I'm convinced, ain't it? / a different feeling, you dig?[2], and, of course ... there's always a chance I'll go beyond the THREE / just slip past it ...[1], and ... I FEEL SO MUCH - !!![2], and I feel so often ...[1], and, of course ... there's always a chance I'll go beyond the THREE / just slip past it ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and no surprises for the kooks, they know the score[1], and I feel so often ...[2], and one, two ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and no surprises for the kooks, they know the score[2], and ... don't say it! / That goddamn number![1], and one, two ...[2], and, baby ... you can join me, in my ritual ... getting a-ROUND like there's no tomorrow[1], and ... don't say it! / That goddamn number![2], and catch my disease, please![1], and, baby ... you can join me, in my ritual ... getting a-ROUND like there's no tomorrow[2], and guess what: There's no tomorrow![1], and catch my disease, please![2], and I'll pass my feelings on to anyone who cares / 'But no one cares!' / Ah, fuck off then![1], and guess what: There's no tomorrow![2], and alone, mountain top ...[1], and I'll pass my feelings on to anyone who cares / 'But no one cares!' / Ah, fuck off then![2], and yesterday, and yesterday, and yesterday ... was an awful nightmare, full of idiots[1], and alone, mountain top ...[2], and Zarathustra, spiritual aristocrat ...[1], and yesterday, and yesterday, and yesterday ... was an awful nightmare, full of idiots[2], and I, I ... don't want to explain or maybe I do, for the hard of thinking ... and the cold of feeling[1], and Zarathustra, spiritual aristocrat ...[2], and ... Christ, son! ... / ... daughter[1], and I, I ... don't want to explain or maybe I do, for the hard of thinking ... and the cold of feeling[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and I'll be here doing this for the WHOLE OF ETERNITY[1], and ... Christ, son! ... / ... daughter[2], and, seriously ... it's what ... No. 518 / and you still need me to draw you a picture, really?[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and I'll be here doing this for the WHOLE OF ETERNITY[2], and this - here - !!![1], and, seriously ... it's what ... No. 518 / and you still need me to draw you a picture, really?[2], and give me a break, and I'll let you go, uh, back to the nothingness you seem to love so much[1], and this - here - !!![2], and ... right NOW - ?![1], and give me a break, and I'll let you go, uh, back to the nothingness you seem to love so much[2], and here ... I am[3], and ... right NOW - ?![2], and I get a-ROUND twice a week - is that a lot?[3], and - as you know - I'm addicted, I can't stop, I don't want to stop, I guess I'll never stop ... but I don't need help, man![3], and it's different every time, I'm convinced, ain't it? / a different feeling, you dig?[3], and ... I FEEL SO MUCH - !!![3], and, of course ... there's always a chance I'll go beyond the THREE / just slip past it ...[3], and I feel so often ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and no surprises for the kooks, they know the score[3], and one, two ...[3], and ... don't say it! / That goddamn number![3], and, baby ... you can join me, in my ritual ... getting a-ROUND like there's no tomorrow[3], and catch my disease, please![3], and guess what: There's no tomorrow![3], and I'll pass my feelings on to anyone who cares / 'But no one cares!' / Ah, fuck off then![3], and alone, mountain top ...[3], and yesterday, and yesterday, and yesterday ... was an awful nightmare, full of idiots[3], and Zarathustra, spiritual aristocrat ...[3], and I, I ... don't want to explain or maybe I do, for the hard of thinking ... and the cold of feeling[3], and ... Christ, son! ... / ... daughter[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and I'll be here doing this for the WHOLE OF ETERNITY[3], and, seriously ... it's what ... No. 518 / and you still need me to draw you a picture, really?[3], and this - here - !!![3], and give me a break, and I'll let you go, uh, back to the nothingness you seem to love so much[3], and ... right NOW - ?![3], and

Cliff Pearce is the global head of capital markets

Well, well ... / NOW(!) ... some of you, guys and girls, out of the loop, as it were, or ... as it is, may want to know who Cliff Pearce actually is. 'Who is he, boss?' Ha! Voice, our Cliff is the global head of capital markets. 'Oh.' At Intertrust. It's a new job. He was at Bank of America Merrill Lynch. 'Oh. / And how do you know all this?' It's a PR email, son, from Patricia. 'And who the hell is Patricia?!' She's the PR girl/woman. 'Oh.' Yeah.

Cliff will oversee and build on Intertrust's global offering of capital market solutions, with a strong market share in the UK, Ireland, the Netherlands, Luxembourg and Cayman. He will also be responsible for developing a holistic offering together with the funds division providing joined up solutions for the private equity client base in this expanding market sector.

Well, well ... / Holistic! Yeah! Wow! 'Yippee!' NOW(!) ... I like the sound of that, dear reader(s)! 'It sounds mystical, boss.' Well, it is, Voice. Our Cliff is obviously a shaman. He's obviously connected to the WHOLE COSMOS. 'Brilliant! Not just a little area of it, like the Milky Way. Ha!' I take my hat off to him, man. 'It says here that a photo is available, on request, like.' A photo of what? The fucking cosmos?! 'No. Of Cliff.' Uh, no thanks. I'm sure he's a nice guy and everything, but I don't really need a photo of him. 'It also says you can speak to him, if you want. Just contact a member of the press team.' Jesus! Enough already! I don't want to speak to him. Let's just finish this email ... okay, this is more or less repeating the first bit. Ah! 'What?' HP Van Asselt has got something he wants to say. 'Van ... who is he, for the love of Christ?!' Ha! You've never heard of HP "Sauce" Van Asselt? 'No.' He's the chief commercial officer at Intertrust. 'Oh.' Yeah. Big time. This is what he says ...

"I would like to welcome Cliff to Intertrust - I am excited by the wealth of experience he will bring to our Capital Markets team. Cliff has a very strong track record in delivering structured finance transactions and his extensive expertise will help increase the scope of our business relationships and mandates won."

Nice. Oh, he's excited, our HP. 'Imagine if he were depressed about it.' He's not depressed, man. Fuck's sake!

"I'm confident that his appointment will bolster our position as the go to choice for Capital Markets services as we continue in our commitment to delivering the highest quality service for our clients."

'He's -' He's confident, too, our HP. Yes! Excited and confident. No one could ask for more.

And, and, and, uh, er ... that, my friend(s), is the ends, as they say in the business, the PR business. / I hope it all goes well for them. It should do, what with all that holistic stuff they've got planned. / Oh, Intertrust -

Intertrust is the leading global provider of high-value trust, corporate and fund services, with approximately 2,500 employees located throughout a network of 41 offices in 30 jurisdictions across Europe, the Americas, Asia and the Middle-East. The Company delivers high-quality, tailored services to its clients with a view to building long-term relationships. Intertrust's business services offering is comprised of corporate services, fund services, capital market services, and private wealth services. Intertrust has leading market positions in the key geographic markets of its industry, including the Netherlands, Luxembourg, Jersey, and the Cayman Islands. Intertrust works with global law firms and accountancy firms, multi-national corporations, financial institutions, fund managers, high net worth individuals and family offices.

Nice. 'Very nice.' It is, Voice, you're right. / Okay, okay. Laters. 'No. 518, Mikey?' What do you think? Ha!

Metro Bank knows where you hide stuff ...

Matthew 6:19-21 - Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Okay, okay, okay, it's a commode, rabbit food, a cistern, and a soup can! My libido, I feel stupid and contagious, yeah! 'Er ... that's a Nirvana lyric, isn't it, boss?' Ha! The last bit is, Voice. The first bit is from Metro Bank. A PR email. 'Christ! What's the matter with them? Has someone had a breakdown?' No, no. Nothing that exciting, man. Apparently, British people hide their valuables in weird places around their homes. 'Oh.' Yeah, in a commode, or in a soup can. 'Oh.' Not everyone does though ...

Metro Bank, the revolution in British banking, has delved into the secret hiding places of the UK's most prized possessions and uncovered a treasure trove of clandestine locations. Almost half of Brits (47%) - that's 24.1 million - say they believe the safest option is to store their valuables in and around their home. However rather than being concealed in top-secret hiding places, to a burglar's delight, when it comes to Brits' homes, filing cabinets and drawers (26%) were found to be the most common place for people to stow away their important possessions, followed by a safe (19%) and in third place a wardrobe (18%).

Filing cabinet, drawer, and a safe, and a wardrobe! Here we are now, entertain us. 'Ha!' No, it's not the same. 'But, boss ... why does Metro Bank care about this shit?' Because they have these safe deposit boxes they want people to use instead. 'Oh, I get it.' Yeah. This is what Iain Kirkpatrick says about it -

Iain Kirkpatrick, Managing Director of Retail Banking at Metro Bank commented: "Never mind under the bed or in a sock drawer or even the commode, we know that our customers' valuables need to be looked after properly and kept safe. While some people opt for more unusual places, it is worrying how many choose to hide their most cherished possessions in such conspicuous locations. At Metro Bank, we care about what’s important to our customers and we're always looking for ways to make their banking experience as simple and straightforward as possible. That's why not only do we offer safe deposit boxes in all our stores, but they can be accessed as many times as customers want during store opening hours, seven days a week, from early in the morning to late at night. No appointments are necessary and customers are able to use our viewing rooms to access their box in complete privacy."

You see? 'He seems really concerned.' / Of course, gangs of robbers often break into places with safe deposit boxes, like that Hatton Garden job. But we won't worry about that now.

...

It's the end of the week. Anything else? / Did you see the BBC debate last night, dear reader(s)? Theresa May was too scared to show her face. 'Ha!' It's like throwing a party and not turning up. She was the one who wanted this fucking election. No one forced her into it. / And now various nutjobs are complaining about the "left-wing" audience from last night. 'Ha!' Yeah, because they were laughing at Amber Rudd. That's the British public, nutjobs. Maybe you would prefer a different public? If you don't like it, go and live in North Korea where people do what they're told.