Monday, 5 June 2017

Cliff Pearce is the global head of capital markets

Well, well ... / NOW(!) ... some of you, guys and girls, out of the loop, as it were, or ... as it is, may want to know who Cliff Pearce actually is. 'Who is he, boss?' Ha! Voice, our Cliff is the global head of capital markets. 'Oh.' At Intertrust. It's a new job. He was at Bank of America Merrill Lynch. 'Oh. / And how do you know all this?' It's a PR email, son, from Patricia. 'And who the hell is Patricia?!' She's the PR girl/woman. 'Oh.' Yeah.

Cliff will oversee and build on Intertrust's global offering of capital market solutions, with a strong market share in the UK, Ireland, the Netherlands, Luxembourg and Cayman. He will also be responsible for developing a holistic offering together with the funds division providing joined up solutions for the private equity client base in this expanding market sector.

Well, well ... / Holistic! Yeah! Wow! 'Yippee!' NOW(!) ... I like the sound of that, dear reader(s)! 'It sounds mystical, boss.' Well, it is, Voice. Our Cliff is obviously a shaman. He's obviously connected to the WHOLE COSMOS. 'Brilliant! Not just a little area of it, like the Milky Way. Ha!' I take my hat off to him, man. 'It says here that a photo is available, on request, like.' A photo of what? The fucking cosmos?! 'No. Of Cliff.' Uh, no thanks. I'm sure he's a nice guy and everything, but I don't really need a photo of him. 'It also says you can speak to him, if you want. Just contact a member of the press team.' Jesus! Enough already! I don't want to speak to him. Let's just finish this email ... okay, this is more or less repeating the first bit. Ah! 'What?' HP Van Asselt has got something he wants to say. 'Van ... who is he, for the love of Christ?!' Ha! You've never heard of HP "Sauce" Van Asselt? 'No.' He's the chief commercial officer at Intertrust. 'Oh.' Yeah. Big time. This is what he says ...

"I would like to welcome Cliff to Intertrust - I am excited by the wealth of experience he will bring to our Capital Markets team. Cliff has a very strong track record in delivering structured finance transactions and his extensive expertise will help increase the scope of our business relationships and mandates won."

Nice. Oh, he's excited, our HP. 'Imagine if he were depressed about it.' He's not depressed, man. Fuck's sake!

"I'm confident that his appointment will bolster our position as the go to choice for Capital Markets services as we continue in our commitment to delivering the highest quality service for our clients."

'He's -' He's confident, too, our HP. Yes! Excited and confident. No one could ask for more.

And, and, and, uh, er ... that, my friend(s), is the ends, as they say in the business, the PR business. / I hope it all goes well for them. It should do, what with all that holistic stuff they've got planned. / Oh, Intertrust -

Intertrust is the leading global provider of high-value trust, corporate and fund services, with approximately 2,500 employees located throughout a network of 41 offices in 30 jurisdictions across Europe, the Americas, Asia and the Middle-East. The Company delivers high-quality, tailored services to its clients with a view to building long-term relationships. Intertrust's business services offering is comprised of corporate services, fund services, capital market services, and private wealth services. Intertrust has leading market positions in the key geographic markets of its industry, including the Netherlands, Luxembourg, Jersey, and the Cayman Islands. Intertrust works with global law firms and accountancy firms, multi-national corporations, financial institutions, fund managers, high net worth individuals and family offices.

Nice. 'Very nice.' It is, Voice, you're right. / Okay, okay. Laters. 'No. 518, Mikey?' What do you think? Ha!