Monday, 26 June 2017

Jeff Gundlach says the machines won't take over finance

Well, that's good news, ain't it? 'How does he know, boss?' Jeff knows, Voice, because it's just common sense. These robots don't have souls. They'll never have souls. They don't have the spark of genius. They'll never replace financial shamans, like me. There's nothing to worry about, son. 'As long as I'll still have a job.' Yeah. Er ... what job is that? 'Your intern.' Oh, yes. Of course. Ha!

Okay, okay. For those of you who don't know, Jeff Gundlach is the founder and CEO of DoubleLine Capital. He's a billionaire, and he's a truth fan. 'Great band!' What? 'They're a great band, boss.' They're not a band, Voice. (As far as I know.) Our Jeff is a fan of truth. I mean, he likes the truth, you dig? 'Oh.' That's what it says on his Twitter bio anyway. He's an art fan, too. And he's a bills, fan. 'What on earth is a bills fan?!' I haven't the faintest idea, Voice. Maybe, uh ... I suppose Jeff is one of these guys who enjoys paying his bills on time. You know, to keep everything neat and tidy. 'Yeah. Interesting.' Well, it could mean that. How would I know?

Oh, by the way, dear reader(s), the best way to beat the machines is ... ? Come on! 'Er ... with a baseball bat?' No, not quite. Our Jeff says you need to work hard. 'Ha! Because the robots are lazy bastards? Is that his thinking?' Christ! I don't know, man. I'm just reporting what he said recently, to Bloomberg. 'Oh, not them!' I don't actually think he's an expert on artificial intelligence or anything. He's just one of these guys who has been able to get himself into a powerful position in life, and now he wants to tell everyone what he thinks about stuff. 'Oh.' There's no harm in it, much.


Anything else? No, no. Uh. It's, uh ... Monday morning. I've got a slight headache. More of a slight eyeache, really, from using my smart phone too much yesterday. 'That's not smart, Mikey. You should cut down.' Yes, thank you, Voice.

So, laters, yeah?