Thursday, 19 March 2009

Edward Liddy: give back the bonuses?!?

Edward Liddy is the chief executive of AIG. Yes he is. Insurance group bailed out by the US government to the tune (a wild tune) of billions and billions and billions of dollars. I don't know how many billions. Too many billions! I don't know what tune. A crazy tune, played in the desert of our dreams by a shaman half insane, if not wholly insane. No half measures! Oh no, we want no half measures. Let's burn properly. Let's burn!

But the bonuses? Oh, the bonuses? Yes, Eddy wants his people to give the money back! They ain't allowed to have no bonuses, man. Or maybe a little bit, just a little bit of a bonus. He thinks that will keep them satisfied. Ha! These golden AIG employees will never be satisfied. Who - having tasted it, having burnt with it, HAVING LIVED WITH IT, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!!! - who, who, who could be satisfied? They want more. We all want more. We are proud capitalists. Our fathers were proud capitalists. The ghosts of our ancestors - all of them capitalists - are watching us. While we sleep, yes; but in our waking hours too! Oh yes. You don't believe me? You want proof, dear reader? I can't give you proof of that, you fool! YOU MUST HAVE FAITH.

I call on all the employees of AIG Financial Products: do the right thing. Hold on to your money! Every cent! Ha ha ha! Let them take it from you! Let them drag you from your offices. Oh. But you won't be in your offices. The communists will not be able to find you. Why not? Well, because you will be hiding with me in the desert. I will shelter you. Come in to my world! O my children, my brothers, my sisters, sanctuary in the sand dunes! They won't get you. I will protect you. Big Herb will protect you! Yes yes yes yes yes! Come burn with us, beautiful ones, bring all your money.