Expect and prepare for market volatility in 2016, investors warned

Oh dear! / Yeah, it's the Thursday night PR email, back by popular demand. I actually received it before the Fed rate rise, but it's still relevant -

Investors should expect and prepare for volatility across global financial markets in the first half of 2016, warns a leading investment analyst at one of the world's largest independent financial advisory organizations.

Lovely! Happy Christmas!

The warning from Tom Elliott, senior international investment strategist at deVere Group, comes ahead of the Federal Reserve's highly anticipated rate announcement this week, and after the recent acrimonious OPEC meeting which triggered a collapse in the oil price. / Mr Elliott affirms: "Investors should expect volatile financial markets in the first half of next year, as stock and bond markets learn how aggressive the Fed is likely to be in its monetary tightening. There are, however, a few safe bets. The European Central Bank (ECB) last week revealed itself to be less willing to expand its QE program than had been supposed, which somewhat undermines the strong dollar/weak euro bet that underlies much stock and bond market asset allocation."

Oh, there's more, of course. But I think we've had enough, don't you, dear reader(s)? Someone should tell this Tommy Elliott character that it's Christmas. 'You tell him, boss!' We just want to enjoy ourselves now. We don't want to start crapping ourselves about next year. / And what did Seneca say? Well, he said: A man who suffers before it is necessary, suffers more than is necessary. 'Brilliant, Mikey!' Yes, Voice. It's one of my favourite sayings.

So, if you're reading this, Tommy ... you're out of order, son, all right? You should spend a bit more time eating mince pies, and not so much time worrying about shit you can't control. We all know the world is a sewer, Tommy. We don't need you making it worse.

...

Ah, that's enough, already! / I'm taking next week off, so I'll see you again, kook(s), after Christmas. I hope you have a nice time and that. Laters.

[No. 376] James Harries is a blue man

Not depressed. Just blue. Like Krishna.

And from Newton to Troy ... / Why bother? Seriously![1], and it's a ... funny old world, the finance world - so full of surprises! Uh / Ha! 'Ha!' Ha![1], and from Newton to Troy ... / Why bother? Seriously![2], and I ain't gonna judge a blue-skinned man riding a-ROUND my dreams/nightmares on a white horse[1], and it's a ... funny old world, the finance world - so full of surprises! Uh / Ha! 'Ha!' Ha![2], and here ... is Jimmy - ? YES![1], and I ain't gonna judge a blue-skinned man riding a-ROUND my dreams/nightmares on a white horse[2], and people are STRANGE(!) when you're a STRANGER(!) ... or even when you're a personal friend, so ...[1], and here ... is Jimmy - ? YES![2], and look at this weird land!!![1], and people are STRANGE(!) when you're a STRANGER(!) ... or even when you're a personal friend, so ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / This ... ain't the Grand National, son![1], and look at this weird land!!![2], and it's my damn consciousness[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / This ... ain't the Grand National, son![2], and I'm no friend of no BLUE MAN, sorry / No, not even that Krishna / But the horse is all right ...[1], and it's my damn consciousness[2], and I imagine things, really[1], and I'm no friend of no BLUE MAN, sorry / No, not even that Krishna / But the horse is all right ...[2], and YOU(!) might want to think ... that I can't go any further ... but I can![1], and I imagine things, really[2], and I am very dedicated, I suppose[1], and YOU(!) might want to think ... that I can't go any further ... but I can![2], and a NORMAL person would probably find a NORMAL explanation ... / 'Ha! I hate those slags'[1], and I am very dedicated, I suppose[2], and like a broken record ... record?![1], and a NORMAL person would probably find a NORMAL explanation ... / 'Ha! I hate those slags'[2], and a bad habit? I don't know, man / ... / ... I would like to cut down to one a week ...[1], and like a broken record ... record?![2], and from Newton to Troy ... / Why bother? Seriously![3], and a bad habit? I don't know, man / ... / ... I would like to cut down to one a week ...[2], and it's a ... funny old world, the finance world - so full of surprises! Uh / Ha! 'Ha!' Ha![3], and I ain't gonna judge a blue-skinned man riding a-ROUND my dreams/nightmares on a white horse[3], and here ... is Jimmy - ? YES![3], and people are STRANGE(!) when you're a STRANGER(!) ... or even when you're a personal friend, so ...[3], and look at this weird land!!![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / This ... ain't the Grand National, son![3], and it's my damn consciousness[3], and I'm no friend of no BLUE MAN, sorry / No, not even that Krishna / But the horse is all right ...[3], and I imagine things, really[3], and YOU(!) might want to think ... that I can't go any further ... but I can![3], and I am very dedicated, I suppose[3], and a NORMAL person would probably find a NORMAL explanation ... / 'Ha! I hate those slags'[3], and like a broken record ... record?![3], and a bad habit? I don't know, man / ... / ... I would like to cut down to one a week ...[3], and

And from Newton to Troy ... / Why bother? Seriously![1], and it's a ... funny old world, the finance world - so full of surprises! Uh / Ha! 'Ha!' Ha![1], and from Newton to Troy ... / Why bother? Seriously![2], and I ain't gonna judge a blue-skinned man riding a-ROUND my dreams/nightmares on a white horse[1], and it's a ... funny old world, the finance world - so full of surprises! Uh / Ha! 'Ha!' Ha![2], and here ... is Jimmy - ? YES![1], and I ain't gonna judge a blue-skinned man riding a-ROUND my dreams/nightmares on a white horse[2], and people are STRANGE(!) when you're a STRANGER(!) ... or even when you're a personal friend, so ...[1], and here ... is Jimmy - ? YES![2], and look at this weird land!!![1], and people are STRANGE(!) when you're a STRANGER(!) ... or even when you're a personal friend, so ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / This ... ain't the Grand National, son![1], and look at this weird land!!![2], and it's my damn consciousness[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / This ... ain't the Grand National, son![2], and I'm no friend of no BLUE MAN, sorry / No, not even that Krishna / But the horse is all right ...[1], and it's my damn consciousness[2], and I imagine things, really[1], and I'm no friend of no BLUE MAN, sorry / No, not even that Krishna / But the horse is all right ...[2], and YOU(!) might want to think ... that I can't go any further ... but I can![1], and I imagine things, really[2], and I am very dedicated, I suppose[1], and YOU(!) might want to think ... that I can't go any further ... but I can![2], and a NORMAL person would probably find a NORMAL explanation ... / 'Ha! I hate those slags'[1], and I am very dedicated, I suppose[2], and like a broken record ... record?![1], and a NORMAL person would probably find a NORMAL explanation ... / 'Ha! I hate those slags'[2], and a bad habit? I don't know, man / ... / ... I would like to cut down to one a week ...[1], and like a broken record ... record?![2], and from Newton to Troy ... / Why bother? Seriously![3], and a bad habit? I don't know, man / ... / ... I would like to cut down to one a week ...[2], and it's a ... funny old world, the finance world - so full of surprises! Uh / Ha! 'Ha!' Ha![3], and I ain't gonna judge a blue-skinned man riding a-ROUND my dreams/nightmares on a white horse[3], and here ... is Jimmy - ? YES![3], and people are STRANGE(!) when you're a STRANGER(!) ... or even when you're a personal friend, so ...[3], and look at this weird land!!![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / This ... ain't the Grand National, son![3], and it's my damn consciousness[3], and I'm no friend of no BLUE MAN, sorry / No, not even that Krishna / But the horse is all right ...[3], and I imagine things, really[3], and YOU(!) might want to think ... that I can't go any further ... but I can![3], and I am very dedicated, I suppose[3], and a NORMAL person would probably find a NORMAL explanation ... / 'Ha! I hate those slags'[3], and like a broken record ... record?![3], and a bad habit? I don't know, man / ... / ... I would like to cut down to one a week ...[3], and

And from Newton to Troy ... / Why bother? Seriously![1], and it's a ... funny old world, the finance world - so full of surprises! Uh / Ha! 'Ha!' Ha![1], and from Newton to Troy ... / Why bother? Seriously![2], and I ain't gonna judge a blue-skinned man riding a-ROUND my dreams/nightmares on a white horse[1], and it's a ... funny old world, the finance world - so full of surprises! Uh / Ha! 'Ha!' Ha![2], and here ... is Jimmy - ? YES![1], and I ain't gonna judge a blue-skinned man riding a-ROUND my dreams/nightmares on a white horse[2], and people are STRANGE(!) when you're a STRANGER(!) ... or even when you're a personal friend, so ...[1], and here ... is Jimmy - ? YES![2], and look at this weird land!!![1], and people are STRANGE(!) when you're a STRANGER(!) ... or even when you're a personal friend, so ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / This ... ain't the Grand National, son![1], and look at this weird land!!![2], and it's my damn consciousness[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / This ... ain't the Grand National, son![2], and I'm no friend of no BLUE MAN, sorry / No, not even that Krishna / But the horse is all right ...[1], and it's my damn consciousness[2], and I imagine things, really[1], and I'm no friend of no BLUE MAN, sorry / No, not even that Krishna / But the horse is all right ...[2], and YOU(!) might want to think ... that I can't go any further ... but I can![1], and I imagine things, really[2], and I am very dedicated, I suppose[1], and YOU(!) might want to think ... that I can't go any further ... but I can![2], and a NORMAL person would probably find a NORMAL explanation ... / 'Ha! I hate those slags'[1], and I am very dedicated, I suppose[2], and like a broken record ... record?![1], and a NORMAL person would probably find a NORMAL explanation ... / 'Ha! I hate those slags'[2], and a bad habit? I don't know, man / ... / ... I would like to cut down to one a week ...[1], and like a broken record ... record?![2], and from Newton to Troy ... / Why bother? Seriously![3], and a bad habit? I don't know, man / ... / ... I would like to cut down to one a week ...[2], and it's a ... funny old world, the finance world - so full of surprises! Uh / Ha! 'Ha!' Ha![3], and I ain't gonna judge a blue-skinned man riding a-ROUND my dreams/nightmares on a white horse[3], and here ... is Jimmy - ? YES![3], and people are STRANGE(!) when you're a STRANGER(!) ... or even when you're a personal friend, so ...[3], and look at this weird land!!![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / This ... ain't the Grand National, son![3], and it's my damn consciousness[3], and I'm no friend of no BLUE MAN, sorry / No, not even that Krishna / But the horse is all right ...[3], and I imagine things, really[3], and YOU(!) might want to think ... that I can't go any further ... but I can![3], and I am very dedicated, I suppose[3], and a NORMAL person would probably find a NORMAL explanation ... / 'Ha! I hate those slags'[3], and like a broken record ... record?![3], and a bad habit? I don't know, man / ... / ... I would like to cut down to one a week ...[3], and 

James Harries has joined Troy Asset Management

Yes, he's left Newton. He was a fund manager there, as YOU(!!!) ... would expect him to have been - ? ... Anyway, after Christmas, in the new year [I'm not using capitals, it's bullshit] ... er, he'll start work at Troy. Something to do with balanced funds, whatever they are. / So ... 'You're not telling us everything, are you, boss?' Well ... 'He's a blue man, ain't he, this Mr Harries? He ain't a real human being.' [Ha! Who is, these days?] No ... ha! That's just a rumour. There's been a rumour going around [a-ROUND? Later!] for quite a while, dear reader(s), but - 'Now we have the proof!' Maybe, Voice, maybe.

You see, uh, there's a picture of him, on a website, and ... well, he's just a blue man, from head to toe. He doesn't have any, er, features, you know? No hair, eyes, mouth, nose. His hands and feet look a bit dodgy, too, and - 'The dirty bastard doesn't even have any clothes on, Mikey!' Oh, come on! [Don't judge him!] 'And his head is round like a football!' Yes, yes ... and he's running towards an open door. [Why?!?! Desperate to escape?] Jesus! I mean, that's the picture. [Don't blame me!] 'Is he a thought-form from the astral plane?' Er ... it's not impossible.

Well, well ... / And why ... Troy?! That's the question. Why does Troy want ... what is basically a cartoon man? 'He might be cheap.' And then there's the horse!!! I suppose he'll be riding around [a-ROUND? Later!] on the horse now. 'What fucking horse?!' Those nutters at Troy Asset Management have a horse in their office. It's a nice-looking white horse. It seems pretty melancholic though. 'Well, wouldn't you be, locked up in a fucking office in the City? Or Mayfair? Wherever it is. Horses want to run wild, man!'

Yeah ... / Christ! I don't really need this before Christmas. Not that it's my problem. I just - 'The best thing, boss, is if Mr Harries jumps on the horse and rides out of the office, into the sunset, as it were, or ... will be.' They'll have to change that picture, Voice. It will have to show a blue cartoon man on a white horse, galloping out of the door. / But it's not my problem ...

[No. 375] Let the good times roll

The bad times have gone! Unless they're coming a-ROUND again. I don't know. Just be careful, you dig? Keep your eyes open, my friend(s).

And ... TIME![1], and here we are, again ... LOOK AT ME!!! / and you know I'm looking at you, kid ...[1], and ... TIME![2], and I'm rolling a-ROUND on the floor of my mind, and, er, the ceiling, whatever this is supposed to mean ...[1], and here we are, again ... LOOK AT ME!!! / and you know I'm looking at you, kid ...[2], and my soul is DIZZY(!) / and that's the honest truth[1], and I'm rolling a-ROUND on the floor of my mind, and, er, the ceiling, whatever this is supposed to mean ...[2], and I can feel you ...[1], and my soul is DIZZY(!) / and that's the honest truth[2], and I'm rolling a-ROUND with my electric buzzing head staring at the lights, blue, yellow, red[1], and I can feel you ...[2], and I'll start a NEW REVOLUTION, with or without you, believe me[1], and I'm rolling a-ROUND with my electric buzzing head staring at the lights, blue, yellow, red[2], and YOU(!) ... YES(!!!) ... YOU(!) better get DIZZY(!) or die tryin' / It's the only game in town[1], and I'll start a NEW REVOLUTION, with or without you, believe me[2], and the desert, the emptiness, is calling me again / uh, astral and physical, offering the purest insanity known to Man, man!!![1], and YOU(!) ... YES(!!!) ... YOU(!) better get DIZZY(!) or die tryin' / It's the only game in town[2], and all the rollers and rockers are welcome ...[1], and the desert, the emptiness, is calling me again / uh, astral and physical, offering the purest insanity known to Man, man!!![2], and I've got more than the DIZZY(!) life / You haven't lived yet, so follow me, please, further - on![1], and all the rollers and rockers are welcome ...[2], and I'll rock you to oblivion[1], and I've got more than the DIZZY(!) life / You haven't lived yet, so follow me, please, further - on![2], and I'm trying to stay positive, but ... never mind ... / ... / ... NOTHING matters, it really does ...[1], and I'll rock you to oblivion[2], and I've rolled through enough bad times looking for some pot of gold at the end of a fucking rainbow ...[1], and I'm trying to stay positive, but ... never mind ... / ... / ... NOTHING matters, it really does ...[2], and I still believe, believe me[1], and I've rolled through enough bad times looking for some pot of gold at the end of a fucking rainbow ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Oh, it will never go out of fashion![1], and I still believe, believe me[2], and make your move, NOW(!!!)[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Oh, it will never go out of fashion![2], and, baby, baby, listen ... if you're rolling in blood and fire ... oh, baby, I'm here for YOU(!)[1], and make your move, NOW(!!!)[2], and ... TIME![3], and, baby, baby, listen ... if you're rolling in blood and fire ... oh, baby, I'm here for YOU(!)[2], and here we are, again ... LOOK AT ME!!! / and you know I'm looking at you, kid ...[3], and I'm rolling a-ROUND on the floor of my mind, and, er, the ceiling, whatever this is supposed to mean ...[3], and my soul is DIZZY(!) / and that's the honest truth[3], and I can feel you ...[3], and I'm rolling a-ROUND with my electric buzzing head staring at the lights, blue, yellow, red[3], and I'll start a NEW REVOLUTION, with or without you, believe me[3], and YOU(!) ... YES(!!!) ... YOU(!) better get DIZZY(!) or die tryin' / It's the only game in town[3], and the desert, the emptiness, is calling me again / uh, astral and physical, offering the purest insanity known to Man, man!!![3], and all the rollers and rockers are welcome ...[3], and I've got more than the DIZZY(!) life / You haven't lived yet, so follow me, please, further - on![3], and I'll rock you to oblivion[3], and I'm trying to stay positive, but ... never mind ... / ... / ... NOTHING matters, it really does ...[3], and I've rolled through enough bad times looking for some pot of gold at the end of a fucking rainbow ...[3], and I still believe, believe me[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Oh, it will never go out of fashion![3], and make your move, NOW(!!!)[3], and, baby, baby, listen ... if you're rolling in blood and fire ... oh, baby, I'm here for YOU(!)[3], and

And ... TIME![1], and here we are, again ... LOOK AT ME!!! / and you know I'm looking at you, kid ...[1], and ... TIME![2], and I'm rolling a-ROUND on the floor of my mind, and, er, the ceiling, whatever this is supposed to mean ...[1], and here we are, again ... LOOK AT ME!!! / and you know I'm looking at you, kid ...[2], and my soul is DIZZY(!) / and that's the honest truth[1], and I'm rolling a-ROUND on the floor of my mind, and, er, the ceiling, whatever this is supposed to mean ...[2], and I can feel you ...[1], and my soul is DIZZY(!) / and that's the honest truth[2], and I'm rolling a-ROUND with my electric buzzing head staring at the lights, blue, yellow, red[1], and I can feel you ...[2], and I'll start a NEW REVOLUTION, with or without you, believe me[1], and I'm rolling a-ROUND with my electric buzzing head staring at the lights, blue, yellow, red[2], and YOU(!) ... YES(!!!) ... YOU(!) better get DIZZY(!) or die tryin' / It's the only game in town[1], and I'll start a NEW REVOLUTION, with or without you, believe me[2], and the desert, the emptiness, is calling me again / uh, astral and physical, offering the purest insanity known to Man, man!!![1], and YOU(!) ... YES(!!!) ... YOU(!) better get DIZZY(!) or die tryin' / It's the only game in town[2], and all the rollers and rockers are welcome ...[1], and the desert, the emptiness, is calling me again / uh, astral and physical, offering the purest insanity known to Man, man!!![2], and I've got more than the DIZZY(!) life / You haven't lived yet, so follow me, please, further - on![1], and all the rollers and rockers are welcome ...[2], and I'll rock you to oblivion[1], and I've got more than the DIZZY(!) life / You haven't lived yet, so follow me, please, further - on![2], and I'm trying to stay positive, but ... never mind ... / ... / ... NOTHING matters, it really does ...[1], and I'll rock you to oblivion[2], and I've rolled through enough bad times looking for some pot of gold at the end of a fucking rainbow ...[1], and I'm trying to stay positive, but ... never mind ... / ... / ... NOTHING matters, it really does ...[2], and I still believe, believe me[1], and I've rolled through enough bad times looking for some pot of gold at the end of a fucking rainbow ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Oh, it will never go out of fashion![1], and I still believe, believe me[2], and make your move, NOW(!!!)[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Oh, it will never go out of fashion![2], and, baby, baby, listen ... if you're rolling in blood and fire ... oh, baby, I'm here for YOU(!)[1], and make your move, NOW(!!!)[2], and ... TIME![3], and, baby, baby, listen ... if you're rolling in blood and fire ... oh, baby, I'm here for YOU(!)[2], and here we are, again ... LOOK AT ME!!! / and you know I'm looking at you, kid ...[3], and I'm rolling a-ROUND on the floor of my mind, and, er, the ceiling, whatever this is supposed to mean ...[3], and my soul is DIZZY(!) / and that's the honest truth[3], and I can feel you ...[3], and I'm rolling a-ROUND with my electric buzzing head staring at the lights, blue, yellow, red[3], and I'll start a NEW REVOLUTION, with or without you, believe me[3], and YOU(!) ... YES(!!!) ... YOU(!) better get DIZZY(!) or die tryin' / It's the only game in town[3], and the desert, the emptiness, is calling me again / uh, astral and physical, offering the purest insanity known to Man, man!!![3], and all the rollers and rockers are welcome ...[3], and I've got more than the DIZZY(!) life / You haven't lived yet, so follow me, please, further - on![3], and I'll rock you to oblivion[3], and I'm trying to stay positive, but ... never mind ... / ... / ... NOTHING matters, it really does ...[3], and I've rolled through enough bad times looking for some pot of gold at the end of a fucking rainbow ...[3], and I still believe, believe me[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Oh, it will never go out of fashion![3], and make your move, NOW(!!!)[3], and, baby, baby, listen ... if you're rolling in blood and fire ... oh, baby, I'm here for YOU(!)[3], and

And ... TIME![1], and here we are, again ... LOOK AT ME!!! / and you know I'm looking at you, kid ...[1], and ... TIME![2], and I'm rolling a-ROUND on the floor of my mind, and, er, the ceiling, whatever this is supposed to mean ...[1], and here we are, again ... LOOK AT ME!!! / and you know I'm looking at you, kid ...[2], and my soul is DIZZY(!) / and that's the honest truth[1], and I'm rolling a-ROUND on the floor of my mind, and, er, the ceiling, whatever this is supposed to mean ...[2], and I can feel you ...[1], and my soul is DIZZY(!) / and that's the honest truth[2], and I'm rolling a-ROUND with my electric buzzing head staring at the lights, blue, yellow, red[1], and I can feel you ...[2], and I'll start a NEW REVOLUTION, with or without you, believe me[1], and I'm rolling a-ROUND with my electric buzzing head staring at the lights, blue, yellow, red[2], and YOU(!) ... YES(!!!) ... YOU(!) better get DIZZY(!) or die tryin' / It's the only game in town[1], and I'll start a NEW REVOLUTION, with or without you, believe me[2], and the desert, the emptiness, is calling me again / uh, astral and physical, offering the purest insanity known to Man, man!!![1], and YOU(!) ... YES(!!!) ... YOU(!) better get DIZZY(!) or die tryin' / It's the only game in town[2], and all the rollers and rockers are welcome ...[1], and the desert, the emptiness, is calling me again / uh, astral and physical, offering the purest insanity known to Man, man!!![2], and I've got more than the DIZZY(!) life / You haven't lived yet, so follow me, please, further - on![1], and all the rollers and rockers are welcome ...[2], and I'll rock you to oblivion[1], and I've got more than the DIZZY(!) life / You haven't lived yet, so follow me, please, further - on![2], and I'm trying to stay positive, but ... never mind ... / ... / ... NOTHING matters, it really does ...[1], and I'll rock you to oblivion[2], and I've rolled through enough bad times looking for some pot of gold at the end of a fucking rainbow ...[1], and I'm trying to stay positive, but ... never mind ... / ... / ... NOTHING matters, it really does ...[2], and I still believe, believe me[1], and I've rolled through enough bad times looking for some pot of gold at the end of a fucking rainbow ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Oh, it will never go out of fashion![1], and I still believe, believe me[2], and make your move, NOW(!!!)[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Oh, it will never go out of fashion![2], and, baby, baby, listen ... if you're rolling in blood and fire ... oh, baby, I'm here for YOU(!)[1], and make your move, NOW(!!!)[2], and ... TIME![3], and, baby, baby, listen ... if you're rolling in blood and fire ... oh, baby, I'm here for YOU(!)[2], and here we are, again ... LOOK AT ME!!! / and you know I'm looking at you, kid ...[3], and I'm rolling a-ROUND on the floor of my mind, and, er, the ceiling, whatever this is supposed to mean ...[3], and my soul is DIZZY(!) / and that's the honest truth[3], and I can feel you ...[3], and I'm rolling a-ROUND with my electric buzzing head staring at the lights, blue, yellow, red[3], and I'll start a NEW REVOLUTION, with or without you, believe me[3], and YOU(!) ... YES(!!!) ... YOU(!) better get DIZZY(!) or die tryin' / It's the only game in town[3], and the desert, the emptiness, is calling me again / uh, astral and physical, offering the purest insanity known to Man, man!!![3], and all the rollers and rockers are welcome ...[3], and I've got more than the DIZZY(!) life / You haven't lived yet, so follow me, please, further - on![3], and I'll rock you to oblivion[3], and I'm trying to stay positive, but ... never mind ... / ... / ... NOTHING matters, it really does ...[3], and I've rolled through enough bad times looking for some pot of gold at the end of a fucking rainbow ...[3], and I still believe, believe me[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Oh, it will never go out of fashion![3], and make your move, NOW(!!!)[3], and, baby, baby, listen ... if you're rolling in blood and fire ... oh, baby, I'm here for YOU(!)[3], and

Thomas Melcher is the new chief investment officer!

Well done, Tommy, mate! You deserve it. / Ah, well, that's all the news, dear reader(s). I told you I was going to be running out. Maybe tomorrow I'll break open a couple of the emergency PR emails I've put in a special folder. 'New chief investment officer? Come on, boss, you can tell us more that that!' Can I? 'Where does this Tommy Melcher character work, for one?' Is it important to you, Voice? 'No, but your readers will want to know.' Readers. Jesus! Okay. Mr Thomas Melcher works at PNC Asset Management Group, over in America somewhere ... 'Yeah. And?' And he's the new chief investment officer ... 'It's like getting blood from a stone!' Christ! He's replacing James Dunigan, who's had enough.

...

I'll tell you what, dear reader(s), I've had enough. I just want to get started on the mince pies, you know? 'It's too early yet, Mikey.'

Well ... is it too early for the Phil Spector album? 'The Christmas one?' Obviously the Christmas one. / Christmas! Baby, please come home!

Oh, PNC Asset Management Group manages $48 billion, roughly, in institutional assets. So ...

Never mind ... / You don't care, do you? You just want to get started on the mince pies, yourself. 'I don't like mince pies. I haven't even got a mouth.' Shut up! I wasn't talking to you, Voice. I was talking to them. 'Ha! Them!' Why are you hanging around, man? Haven't you got any presents to buy? 'No. I've done it all.' Yeah? What are you doing this Christmas then? 'Er, spending time with the folks on the astral plane.' Nice. How are your mum and dad? 'They're still dead.' Oh. But besides that ... 'They don't have any complaints, Mikey. It's the astral plane, ain't it?' Yes, I suppose ...

God! There's nothing else to write about. / I'll have to do a conceptual after lunch, of course, No. 375. 'You can't have too many conceptual posts.' Well, that's what I say.

Ian Livingston is going to be the new chairman of Man Group

Once the FCA has given its blessing, of course. / And he's a lord, by the way. Yes, this Screaming Lord Livingston used to be trade minister. 'Ha! I doubt he's a financial shaman, boss.' Er ... he's not a financial shaman, Voice. So nothing will change at Man Group. They'll continue to use that evil computer of theirs, and the shamans at GLG will continue to suffer. 'What can you do about it, boss?' Me? NOTHING! I'll be a rock and roll star next year. I'm getting out, son! 'Oh. / How will all the sad finance people cope without you?' Well, firstly, all the shamans aren't sad, they're full of mystic love - and they don't need me to lead them any more. But, secondly, all the finance workers who aren't shamans ... who gives a shit about them, man?! Seriously! I've given those squares enough chances. They've had nine years to join the revolution.

Jesus H. Christ! / I've got to be selfish next year, dear reader(s). I've got to think of myself, you dig? I've been your spiritual leader since 2007, and I still don't have a pot to piss in. That's not good, is it? I deserve a better life.

...

New Year's resolutions ... / Are you thinking about yours yet? Mine is to spend every spare moment working on my music. I reckon I'll be able to keep it, too, BECAUSE(!) ... if I'm going to be contacting music publishers, I will need to have my shit together 24/7. It's got to be a lifestyle now, not merely a hobby.

Anything else? Er ... well, I think I'm going to struggle for news, actually, the next few weeks. I always do at this time of year. Maybe I'll get some lovely PR emails to ease my pain. I never used to receive them, but I seem to be flavour of the month at the moment. I don't mind. It's like being a journalist! 'Ha! Those bastards have it so easy.' I know, Voice! You don't need to do any research if it's all handed to you on a plate. 'You just have to quote from the emails, and add a comment or two. It's a piece of piss, Mikey!' It certainly is.

There's something inside Stephen Harker

Mr Stephen Harker is a financial shaman and fund manager who works at GLG Partners. He's a bit shy, unfortunately. However, he has told Fundweb that there is something inside him. 'A bit like Alien, boss. That film, yeah?' No, nothing like Alien, Voice. You moron!

Speaking to Harker it is impossible not to be struck by both his passion for the job and his introspection. While clearly enjoying fund management, he admits the pressures and challenges can be difficult. Comparing this interview to a session in the psychologist's chair, Harker says he struggles to understand exactly what motivates him beyond "something inside". For the purposes of our nature versus nurture debate, he is therefore another advocate for the former. More here, dear reader(s).

Obviously, this "something inside" isn't a hellish monster. 'Thank God!' No, I believe it's the blood and fire that all shamans have. Obviously, he's not going to tell the squares at Fundweb all about financial shamanism, BUT(!) ... we understand, don't we, my mystic kook(s)?

...

Well, well ... / This is the last week before my Christmas break, my week off. [And yours?] I'm definitely looking forward to it BECAUSE(!) ... I'm knackered, quite frankly. I need some mince pies!!! 'Ha! Italics! Is that a quote from the Stephen Harker interview?' Yes, Voice. Yes it is.

Oh, by the way, dear reader(s), don't go looking for our Stephen's LinkedIn profile. It's totally weird. It will just freak you out. 'Jesus, Mikey! Is that a picture of Mr Harker?!' No, that's Benny. 'Benny, who, for the love of Christ?!' I've no idea. Just forget you saw it.

...

Anything else? Music? My music? Nothing much to say. I'm merely waiting for time to pass, another three weeks or so. But I'm thinking, man ... TIME!!! It's been five years since I started my "comeback". I thought it would only take eighteen months to get ready. Never mind. I'm ready now ...

Music? Other people's music? What am I listening to? Er ... I'm listening to The Stone Roses, Second Coming. / Blues rock. Not a classic like the first album, but it's worth listening to just for John Squire's guitar playing.

Lunch? I don't know. Cheese sandwich.

Alternative finance knowledge gap press release - it's embargoed!!!

Oh, Christ! Right, er ... it's the Thursday night PR email, obviously, back by popular demand, BUT(!) ... it's embargoed, dear reader(s). I can't tell you anything about it! 'You can, boss! It was only embargoed until one minute past minute last night.' You mean this morning, Voice. 'No, I mean last night, around midnight.' But I was in bed then, getting my beauty sleep! 'You can write about it ANY TIME after the embargo has been lifted.' Can I?! 'Yes!' The PR freaks might have meant past midnight tonight though. 'That's Friday.' What is? 'Past midnight tonight is Friday.' Look, man, I don't want to get into trouble. Are you sure about this? 'Yes! Just write the fucking post, for crying out loud!'

All right. There's an alternative finance knowledge gap. Fuck! This better be okay -

Intelligent Partnership have found that the alternative finance industry needs to do much more to reach out to advisers. Although 73 per cent of the alternative finance providers IP surveyed stated that they were either already marketing to financial advisers, or planned to do so in the future, the vast majority of advisers were still unaware of key industry developments. Only 7 per cent of advisers surveyed realized that alternative finance is now regulated by the FCA, and only 13 per cent were aware that some platforms used contingency funds to protect investors from losses, and ghosts.

Well ... 'You see? What was all the fuss about, Mikey?' I still don't like it, Voice. I think we better leave it there, eh? 'If you say so. / Oh, what was that about ghosts at the end?' Ha! I had to lighten the mood a bit, man.

...

Ah ... 'That's enough.' Exactly! The end of another week. / But before I go, reader(s) ... I want one of these! An Epiphone Les Paul. The cheapest I've seen it is £360. I've got the money, but ... I'm not sure. I have to be careful, you dig? Maybe if my demo gets a good response next year ... [By the way, Epiphone is owned by Gibson. A similar Gibson Les Paul would cost around £1,600.] Later(s), alligator(s).

[No. 374] Dollars or pounds?

It's all money to me!

And for one pound you can get 1.52 dollars! / or so I've been told - by the internet, Jesus![1], and a-ROUND here there is no SENSE(!) to money, or ... anything much / Oh, it's a charmed life for us![1], and for one pound you can get 1.52 dollars! / or so I've been told - by the internet, Jesus![2], and for one dollar you can get 0.66 pounds! / or so I've been told - by the internet, Christ![1], and a-ROUND here there is no SENSE(!) to money, or ... anything much / Oh, it's a charmed life for us![2], and all I'm saying is: It's all money to me, man![1], and for one dollar you can get 0.66 pounds! / or so I've been told - by the internet, Christ![2], and, LORD ... come and save me, please![1], and all I'm saying is: It's all money to me, man![2], and a-ROUND here everything is, er ... free! / If you're willing to give up your soul, of course[1], and, LORD ... come and save me, please![2], and one of these days everything will be more than THREE ...[1], and a-ROUND here everything is, er ... free! / If you're willing to give up your soul, of course[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... you should know the way by now[1], and one of these days everything will be more than THREE ...[2], and I ain't fussy, you dig? / BUT(!) ... I am DIZZY(!), you dig? / No, I ain't fussy at all[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... you should know the way by now[2], and what do YOU(!) ... want, seriously - ?![1], and I ain't fussy, you dig? / BUT(!) ... I am DIZZY(!), you dig? / No, I ain't fussy at all[2], and those bits of coins, er, I mean, bitcoins, eh? What are they all about?![1], and what do YOU(!) ... want, seriously - ?![2], and I suppose the Americans think they're so special ... with all the fund firms having dollars under management, ha![1], and those bits of coins, er, I mean, bitcoins, eh? What are they all about?![2], and ... 'Maybe it's just the particular websites you look at, boss?' / Shut it, slag![1], and I suppose the Americans think they're so special ... with all the fund firms having dollars under management, ha![2], and just give me a good, honest pound ... oh, I'll be happy[1], and ... 'Maybe it's just the particular websites you look at, boss?' / Shut it, slag![2], and for one pound you can get 1.52 dollars! / or so I've been told - by the internet, Jesus![3], and just give me a good, honest pound ... oh, I'll be happy[2], and a-ROUND here there is no SENSE(!) to money, or ... anything much / Oh, it's a charmed life for us![3], and for one dollar you can get 0.66 pounds! / or so I've been told - by the internet, Christ![3], and all I'm saying is: It's all money to me, man![3], and, LORD ... come and save me, please![3], and a-ROUND here everything is, er ... free! / If you're willing to give up your soul, of course[3], and one of these days everything will be more than THREE ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... you should know the way by now[3], and I ain't fussy, you dig? / BUT(!) ... I am DIZZY(!), you dig? / No, I ain't fussy at all[3], and what do YOU(!) ... want, seriously - ?![3], and those bits of coins, er, I mean, bitcoins, eh? What are they all about?![3], and I suppose the Americans think they're so special ... with all the fund firms having dollars under management, ha![3], and ... 'Maybe it's just the particular websites you look at, boss?' / Shut it, slag![3], and just give me a good, honest pound ... oh, I'll be happy[3], and

And for one pound you can get 1.52 dollars! / or so I've been told - by the internet, Jesus![1], and a-ROUND here there is no SENSE(!) to money, or ... anything much / Oh, it's a charmed life for us![1], and for one pound you can get 1.52 dollars! / or so I've been told - by the internet, Jesus![2], and for one dollar you can get 0.66 pounds! / or so I've been told - by the internet, Christ![1], and a-ROUND here there is no SENSE(!) to money, or ... anything much / Oh, it's a charmed life for us![2], and all I'm saying is: It's all money to me, man![1], and for one dollar you can get 0.66 pounds! / or so I've been told - by the internet, Christ![2], and, LORD ... come and save me, please![1], and all I'm saying is: It's all money to me, man![2], and a-ROUND here everything is, er ... free! / If you're willing to give up your soul, of course[1], and, LORD ... come and save me, please![2], and one of these days everything will be more than THREE ...[1], and a-ROUND here everything is, er ... free! / If you're willing to give up your soul, of course[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... you should know the way by now[1], and one of these days everything will be more than THREE ...[2], and I ain't fussy, you dig? / BUT(!) ... I am DIZZY(!), you dig? / No, I ain't fussy at all[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... you should know the way by now[2], and what do YOU(!) ... want, seriously - ?![1], and I ain't fussy, you dig? / BUT(!) ... I am DIZZY(!), you dig? / No, I ain't fussy at all[2], and those bits of coins, er, I mean, bitcoins, eh? What are they all about?![1], and what do YOU(!) ... want, seriously - ?![2], and I suppose the Americans think they're so special ... with all the fund firms having dollars under management, ha![1], and those bits of coins, er, I mean, bitcoins, eh? What are they all about?![2], and ... 'Maybe it's just the particular websites you look at, boss?' / Shut it, slag![1], and I suppose the Americans think they're so special ... with all the fund firms having dollars under management, ha![2], and just give me a good, honest pound ... oh, I'll be happy[1], and ... 'Maybe it's just the particular websites you look at, boss?' / Shut it, slag![2], and for one pound you can get 1.52 dollars! / or so I've been told - by the internet, Jesus![3], and just give me a good, honest pound ... oh, I'll be happy[2], and a-ROUND here there is no SENSE(!) to money, or ... anything much / Oh, it's a charmed life for us![3], and for one dollar you can get 0.66 pounds! / or so I've been told - by the internet, Christ![3], and all I'm saying is: It's all money to me, man![3], and, LORD ... come and save me, please![3], and a-ROUND here everything is, er ... free! / If you're willing to give up your soul, of course[3], and one of these days everything will be more than THREE ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... you should know the way by now[3], and I ain't fussy, you dig? / BUT(!) ... I am DIZZY(!), you dig? / No, I ain't fussy at all[3], and what do YOU(!) ... want, seriously - ?![3], and those bits of coins, er, I mean, bitcoins, eh? What are they all about?![3], and I suppose the Americans think they're so special ... with all the fund firms having dollars under management, ha![3], and ... 'Maybe it's just the particular websites you look at, boss?' / Shut it, slag![3], and just give me a good, honest pound ... oh, I'll be happy[3], and

And for one pound you can get 1.52 dollars! / or so I've been told - by the internet, Jesus![1], and a-ROUND here there is no SENSE(!) to money, or ... anything much / Oh, it's a charmed life for us![1], and for one pound you can get 1.52 dollars! / or so I've been told - by the internet, Jesus![2], and for one dollar you can get 0.66 pounds! / or so I've been told - by the internet, Christ![1], and a-ROUND here there is no SENSE(!) to money, or ... anything much / Oh, it's a charmed life for us![2], and all I'm saying is: It's all money to me, man![1], and for one dollar you can get 0.66 pounds! / or so I've been told - by the internet, Christ![2], and, LORD ... come and save me, please![1], and all I'm saying is: It's all money to me, man![2], and a-ROUND here everything is, er ... free! / If you're willing to give up your soul, of course[1], and, LORD ... come and save me, please![2], and one of these days everything will be more than THREE ...[1], and a-ROUND here everything is, er ... free! / If you're willing to give up your soul, of course[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... you should know the way by now[1], and one of these days everything will be more than THREE ...[2], and I ain't fussy, you dig? / BUT(!) ... I am DIZZY(!), you dig? / No, I ain't fussy at all[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... you should know the way by now[2], and what do YOU(!) ... want, seriously - ?![1], and I ain't fussy, you dig? / BUT(!) ... I am DIZZY(!), you dig? / No, I ain't fussy at all[2], and those bits of coins, er, I mean, bitcoins, eh? What are they all about?![1], and what do YOU(!) ... want, seriously - ?![2], and I suppose the Americans think they're so special ... with all the fund firms having dollars under management, ha![1], and those bits of coins, er, I mean, bitcoins, eh? What are they all about?![2], and ... 'Maybe it's just the particular websites you look at, boss?' / Shut it, slag![1], and I suppose the Americans think they're so special ... with all the fund firms having dollars under management, ha![2], and just give me a good, honest pound ... oh, I'll be happy[1], and ... 'Maybe it's just the particular websites you look at, boss?' / Shut it, slag![2], and for one pound you can get 1.52 dollars! / or so I've been told - by the internet, Jesus![3], and just give me a good, honest pound ... oh, I'll be happy[2], and a-ROUND here there is no SENSE(!) to money, or ... anything much / Oh, it's a charmed life for us![3], and for one dollar you can get 0.66 pounds! / or so I've been told - by the internet, Christ![3], and all I'm saying is: It's all money to me, man![3], and, LORD ... come and save me, please![3], and a-ROUND here everything is, er ... free! / If you're willing to give up your soul, of course[3], and one of these days everything will be more than THREE ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... you should know the way by now[3], and I ain't fussy, you dig? / BUT(!) ... I am DIZZY(!), you dig? / No, I ain't fussy at all[3], and what do YOU(!) ... want, seriously - ?![3], and those bits of coins, er, I mean, bitcoins, eh? What are they all about?![3], and I suppose the Americans think they're so special ... with all the fund firms having dollars under management, ha![3], and ... 'Maybe it's just the particular websites you look at, boss?' / Shut it, slag![3], and just give me a good, honest pound ... oh, I'll be happy[3], and

Michael Page? Silver Ridge Asset Management?

Well, well ... / Mikey Page, if the TRUTH(!) be told. 'Just like you, boss! Mikey!' My name is Michael Fowke, Voice. 'Oh, all right.'

Anyway, this Mikey Page has joined Silver Ridge Asset Management as chief operating officer. Actually, it's a hedge fund which was delayed for a while. 'Oh dear.' Yeah, some sort of FCA investigation. But it's all over now. Everyone's happy. There's no problem. [Let the good times roll!] Silver Ridge will launch in January with $500 million in assets under management. 'Based in America, is it?' England, I think. [Maybe America too. I don't know.] Why? 'Okay.' Yeah, I know what you're thinking, man. American dollars again. It's just one of those things. There's nothing that can be done about it.

NEVER MIND ...

I'm looking at Mikey's LinkedIn profile. He calls himself "Mike Page" for some reason. 'It takes all sorts to make a world, boss. / Maybe it's a fake profile.' No. Too many connections. There's not much information though. 'Have you signed in? There might be more information, er ... inside, like.' Ha! You know I'm not a member of LinkedIn, Voice. 'Will you ever be?' Well, I said I would never join, but it might be useful when I'm a rock and roll shaman ... to connect with music industry people, you dig? I'll see how it goes.

So, well ... I don't have much more to say about Mikey Page and Silver Ridge. Sorry. 'Oh ... never mind.' Obviously, I wish everyone involved the best of luck. 'Yeah.' I mean, we'll always need new hedge funds, won't we? 'Well ...'

...

Anything else? 'Lunch!' I'm having a luxury egg sandwich for my lunch. 'From the petrol station, Michael?' Ha! It sounds seedy when you say it like that, Voice. It's really a small Tesco store that sells petrol, too, you understand? 'Oh.' Christ! I don't want my readers thinking I'm some sort of scumbag ...

Music? I'm listening to Fools Gold 9.53 ... a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND.

[If ... The Stone Roses had quickly followed their first album with an album full of Fools Gold-type songs they would have become gods.]