Thursday, 3 April 2008

Alitalia needs an exorcist

Big trouble at Alitalia, the Italian airline. Not only is it on the verge of bankruptcy after Air France-KLM pulled out of takeover talks, but the airline is seemingly plagued by demons straight from the bowels of hell. Yes, it's true. This ain't me talking crap. Maurizio Prato, chairman of Alitalia (resigned), has actually gone on record to say: 'This airline is cursed. Only an exorcist can save it.'

Shocking, eh? But as this is a financial matter I would not recommend a traditional exorcist from the Roman Catholic Church. As I was saying to Vikram Pandit recently, Jesus doesn't give a flying fuck about anyone's money problems. What would Jesus care if Alitalia went out of business? No, this is a job for a financial shaman, and the shaman would have to approach either Big Herb or Ganesh. Then what would happen is, one of these money gods would materialize on earth for a short while - very expensive, by the way; any new chairman will have to dig deep into his pockets for this one - and then go around kicking the living shit out of the demons. Give them a pasting they won't forget in a hurry. Yes, I know it sounds brutal, but it's the only language they understand. None of this - O dark soul, leave this place in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. None of that. Big Herb will just square up to a demon and put one on him. And that's what you pay your money for. Worth every penny, I'd say.