Thursday, 24 April 2008

Rudolf Weber and his sausages

What the fuck is going on at UBS? Yesterday at a shareholders' meeting in Basle some old guy by the name of Rudolf Weber was throwing sausages around. And then to make matters wurst, Marcel Ospel produced a tube of mustard from his pocket. Is this the image that a serious bank should present to the world? I presume UBS is still a serious bank.

I have been speaking to my dear friend - and boss of Barclays Capital - Bob Diamond. He told me, 'I spoke to you recently about people with bad karma and shit chakras, but this is beyond belief. It's a crazy situation. Sausages and mustard, and Luqman Arnold - he hasn't gone away yet, has he? Subprime as well. Christ, what a mess! I must admit I'm still new to this mystical capitalism lark, but even I can see that UBS needs to bring in a team of shamans and mystics. Something's got to be done.'

By the way, Bob, I would just like to say how pleased I am to see the changes in you. It wasn't long ago that any talk of mystical capitalism would wind you right up, but now you've taken to it like a duck to water. Who would believe that there was once a time when you considered me an absolute lunatic? See you on the astral plane.