Monday, 21 April 2008

Invesco Perpetual: Neil Woodford the star manager

I was very happy to see a newspaper article today about Invesco Perpetual and its top fund manager Neil Woodford. Neil is an old student of mine, and I'm just so proud of him and his career - basically, a brilliant advertisement for my skills as a financial shaman, and mystical capitalism in general. He is head of investment at Invesco Perpetual, and manages £19 billion in sixteen portfolios. What a long way he has come.

I remember the desert. I remember all the questions Neil would ask me:

Master, why do I feel so lonely? My child, loneliness is the way of the shaman. You must be strong, and show no fear. In time, the loneliness will become your strength. You are set apart, no longer one of the herd. Have faith. Think about money.

Master, when I go to sleep, why is there a burning in my dreams? My child, this burning is just the start. It is the mystical burning of money, and soon it will spread from your dreams to your whole life. Every moment you are awake you will feel this burning, and you will learn to love it. There is nothing to fear. This is the way of the shaman. You have chosen the burning, and the burning has chosen you. Rejoice!

Master, who is Bob Yerbury? I hear his voice calling me. My child, Bob Yerbury lives in the future. You will find him when the time is right. Ask no more questions about the future. You must find the moment.

Master, what is the moment? My child, the moment is now. Yet many people lose it. Many people waste it. In this moment you are learning and growing, but the moment will pass. And there will be other moments. They will become one season. A season in the desert. But when will you experience the season in Henley-on-Thames?

O Master, when will I? O my child, in the future. No more questions about the future.

Master, why did you ask a question about the future, about Henley-on-Thames? My child, I am a financial shaman, and your Master. I can ask any question, and receive the answer.

Master, who answers your questions? O foolish one, young child, don't you know? The gods answer. The ghosts of the dead financiers answer. Have you learnt nothing?

Master, I am still learning. When will I be ready? Will you tell me when? My child, you will be ready when the burning is intense, when your eyes are full of money, and when your heart feels as glorious as the finest gold and yet as light as a feather. You will not need me to tell you. You will know. And you will leave the desert and go back into the world, and you will become incredibly wealthy and successful. For it is written.