Monday, 14 April 2008

O capitalists, the world is yours!

O capitalists, the world is yours! Yes, it's true. Don't fear the credit crunch, or the Reaper. But have faith in Big Herb.

In the desert, O my children, my brothers, my sisters, I have seen it all. From the beginning of time to the end of days. I know how much money there is, and where it is. And I've seen the gold, all of it! Oh yes, I've seen it all. I've seen what bankers have only dreamed they saw!

My mad mystic wanderings have taken me into the unknown! O my devotees, how did I get back? Through sheer will, that's how. And I came back for you. I have brought the unknown into your lives. See it! Taste it! Feel it! Oh yes, my friends, it is growing. You are changing. You are starting to see visions! Look! Miracles of stock are flooding before your new eyes! Your opened souls! Touch them! Touch them! O my children, this is my gift to you all.

O brothers, O sisters, beware the petty ones! The ones who are full of anger, envy, fear, and spite. The lost ones! Godless fools! The low ones! O my children, you know to whom I refer. They hate your visions, but secretly covet your wealth. Yes, it's true. Desperately sad and true. These envious ones would take it all from you if they could, and spend it on outreach workers or subsidized theatre. Beware!

O my beautiful capitalists, the time is now! Rejoice! Paste fifty-pound notes or hundred-dollar bills on to your faces! Show your money to the world! Yes, show it! Show the money made in the fire of Big Herb's holy love! Let everyone see your wealth, and rejoice, and be happy, and praise Big Herb.

O my dear friends, when you next go to sleep, sleep the sleep of the righteous. Do it for me, and know that you are truly blessed.