Wednesday, 16 April 2008

Greg Coffey: will he stay, or will he go?

There seems to be a great deal of confusion at GLG partners right now. Apparently, its top fund manager, Greg Coffey, quit on Monday. But on Tuesday he withdrew his resignation. It has been said that Mr Coffey wants to start his own hedge fund. So why did he withdraw his resignation then? Not even the newspapers know.

But I know, and you won't read about this anywhere else. I'm involved. The fact is, Greg is having second thoughts about his hedge fund because he couldn't get me on board. He wanted me to be his senior financial shaman, and he offered me a brilliant package. But alas, I turned him down. And I'll explain why. Besides considering myself CEO material, I don't want to work for someone else ever again. My time at Shaman Money Management scarred me for life. Those motherfuckers - sorry, but I'm still angry about it - tried to destroy me. They thought I was just some punk shaman they could dispose of, and never hear about again. Well, I got my revenge, didn't I? I’m acknowledged worldwide as being the greatest living financial shaman. I'm friends with people such as Vikram Pandit, John Thain (he phoned me last night, we're cool again), and Bob Diamond. Even Warren Buffett has invited me to one of his bridge nights. But what about the SMM bosses? Where are they now? After SMM went out of business, most of them couldn't even find another job. I heard that Anthony Eatwell ended up working as a shoeshine boy in Liverpool Street Station. I shit you not. That's what happens when you fuck with me.