Monday, 17 August 2009

Is Todd Edgar going to Barclays Capital?

That's what everyone wants to know. Is Todd Edgar going to leave JPMorgan and work at BarCap on its foreign exchange trading desk? And is he taking his four mates with him? That's what everyone wants to know. BarCap is offering a package of £30 million in pay and bonuses. That's what everyone wants to know. Eh? O Master -

Forget it, my child.

I have been speaking to Todd Edgar -

That's what everyone wants to know -

And he told me: 'Mikey, everyone wants to know what I'm planning to do. But the truth is, I don't know what to do, man. Sure, the money I'm being offered is very attractive, but I'm worried about all the supernatural shenanigans at BarCap. (Why, Todd? Why are you worried?) Well, man, I ain't into all this voodoo shit. (Todd, it ain't voodoo shit. It's mystical capitalism.) No, man, it's voodoo shit. How do I know Bobby Diamond won't steal my soul? How do I know I won't wake up in the middle of the night to find the ghosts of dead financiers crowding around my bed, with terrifying expressions on their faces? (Todd, mate, what have you been smoking? The ghosts of the dead financiers have got far more important things to do than play tricks on traders in the middle of the friggin' night. These are serious guys. You've been watching too many movies. And why would Bobby steal your soul? You think you're so special, so wonderful, that the boss of an investment bank really wants your soul? Give me a break. Besides, I haven't even taught Bobby how to steal souls yet.) Bobby doesn't know how to steal souls? (No. He floats around on the astral plane, but that's about it.) Well, that's a relief, Mike.'

Jesus. Some people.