Monday, 3 August 2009

RWC Partners: some new analysts to work with Mike Corcell

Oh dear. I was afraid this might happen. RWC Partners has hired some new analysts to work on US long-short funds with portfolio manager Mike Corcell. The analysts are: Gabe Marshank, Alex Robarts, and Sam Weeman. Also, a trader, Hayes Varey, has been thrown into the mix for good measure. Oh dear.

Jesus H. Christ! Will these people never learn? Doesn't RWC know what happened when Corcell was at Threadneedle? Doesn't it know about Mike's bad trip in the desert with FIVE FREAKIN' ANALYSTS who subsequently went missing?

I have been speaking to Arthur Simmons about this absolute sociopath, and this is what he said: 'Shit! Is history going to repeat itself? I'm afraid it might, Mikey. Everyone knows this Mike Corcell dude can't be trusted to work alongside analysts. He hates them. Ever since the desert. (What happened out there, Arthur?) Well, Michael, this is just hearsay. No one really knows what happened. (Not even Corcell?) Man, he was so stoned. He reckons he can't remember anything. But I heard this from one of the ghosts of the dead financiers. Apparently, it was a team-building exercise that went wrong. Corcell and the analysts were trying to merge with one another and the cosmos. (Total oneness!) Exactly. But there was some bad acid involved, and things turned nasty. (Fuck! What happened, man?) The analysts all directed their razor-sharp intellects against Corcell. They started analysing him. (There's always a danger of that, Arthur.) Yeah. They destroyed that man's life! Tore him apart. They saw the devil in him. Or at least they claimed to. But they saw Jesus too. Do you have any idea what that can do to a man's soul? (He must have been confused, Arthur.) Confused? He was driven insane! (So what happened to the analysts?) No one knows, Mikey. No one knows. A search party was sent out. They found Corcell in a cave, crying hysterically, naked, covered in some sort of red paint - (Blood?) - I don't know. It was all hushed up by Threadneedle. (Jesus!) Yeah. I don't envy those new guys at RWC.'

Listen, Gabe, Alex, Sam - if there is anything you want to talk about, anything at all, just get in touch. I am here to help.