Tuesday, 30 August 2011

Orwell Capital and the Kerdos hedge fund made of solid gold

Orwell Capital has a cunning plan to launch some sort of Kerdos Premium Fund, which - as well as comprising of two sub-funds, The Private Equity Gold Sub-Fund, and The Gold Sub-Fund - will be made of solid gold. Unless I've misunderstood. (I am easily confused.) It doesn't seem to make any sense, does it? Will the manager(s) be made of solid gold, also?

Maybe Franco Mignemi will enlighten us. 'I am (or will be - after the launch) the manager of the Kerdos Premium Fund. I am not made of solid gold, and neither is Kerdos. But I spray myself gold in the privacy of my own home, just to get in the mood. And I often dance around the living room, chanting: "Kerdos, Kerdos, you are my golden fund, you are my natural hedge on inflation". Maybe that is what you are referring to, Mr Fowke. Maybe someone - some sick bastard informer, one of my enemies, a spy, so perverted, so depraved - was peeking through a gap in the curtains. This degenerate must have seen me naked, with the gold spray. That's the only explanation I can think of. It's how rumours start. The next thing you know, everyone is saying you're the manager of a fund of solid gold, and that you are solid gold, yourself. I have no idea what motivates these people.'

That was Franco, speaking to me a few seconds ago, in my head. And I have to agree with him, these people are sick. Death to all chivatos!