Wednesday, 31 August 2011

FSA decides to fine Swift Trade £8 million for market abuse

Just decides, out of the blue. 'Let's pick on Swift Trade today.' It's absolutely disgraceful. And I was under the impression the FSA had died a long time ago. I thought Damien Hirst had pickled the regulator and put it on display. Well, he had, of course. But The Dead Shark That Refuses To Believe In Death is still swimming around looking for financial firms to take a bite out of. An astral shark, I presume. (I hadn't considered that possibility - until now.) Even though I have banned all astral activities. Maybe I should fine the FSA. Yes! A taste of its own medicine, as it were. I'd love to see their faces. And the face of the dead shark, with eyes that have always been dead. (Are they actually inside the shark, all the FSA's employees? Dear reader, I can sense you're starting to think I haven't thought this through properly.)

Here's the dead shark on Swift Trade: 'In the FSA's opinion, between 1 January 2007 and 4 January 2008, Swift Trade's manipulative trading caused a succession of small price movements in a wide range of individual shares on the London Stock Exchange (LSE) from which Swift Trade made substantial profits. It has not been possible to measure Swift Trade's profits precisely; however, they were in excess of £1.75m.' More, than is healthy.

'In the FSA's opinion ...' Well, we all know what Clint Eastwood said about opinions. 'Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one.' A bit crude, but I think we get the point. (Yes, a reference to popular culture. This so-called "fresh start" of mine hasn't really taken off yet. I live with chaos. You don't know what it's like.) Anyone interested in my opinion? I better not say anything. Clint will be pleased.

O Master, 'It's absolutely disgraceful'?

My child, that was my opinion on the FSA fining Swift Trade £8 million, not on Swift Trade's "manipulative" trading. And aren't you supposed to be dead?

Not dead, exactly. You banished me, I believe.

Well, piss off, then.