Wednesday, 9 December 2015

Martin Coward's pet dormouse is on the road to recovery!

Great! Well done, everyone! I mean, for raising the money. I love you, my beautiful readers!!! This has restored my faith in humanity. 'Eh?! What's this all about, boss? Remind me. Please!' Christ! Voice, I wrote a post last year ...

Martin Coward was planning to start his own hedge fund. However, he didn't have enough money. And he got depressed. So he decided to spend more time with his pet dormouse instead. Unfortunately, the dormouse is poorly now. It needs treatment at the vets. And that's why Mr Coward wants your money, dear reader(s). Yes, he wants you to invest in his dormouse, or take a share in it, or adopt it ... er, I don't know what's going on with this guy. We've all seen the adverts on TV: Adopt a tiger and get a free cuddly tiger toy! This is the same sort of thing, although Martin won't even be sending you the toy.

'I see.' Well, the good news is, Martin's dormouse went up 3.71 per cent in November. Just one month, man! 'Er ... what do you mean, up 3.71 per cent?' The dormouse has put on weight. It's getting better! 'Oh, that's good. Martin must be happy.' Happy? He's over the moon. This is what he said to me earlier -

Mikey, how can I thank you? How can I thank your readers? I'm just overwhelmed. It was touch and go for a while. I didn't think Eric was going to make it. You're a beautiful man, Mikey. Your readers are beautiful too.

'Who the fuck is Eric?!' That's the name of his dormouse. / This is the power of blogging!


Anything else?

Oh, I saw Ian Brown from The Stone Roses in Chiswick yesterday. 'Bollocks, Mikey.' It's not bollocks, Voice. He was walking beside me for a few minutes, and someone on Twitter says he lives there. 'Bloody hell!' Yeah, and it's got to be a good omen, man. 'Why?' Well, as a rock and roll shaman, Ian Brown isn't too far behind Jim Morrison, so ... 'Okay. And you'll be abandoning financial shamanism next year ... for the rock and roll game.' Exactly! It's definitely a good omen.

Er ...

Music? What am I listening to? The Stone Roses, obviously. The first album.

[For American readers who may be wondering why it's a big deal meeting Ian Brown, the five greatest albums of all time are ...

1. The Stone Roses
2. Revolver
3. OK Computer
4. Sgt. Pepper
5. Pet Sounds

Do you understand?]

Music? My music? Four weeks to go! I'm more or less ready. I've just got to sort out some copyright stuff. / I was listening to my songs again last night. I'm satisfied I can't do better at the moment. They're slightly rough recordings, but great performances! So I'm feeling very positive right now ...

Let the good times roll!