Monday, 25 July 2016

West Street Capital Partners - ?!

It's a new Goldman Sachs private equity fund. And they're going to be raising between five and eight billion dollars for it! Yes, you heard me. Billions! That's why I love Goldman. They're so ambitious. They don't screw around with chump change.

Well, I have been speaking to my old friend Lloyd Blankfein. [I phoned him late last night.] This is what was spoken between us: 'Mikey, how ya doing, son? Are you still alive? (I'm all right, Lloyd. How long has it been?) I don't know. Years, man. What you been doing? (Oh, you know. This and that. Shaman business. And a bit of music.) So why are you phoning? (I can't phone an old friend?) Ha! You heard about the fund, right? (Yeah.) You heard we were raising billions and thought maybe some of that could be thrown your way. (Well ...) I understand, Mikey. It's human nature. No one's judging you. (Okay.) It's just that we really need ALL the money, you dig? (All right.) Now maybe if you were to come back and work for me ... maybe something could be arranged. You might find some of that money in your bank account. A few million. (Oh, I don't know, Lloyd.) Work for me. Just like old times. Come on, man. (Yeah, but I'm past all that, Lloyd, really.) Okay. Never mind. (So you're excited about the new fund, yeah?) Fuckin' A, I'm excited! We ain't done nothing like this for years. Since 2007, I think. We even had a whip-round in the office. Is that the expression? Whip-round? (Yeah.) Raised $500 million of our own money, just like that! (Wow!) It's gonna be big, Mikey. (Why doesn't the fund have the Goldman name? I mean, you know, West Street Capital Partners? What the hell is that?) Ah, we don't wanna scare people off. It's safer this way. (I understand.) You still hanging out with that schnook? (What schnook?) Bobby D. (Bob Diamond? I ain't see him in years. I've lost contact with everyone, Lloyd.) Ha! What kind of goddamn financial shaman are you?! (Man, I've been doing my music, you know?) But you're still writing your blog? (This is all going in the blog.) Don't quote me, Mikey. (Give it a rest, Lloyd. You got nothing to fear.) Okay, Mikey. It's been nice talking to you again. I'll see you around. Maybe on the astral plane. (Maybe I'll see you a-ROUND, Lloyd.) What? (I said maybe I'll see you a-ROUND, Lloyd. With capitals. Conceptual stuff.) What?! (Never mind.) Crazy fucking kid ...'

Well, well ... / Lloyd Blankfein, eh? What a guy! He's still at the top of his game. Anyone's game, in fact.