Wednesday, 11 April 2018

Christian Sewing has replaced John Cryan at Deutsche Bank

Which won't be news to loads of you, dear reader(s), I'm sure. But it was news to me this morning. Besides, I need something to write about. 'Boss, why are you writing about a bank?! Aren't there any new hedge funds?' New hedge funds? Maybe there are, Voice, and maybe there aren't. I'm out of the loop, man. (Well, that particular loop. See below.) Anyway, I've written about John Cryan before - in 2010, I believe. 'Oh. What did you say about him?' You want me to go through my archive? 'Yes.' All right, give me a minute ... [a minute passes] ... here -

Mr Cryan, chief financial officer extraordinaire, is heading for the physical/astral desert of our love. Where the money always burns, and the moons always shine - if you have your astral eyes in. Where you can touch the sky! You can get as high as an eagle. So it's gonna be astral more than physical. It's gonna be crazy rather than thoroughly sane and dull. And Mr Cryan will be multicoloured, oh, not the usual grey. Because he's had enough! He's nearly fifty and he ain't lived yet. Who can blame him for yearning after the delights of the desert?

Okay, er ... let me explain, dear reader(s). Mr Cryan was leaving UBS at the time to pursue other interests. 'And you wrote that, boss?!' Yes. 'Okay. What are you going to write about him now?' Nothing. 'Nothing?!' Well, Christian Sewing has replaced him as chief executive of Deutsche Bank, and that's all the news, man.

Obviously, Mr Cryan should have stayed in the desert, rather than get another job in banking. But who listens to me? And that's why I don't go on about the desert no more. It's just a waste of time. Bankers and hedgies had their chance. 'But when you're a rock and roll shaman ...' Well, that'll be different, Voice. Maybe the rock crowd will be more interested in the desert. Just look at the success that Jim Morrison had. 'Yeah.' Having said that, I may actually become a rock and roll samurai. (See below.) 'Oh.' That seems more likely at the moment. Ha! Why are we even discussing this?

Now, Mr Sewing. Uh. I looked for his LinkedIn page, but couldn't find it. Just got something about massages. 'Oh dear.' Yeah. Wikipedia was helpful though. 'Oh, good.' Apparently, Mr Sewing is very passionate about playing tennis - as a hobby, like.


(Below!) Anyway, anything else? Samurai shit? I'm still reading Elon Musk by Ashlee Vance - on a loop, yes. I reckon it's going to be fun applying Musk's methods and attitudes to the rather silly (let's be honest) world of pop and rock. 'It'll be apocalyptic, Mikey!' Fuckin' A it will!

Oh ... when is the weather going to get better? Where's the bloody summer?! You've got to feel for the Aviva Investors mob. 'Ha! They're all right in the pub. They don't have any complaints, believe me.' But they should be in the park, man. Never mind.

Later(s), blog fan(s)!