Thursday, 2 January 2014

Honours for Peter Hargreaves and other financial characters ...

People are just animals ... trying to make themselves feel important in the short time they have left. And God is laughing. He doesn't care if you call yourself a conservative, or an anarchist, or a socialist, or a Christian, or an atheist, or a banker, or a rock star. I only call myself a financial shaman for a joke. I'm laughing with God. / But enough of laughter! We have finance to deal with. Peter Hargreaves (of Hargreaves Lansdown fame) has been given a CBE in the New Year's Honours list. Great! I'm sure it's only a matter of time before Pete becomes a lord like our Screaming Lord Woodford. (Or Viscount Woodford, or Field Marshal Woodford. I can't keep up!) Also, Paul Tucker. He's now Sir Paul. (A nice consolation prize, eh?) Katherine Garrett-Cox - who?! - she's got herself a CBE. And John Kay. What has he got, dear reader(s)? Yes, a CBE!

Well, well, I, er ... I hope these honours make them happy. It's nice to be recognized, isn't it? I remember when Big Herb started pushing me forward in the world of financial shamanism. I became the money king with his help. (Did he really "help" me?) Then I cut Big Herb's throat in the astral night and became ... Big Mikey, I suppose. I don't know. / I can't say I'm happy though. Actually, that's not true. I'm happy with the simple things in life. You know, like going for a walk in the park, hearing the birds in the trees, feeling the weak winter sun on my face. That's happiness. And if I were in Cornwall: after a couple of ciders, I'd be sitting on a bench and staring at the sea, at peace, contemplating eternity.

Reader(s), you've got to get out! Leave it all behind. I'm serious. Don't let the devil's servants tie you down with a bigger job, more money, maybe even a CBE. You're better than that. (You're reading this, ain't ya?) You can still be saved.