Thursday, 23 January 2014

Jonathan Auerbach

Do you know Jonathan Auerbach, dear reader(s)? Have you ever heard of him? 'They've never heard of him, boss.' All right, Voice, my readers can speak for themselves. / Nothing to say? So, you've never heard of him. Never mind. Jonathan Auerbach co-founded long/short equity fund Hound Partners with Scott McLellan. 'Mikey, no one has heard of Jonathan or Scott! Why do you waste your time like this?' Shut up! They've just launched a pair of hedge funds, man. That's news, that is. My readers want the news. 'Oh, wake up! If your readers wanted the news they wouldn't come here. They'd go to Reuters or Bloomberg.' Well ... 'Your readers are here for the blood and fire.' Christ. I ain't got no blood and fire to give no more, son. Don't you understand? 'You're going through a bad patch.' No! 'Yes. You've got these funny ideas about music now. All that Burt Bacharach shit, Malibu and that.' Piss off! 'Mikey, you've got to open up the desert.' NO WAY! Absolutely not! Unless it's as a rock and roll shaman. 'For crying out loud! / What about these hedge funds then?' Well, one is a version of the Hound Partners Concentrated fund. 'Right.' And the other is a version of the Hound Partners Long fund. It's all onshore and offshore, apparently. 'Fascinating!' Yeah. Well ...

Oh, I don't know. / Lunch, lunch, lunch ... Cheese Sandwich! Er, after lunch, I'm going to take Hound Partners for a spin. I might try to throw in a bit of blood and fire. I've got to keep the punters happy, I suppose. What a life, eh?!