Friday, 30 November 2007

Stanley Fink sells Man Group shares for £27.2 million

Stanley Fink, deputy chairman of hedge fund manager Man Group, has sold five million of his shares in the group for £27.2 million. He still retains 14.5 million shares. The word on the street is that Mr Fink wants to diversify his investment portfolio. Well, that's understandable. We've all wanted to do that at some point, haven't we?

But I'm wondering what Stan will invest his money in now. So is Maurice Marble III. Sadly, I was speaking with Maurice this morning, and here's the latest shit he has come out with - 'I will be contacting Mr Fink as soon as possible because I have got some great investment opportunities for him. The best one - and this will knock your socks off - is a new machine I've invented that you plug into your brain. It's nothing like my old machine that projected your dreams on to a wall. This is new. Don't forget I'm Acton's leading brain specialist. This amazing machine actually reads your mind and makes plans for your future. How many times in a day do you feel confused? How often do you feel you don't know your own mind? Those days are over, my friend. My machine will comprehensively -'

I put the phone down. Life is too short.