This is all rather serious, but there is absolutely no need to panic. I have been tipped off that the demonic financier Jack Pickles is planning to recruit up to 286 Goldman Sachs managing directors. I have compiled a list of these directors below. None of them are financial shamans or money mystics, but Jack feels that they are susceptible to his charms. He is hoping to train them in the dark arts.
Can anything be done to stop Jack Pickles? Well, maybe. I have adapted a curse from Magnus's Book of Money Curses which may help. If you are one of the directors on the list, I advise you to recite the following before bedtime every night -
O Jack Pickles, if you come near me, if you even think of coming near me, you will burn! Yes, burn, burn in the pit, with all your confederates, the sick angels. O mad Jack, there is no hope for you. Michael Fowke will protect me. Big Herb will protect me. You're going to lose. Go away, Jack. Flee!
Here's the list: John P. Curtin Jr, Richard A. Friedman, David A. Viniar, Armen A. Avanessians, Gary D. Cohn, J. Michael Evans, Peter S. Kraus, Edward C. Forst, Timothy J. Ingrassia, Richard T. Ong, David R. Boles, Matthew S. Darnall, Laurie R. Ferber, Audrey A. McNiff, J. Michael Sanders, Matthew T. Fremont-Smith, Robert D. Hormats, Geraldine F. McManus, Ravi Sinha, Steven H. Strongin, Eileen Rominger, Dean C. Backer, Alision L. Bott, Jeffrey F. Fastov, Bruce A. Heyman, Ivan Ross, Jack Levy, Mark F. Dehnert, William A. Badia, Tin Hsien Tan, Timothy H. Thornton, Ingrid C. Tierens, Nadia Titarchuk, Mark R. Tolette, Patrick M. Tribolet, Sebastian Varga von Kibed, Massimiliano Veneziani, Nicholas H. von Moltke, Alan S. Wilmit, Carinne S. Withey, Salvatore T. Lentini, David N. Frechette, Khaled Eldabag, Leonard Brooks III, Keith Tuffley, Alla Gil, Ana C. Cabral, Dina H. Powell, Anthony Gutman, Miriam T. Esteve, Patrick Tassin de Nonneville, David M. Inggs, Shirish B. Godbole, Jonathan R. Symonds, David R. Cukierman, Andrea Vella, Karl J. Robijns, Timothy Callahan, Markus L. Aakko, Nicholas Alston, Alexandra J. Anido, Jean-Baptiste Aussourd, Brian W. Bolster, C. Kane Brenan, Michael A. Cagnassola, Christian Channell, Yves Checoury, Remi Colinmaire, Gavin S. Da Cunha, Bruno P. De Kegel, Jeffrey L. Dodge, Andrew J. Duke, Jonathan M. Egol, Halil Emecen, David A. Fox, Maksim Gelfer, Tamilla F. Ghodsi, Marc C. Gilly, Douglas Horlick, Toby C. Watson, Han Song Zhu, Pekka I. Soininen, Michael T. Smith, Heather Arnold, Tuan Lam, Jess T. Fardella, Kristin F. Gannon, Jonathan M. Penkin, Craig W. Packer, Kevin A. Lockhart, Massimo Della Ragione, David Z. Alter, Oliver B. Benkert, Joshua S. Birnbaum, Emmanuel Bresson, William E. Burgess, Trevor R. Busche, Roy E. Campbell II, Steven N. Cho, Timothy Craighead, Joshua C. Critchley, Tracy DeBlieck, Michael Dinias, Vance M. Duigan, Steve T. Elia, David A. Friedland, Paul Graves, Norman A. Hardie, Ericka T. Horan, Kathleen Jack, Edward C. Knight, David W. Lang, Alexander G. Loosley, David B. Ludwig, Aedan M. MacGreevy, Jeff Mullen, Hideyuki Fred Omokawa, Zara Pratley, Lloyd S. Reynolds, Michael E. Ronen, Ricardo Salaman, Thierry Sancier, Ian M. Schmidek, Stephen B. Scobie, Judith L. Shandling, Graham P. Shaw, Steven R. Sher, Ramsey D. Smith, Robert A. Sorrell, Konstantinos N. Pantazopoulos, Kenneth A. Pontarelli, Vijay C. Popat, J. Timothy Romer, John R. Sawtell, Mark D. Shattan, Adam Sherman, Keith A. Shultis, Norborne G. Smith III, Robert C. Spofford, Joseph J. Struzziery III, Adam L. Taetle, J. David Tracy, Damian J. Valentino, Pei Pei Yu, R. Martin Chavez, Atosa Moini, Dorothee Blessing, Marshall Smith, James C. Wardlaw, Mark A. Allen, Jeffrey D. Barnett, Patricia L. Bowden, Oonagh T. Bradley, Samuel S. Britton, Steve M. Bunkin, Jason G. Cahilly, Denis P. Coleman III, Carl Faker, Peter E. Finn, James P. Ganley, Michelle Gill, Alicia K. Glen, Martin Hintze, Todd Hoffman, Bradley Hunt, Dimitrios Kavvathas, Hideki Kinuhata, Geoffrey C. Lee, Lindsay P. LoBue, Bryan P. Mix, Timothy A. Morgan, Basant Nanda, Peter J. Ort, Andrew D. Richard, David T. Rusoff, Jasper Tans, Eric N. Tavel, Simone Verri, Paul E. Vigilante, Simon I. Mansfield, Matthew B. McLennan, Bruce H. Mendelsohn, Marc O. Nachmann, Claire M. Ngo, Andrew F. Pyne, Jean Raby, Daniel M. Shefter, Claudia Spiess, Roland W. Tegeder, Neil J. Wright, Sheila H. Patel, Gareth W. Bater, Marjorie Boliscar, Sally A. Boyle, Randall S. Burkert, Colin J. Corgan, David H. Dase, Colleen A. Foster, Timur F. Galen, Mark Howard-Johnson, James P. Kenney, Robert A. Koort, Jonathan A. Langer, Aadarsh K. Malde, Dermot W. McDonogh, Olivier F. Meyohas, Anthony J. Noto, Lisa L. Parisi, Krishna S. Rao, Peter J. Zangari, Alan M. Cohen, Jane Hargreaves, Linnea K. Conrad, Gregory B. Carey, Slim C. Bentami, James R. Charnley, Karl M. Devine, Laurent M. Dupeyron, Paul E. Germain, Robyn A. Huffman, Alastair J. Hunt, Poir-Mok Kee, Scott G. Kolar, Wayne M. Leslie, Kemp J. Lewis, John S. Lindfors, Christopher Milner, Elizabeth A. Mily, Kiele E. Neas, Peter H. Comisar, Brahm S. Cramer, Michael D. Daffey, Donald J. Duet, Norman Feit, David P. Hennessey, Roy R. Joseph, Todd W. Leland, Bonnie S. Litt, Joseph Longo, Mark G. Machin, Blake W. Mather, Robert A. McTamaney, Fergal J. O'Driscoll, B. Andrew Rabin, Lisa M. Shalett, Lucas van Praag, Brian Duggan, Alison J. Mass, William J. Bannon, Linda S. Daines, David A. Fishman, Orit P. Freedman, Enrico S. Gaglioti, Sean C. Hoover, Eric S. Lane, Robert A. Mass, George N. Mattson, Julian R. Metherell, Helen Paleno, Sara E. Recktenwald, Abraham Shua, Raymond B. Strong III, David H. Voon, Timothy H. Moe, Gene Reilly, Charles Baillie, Bernardo Bailo, Johannes M. Boomaars, J. Theodore Borter, Gerald J. Cardinale, Craig W. Crossman, Stephen D. Daniel, Kathy G. Elsesser, Gail S. Fierstein, Gonzalo R. Garcia, Eldridge F. Gray, Axel Hoerger, Shin Horie, Joon Kwun, Lewis S. Kunkel, Edward J. Lawrence, Nicole Martin, Dave S. Park, Sean D. Rice, Jeroen Rombouts, Michael L. Warren.
Can anything be done to stop Jack Pickles? Well, maybe. I have adapted a curse from Magnus's Book of Money Curses which may help. If you are one of the directors on the list, I advise you to recite the following before bedtime every night -
O Jack Pickles, if you come near me, if you even think of coming near me, you will burn! Yes, burn, burn in the pit, with all your confederates, the sick angels. O mad Jack, there is no hope for you. Michael Fowke will protect me. Big Herb will protect me. You're going to lose. Go away, Jack. Flee!
Here's the list: John P. Curtin Jr, Richard A. Friedman, David A. Viniar, Armen A. Avanessians, Gary D. Cohn, J. Michael Evans, Peter S. Kraus, Edward C. Forst, Timothy J. Ingrassia, Richard T. Ong, David R. Boles, Matthew S. Darnall, Laurie R. Ferber, Audrey A. McNiff, J. Michael Sanders, Matthew T. Fremont-Smith, Robert D. Hormats, Geraldine F. McManus, Ravi Sinha, Steven H. Strongin, Eileen Rominger, Dean C. Backer, Alision L. Bott, Jeffrey F. Fastov, Bruce A. Heyman, Ivan Ross, Jack Levy, Mark F. Dehnert, William A. Badia, Tin Hsien Tan, Timothy H. Thornton, Ingrid C. Tierens, Nadia Titarchuk, Mark R. Tolette, Patrick M. Tribolet, Sebastian Varga von Kibed, Massimiliano Veneziani, Nicholas H. von Moltke, Alan S. Wilmit, Carinne S. Withey, Salvatore T. Lentini, David N. Frechette, Khaled Eldabag, Leonard Brooks III, Keith Tuffley, Alla Gil, Ana C. Cabral, Dina H. Powell, Anthony Gutman, Miriam T. Esteve, Patrick Tassin de Nonneville, David M. Inggs, Shirish B. Godbole, Jonathan R. Symonds, David R. Cukierman, Andrea Vella, Karl J. Robijns, Timothy Callahan, Markus L. Aakko, Nicholas Alston, Alexandra J. Anido, Jean-Baptiste Aussourd, Brian W. Bolster, C. Kane Brenan, Michael A. Cagnassola, Christian Channell, Yves Checoury, Remi Colinmaire, Gavin S. Da Cunha, Bruno P. De Kegel, Jeffrey L. Dodge, Andrew J. Duke, Jonathan M. Egol, Halil Emecen, David A. Fox, Maksim Gelfer, Tamilla F. Ghodsi, Marc C. Gilly, Douglas Horlick, Toby C. Watson, Han Song Zhu, Pekka I. Soininen, Michael T. Smith, Heather Arnold, Tuan Lam, Jess T. Fardella, Kristin F. Gannon, Jonathan M. Penkin, Craig W. Packer, Kevin A. Lockhart, Massimo Della Ragione, David Z. Alter, Oliver B. Benkert, Joshua S. Birnbaum, Emmanuel Bresson, William E. Burgess, Trevor R. Busche, Roy E. Campbell II, Steven N. Cho, Timothy Craighead, Joshua C. Critchley, Tracy DeBlieck, Michael Dinias, Vance M. Duigan, Steve T. Elia, David A. Friedland, Paul Graves, Norman A. Hardie, Ericka T. Horan, Kathleen Jack, Edward C. Knight, David W. Lang, Alexander G. Loosley, David B. Ludwig, Aedan M. MacGreevy, Jeff Mullen, Hideyuki Fred Omokawa, Zara Pratley, Lloyd S. Reynolds, Michael E. Ronen, Ricardo Salaman, Thierry Sancier, Ian M. Schmidek, Stephen B. Scobie, Judith L. Shandling, Graham P. Shaw, Steven R. Sher, Ramsey D. Smith, Robert A. Sorrell, Konstantinos N. Pantazopoulos, Kenneth A. Pontarelli, Vijay C. Popat, J. Timothy Romer, John R. Sawtell, Mark D. Shattan, Adam Sherman, Keith A. Shultis, Norborne G. Smith III, Robert C. Spofford, Joseph J. Struzziery III, Adam L. Taetle, J. David Tracy, Damian J. Valentino, Pei Pei Yu, R. Martin Chavez, Atosa Moini, Dorothee Blessing, Marshall Smith, James C. Wardlaw, Mark A. Allen, Jeffrey D. Barnett, Patricia L. Bowden, Oonagh T. Bradley, Samuel S. Britton, Steve M. Bunkin, Jason G. Cahilly, Denis P. Coleman III, Carl Faker, Peter E. Finn, James P. Ganley, Michelle Gill, Alicia K. Glen, Martin Hintze, Todd Hoffman, Bradley Hunt, Dimitrios Kavvathas, Hideki Kinuhata, Geoffrey C. Lee, Lindsay P. LoBue, Bryan P. Mix, Timothy A. Morgan, Basant Nanda, Peter J. Ort, Andrew D. Richard, David T. Rusoff, Jasper Tans, Eric N. Tavel, Simone Verri, Paul E. Vigilante, Simon I. Mansfield, Matthew B. McLennan, Bruce H. Mendelsohn, Marc O. Nachmann, Claire M. Ngo, Andrew F. Pyne, Jean Raby, Daniel M. Shefter, Claudia Spiess, Roland W. Tegeder, Neil J. Wright, Sheila H. Patel, Gareth W. Bater, Marjorie Boliscar, Sally A. Boyle, Randall S. Burkert, Colin J. Corgan, David H. Dase, Colleen A. Foster, Timur F. Galen, Mark Howard-Johnson, James P. Kenney, Robert A. Koort, Jonathan A. Langer, Aadarsh K. Malde, Dermot W. McDonogh, Olivier F. Meyohas, Anthony J. Noto, Lisa L. Parisi, Krishna S. Rao, Peter J. Zangari, Alan M. Cohen, Jane Hargreaves, Linnea K. Conrad, Gregory B. Carey, Slim C. Bentami, James R. Charnley, Karl M. Devine, Laurent M. Dupeyron, Paul E. Germain, Robyn A. Huffman, Alastair J. Hunt, Poir-Mok Kee, Scott G. Kolar, Wayne M. Leslie, Kemp J. Lewis, John S. Lindfors, Christopher Milner, Elizabeth A. Mily, Kiele E. Neas, Peter H. Comisar, Brahm S. Cramer, Michael D. Daffey, Donald J. Duet, Norman Feit, David P. Hennessey, Roy R. Joseph, Todd W. Leland, Bonnie S. Litt, Joseph Longo, Mark G. Machin, Blake W. Mather, Robert A. McTamaney, Fergal J. O'Driscoll, B. Andrew Rabin, Lisa M. Shalett, Lucas van Praag, Brian Duggan, Alison J. Mass, William J. Bannon, Linda S. Daines, David A. Fishman, Orit P. Freedman, Enrico S. Gaglioti, Sean C. Hoover, Eric S. Lane, Robert A. Mass, George N. Mattson, Julian R. Metherell, Helen Paleno, Sara E. Recktenwald, Abraham Shua, Raymond B. Strong III, David H. Voon, Timothy H. Moe, Gene Reilly, Charles Baillie, Bernardo Bailo, Johannes M. Boomaars, J. Theodore Borter, Gerald J. Cardinale, Craig W. Crossman, Stephen D. Daniel, Kathy G. Elsesser, Gail S. Fierstein, Gonzalo R. Garcia, Eldridge F. Gray, Axel Hoerger, Shin Horie, Joon Kwun, Lewis S. Kunkel, Edward J. Lawrence, Nicole Martin, Dave S. Park, Sean D. Rice, Jeroen Rombouts, Michael L. Warren.
