Monday, 16 May 2011

Brevan Howard wants to shut its Equity Strategies fund

Why on earth would Brevan Howard want to do that? Well, because the man who has managed the fund, Fabrizio Gallo, is leaving for Bank of America. Utter madness! It's like throwing the baby out with the bath water. Or maybe it's not. No, it's not. Fabrizio is the baby, the big vicious baby who is crawling away in a babygro after a bit of splashing around. The Equity Strategies fund is the bath. Are you still with me, reader(s)? And I'm suggesting to you, in all seriousness, that the $600 million in the fund is the bath water. So, Brevan Howard won't be losing any water at all. It will just be getting rid of the bath. Although there have been redemptions in recent months, apparently, which complicates matters considerably. Maybe there's no water left. Maybe the water evaporated ages ago. That's why the baby threw his toys out of the pram! The pram being the Brevan Howard office. I don't know what the toys could be. His laptop, his mobile?

Forget the baby/bath water analogy, and the fucking pram, and the fucking toys. Let's concentrate on Tom Montag. Tom is a very mystical man. He is also president of global banking and markets at BofA. He's going to be Fabrizio's new boss. He'll whip him into shape, I'm sure. Fabrizio's going to be a co-head of global equities and European global markets. A top position. A lot of responsibility. (Who cares?) He'll have to wear a suit. Tom won't stand for any immature nonsense. He'll want to see Fabrizio behaving like a mature adult. Not necessarily a shaman. Tom will let Fabrizio walk before he learns how to fly. But there'll be no crawling over this cold earth. And no dribbling from the mouth. And no gurgling sounds. We're talking hard work. Playtime will definitely be over, late this summer. Tom is a real taskmaster. You better believe it. Fabrizio better believe it. I better believe it. I'm trying to believe it. I want to believe it. And I want (I NEED) to believe that Tom Montag is a very mystical man. It's important to me. I haven't come this far to lose my faith now. There's going to be mysticism without the desert, and mysticism without the astral plane. Hard to imagine, I know. A stronger life in the cities! A grip on reality like we've never known. Men like Tom Montag will help me, help us. Yes? Oh yes.