Tuesday, 10 May 2011

Colin Lunnon and Bish Limbu have run out of ideas

A bit embarrassing, really. But it happens. It happens to the best of them, not to mention the worst. So they have had to bring their old friend Simon Reynolds to the multi manager team at Octopus Investments to help out. I know Simon quite well. He's a veteran of the desert, the physical, and the astral. (Never forget the astral!) He'll have plenty of ideas, most of them unsuitable, but who cares? It's far better to have sick and demented ideas in your head than no ideas at all. And Simon is the sort you want inside the tent pissing out, rather than outside the tent with his mind working overtime. He has a demonic edge to him, which you sometimes need as a financial shaman. How many atrocities did I commit when I was gallivanting around the world as Jack Pickles? I've lost count. I'm not saying Simon is as bad as I was (and maybe still am) but he has been known to dance with the devil.

Dear reader(s), has an octopus with a dream ever promised you anything? 'I have two priorities: generating positive returns, and controlling risk. Whatever investment you choose, I'll never take unnecessary risks with your money. You can be sure of that because I look to invest my own money alongside yours.' That was him on the phone this morning. And I thought he was dead - the fake, radioactive octopus that Guy Myles beat the shit out of last September. I get so confused. No, it must have been the real octopus, the one that runs things at the firm. Would you trust an octopus with your money? Maybe Simon has some ideas about how to make the whole concept more attractive to investors. I mean, he's also a veteran of the astral sea. (Not the physical.) Oh, it's all becoming clear now. Lunnon and Limbu aren't as dumb as they look. (Yes, I have seen them, in visions.) Simon will definitely help them to redefine the industry, and to change the way people think about investment companies - well, this one, at any rate.