Wednesday, 7 September 2011

Myriad Asset Management launch delayed by some goddamn stinking chivato

I can't believe this shit. Carl Huttenlocher was supposed to be launching his new hedge fund this month, but Hong Kong's Securities and Futures Commission is refusing to give Carl a licence until it has investigated allegations that he got involved in shenanigans at Highbridge. (And who will be leading the investigation, the mild-mannered janitor, a dog in a filing cabinet? Puh-lease!) Some informer, some goddamn stinking chivato, has claimed that assets were improperly valued at Carl's old fund, and that its redemption gate and payout plan were designed to inflate fees at the expense of clients.

Why am I so upset?

Firstly, as I've always said: who cares about the clients? Hedge funds are in business to make money! (Am I wrong on this? I'm not a communist!) My view is, the clients can take it or leave it. I'm sick and tired of all the crawling to clients that goes on. They're just a bunch of opportunistic bums with money under the mattress. That's the sordid truth. They ain't got a clue about working for a living. It has never entered their heads that they should go out and get jobs like everyone else. They think money will do the work for them. So these aren't people we want to respect. People like Carl and his team at Myriad are the people we should respect, and love, and SUPPORT! Not treat them like dirt, for Christ's sake! We're talking about capitalists here - mystical capitalists, most of them. Hard-working souls that put their blood and their fire on the line every single day. What the hell is going on?

Secondly, Carl is a friend of mine. I've only known him about a month, but we've become really close. And he's taken to financial shamanism like a duck to water. He got a little tearful when I went into the recent history - I had to explain to him why Big Herb's assassination was absolutely necessary, and why we won't be seeing the elephant any more - but I'm convinced he'll make a first-class shaman once he's completed basic training.

If I find out the name of the chivato, he or she is going to wish I hadn't. I can just imagine the rat reading this post: 'I hope he's a nice guy who doesn't need to use the razor to make a point'. Yeah, right. Did I get where I am today by being a nice guy?