Thursday, 9 February 2012

John Paulson has a pop at The Hartford

Oh. "The Hartford". Yes. Whatever the fuck that is. Well, my intern tells me it's one of the biggest insurers in the US of A: The Hartford Financial Services Group - if you can imagine that. (Can you imagine? Ha! It's a funny old world.) And Liam McGee is the chief executive. Our John had a go at him yesterday. Really put the boot in. And I don't even have a fucking intern. Let's have it right. Do I look like a slave driver, the sort of monstrous employer who would get a soppy middle-class kid (straight out of the LSE like all the other c**ts, no doubt) working for nothing? I'm a humanitarian, and I'll break the legs of anyone who says any different.

There was a time ... when the world was young, and not quite so funny. Ah, the apple trees. / Believe me, I used to like John Paulson. Seriously. Used to like John Paulson a lot because he was a man who made a lot of money. Now, unfortunately, he's a man who loses a lot of money, and I'm not sure I like that. So, am I saying I hate John Paulson's guts? Oh, have I turned against him? No, no, no. I am willing to give John another chance. However, he's not going to solve his problems by attacking Liam McGee. Our Liam is like a helpless child, a baby. The Hartford may need to be split up, may not, I don't know. There are "significant challenges". Well, that's business. But our Liam is a baby. No, he's a dove. Well, he's soft, actually, like a teddy bear. You wouldn't kick a teddy bear in the face when it was down, would you? Of course you wouldn't! You wouldn't set fire to a dove's wings. You wouldn't mess with a baby's toys. 'Yes!' Oh, well. What is wrong with you?! Are you sick? More to the point: is John Paulson sick?!

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You probably think I'm sick, dear reader(s), for writing like this. Well, I'm sorry but it is my duty to drag you out of the jam of the awful reality you find yourself in. Not that you're aware of the jam. It would be more accurate to say that I found you ... in it. Just like Lautreamont! God has given me a great consciousness. What am I supposed to do? Waste it on the unexamined life?