Thursday, 2 February 2012

Lucas van Praag is living in one room with pages of the Bible plastered everywhere

All over the walls, amazingly. And there are about fifty crucifixes placed at strategic points. He's not in any danger though. Well, I mean, he won't be, unless he talks. Is he stupid/mad/reckless enough to write a book about his time as Goldman's PR chief?

It'll come as no surprise to you that Lloyd has been on the phone to me. This is what was spoken between us: 'Mikey, great f**king news about Altana, eh?! (I knew you and Lee would work it out, Lloyd. Brilliant! But I suppose you're calling about Lucas, aren't you?) Oh, you know me so well. Yeah, we had to let him go. All that vampire squid stuff? F**king forget about it. We don't need publicity like that. (That wasn't his fault, surely?) We don't want anyone talking shit about us. Anyone, you hear? (What about me?) Well, it's a good job you're a friend of the bank. That's all I'll say. (Do you think Lucas will cause any trouble?) I don't know. We might have to gag him. (A gagging order, yeah?) No. (Oh, I get you, Lloyd. A job for Viniar.) Yeah. Or you could handle it. All subtle, obviously. Send a few demons over to his place. (Not with the Bible plastered everywhere, and the crucifixes.) What?! (I had a look earlier, with my astral eyes. Lucas is holed up in his bedroom like a born-again nutter.) I thought you didn't do the astral thing no more, Mikey? (I like to keep my hand in.) Very sensible.'

No, I won't be able to get in with demons. If Lucas van Praag does decide to write a book about Goldman Sachs, Viniar and his thugs will have to take care of the situation. Personally, I'd rather face the demons.