Monday, 22 July 2019

Do you want to tie your bank account to the baked beans in my back room?

Okay, okay. Baked beans. Well, we'll get to that in a while, dear reader(s). But first, this!

Tally Launches New UK Bank Account Tied to Physical Gold Ownership

London, 18 July 2019: Today, Tally is the first banking app to offer individual banking accounts delivering seamless saving and spending in physical gold, at home and abroad. Unlike a traditional bank account, Tally gives consumers full ownership of their money, and being gold means savings are protected from inflation and bank risk, and political and economic uncertainty.

Uh. Some people love their gold, don't they?

When customers make a deposit through the app, they are buying Tally gold at the global wholesale price, which is kept in a secure vault in Switzerland. One Tally is one milligram of physical gold. The value of customers' holdings is accessed through individual Tally banking accounts linked to a contactless Mastercard® debit card. Customers use Tally to spend anywhere that accepts Mastercard®, with no fees. And as Tally holdings are 100% insured, savings are protected in their entirety.

Okay, okay. It's a PR email, obviously. And no endorsement, kook(s), obviously, BECAUSE(!) ... I don't do endorsements, man, and it's all new and confusing, AND(!) ... it's competing with MY IDEA to offer you the chance to tie your bank account to the tins of baked beans I've got stored in my back room. 'Ha!' Listen! Do you really want to tie your account to gold in Switzerland? Think about it. 'Er, I'm thinking about it, boss. I'm not sure I like your baked beans idea.' Why not, Voice? 'It just doesn't sound too secure, you know?' Shut up! You don't even have a bank account, idiot!

Christ! / Right. Let's hear, uh ... from Cameron and Ralph, then. 'Who the hell are Cameron and Ralph?!' Jesus H. - ! They're the founders of Tally, silly. Look - !

Cameron Parry, Co-founder and CEO of Tally, said: "We wanted to offer consumers a stronger form of money, protected from systemic bank risk, 100% insured and designed to hold its value. The solution was a standalone full-reserve monetary platform where the customer's asset is kept outside of the banking system while seamlessly operating with it. And as full-reserve, the customer's savings are not lent out, moved or invested. Full control of their money stays with the customer. This is what Tally delivers."

Yeah, yeah. I've got full control of the baked beans, Cameron, mate. No one can eat them without my permission.

Ralph Hazell, Co-founder and CPO of Tally, commented: "Challenger banks are doing a great job improving the customer experience. But they are still tied to fiat currency, leaving the value of customers' savings exposed to risk and uncertainty, with the value being eroded through inflation. With Tally, we wanted to go further and bring innovation to money itself. Customers now have a choice in how they store and spend their savings for the first time in their own banking account."

Well, okay. Let's just hope that the price of gold doesn't collapse. Baked beans hold their value, man. Actually, visit your local supermarket on a regular basis and watch the price rise. 'Not those own brand value beans, boss.' I'm not talking about that cheap muck! I'm talking about Heinz baked beans! The best! 'Oh, okay.' Yeah. Big time.


Anything else? Well, I've had a week off. I can't say I'm glad to be back, really, but ... life goes on, I suppose.

Music? My music? I've been analyzing my five world-beater songs, trying to work out why they're as good as they are. And I've discovered something that they all have in common. Unfortunately, I can't tell you what it is, dear reader(s), because other musicians will read this blog one day, and I've already revealed too much stuff. 'You mean bastard!' Shut up, Voice! / So, I know what to do now with new songs ...