Thursday, 4 July 2019

Today's youth predict ...

All kinds of weird shit, apparently. Naturally.

It wasn't so long ago that bank branches were leaving the high street - some even became wine bars. New research reveals that today's youth predict a bright future for banks on the high street - although the vast majority (79%) believe that their relationship with banks will be fundamentally different in ten years' time. Instead of looking after our cash and sending us statements, Britain's student population thinks that banks will be primarily responsible for looking after our personal data (27%), supporting money education (23%) and validating instant payments in an online world where consumers have just one password and ID.

Yeah, right. Banks are going to make a comeback on the high street just to look after our ... personal data. 'Ha!' Like we need a bank in a building for that. 'Or they might educate us, boss.' Yeah. As if banks give a toss about educating people.

Talk about delusional!

It is a time of year when another generation of students prepares to graduate from university life and start the world of work. Most of them have had their first experience of living away from home, managing their own finances and they will each graduate with an average debt of £50,000. Given the extent of student exposure to debt and money matters at a young age, ThoughtWorks asked young people to imagine what Britain would be like by 2030 and to consider how banking would change during their working lives.

Christ! ThoughtWorks asked young people! ThoughtWorks would have been better off asking the cat. 'What cat, boss?' Well, Voice, there used to be a three-legged cat in my street. I once saw it fight a fox. 'Really?' That's not how it lost its leg. 'Oh.' Anyway, ThoughtWorks could have asked that cat, or any cat, or that fox, or any fox ... 'Why?!' Because they would get more sense out of a cat or a fox than out of young people today, that's why.

Am I really going to continue with this?

Aside from the belief that banks will look after a customer's data rather than their cash (27%), students also believed that they will no longer receive financial statements by 2030 (35%). Instead, they predict that by 2030 they will access all their financial information from a single online hub (35%) - and that they will have just one password and ID for all their online purchases and payments (19%). Students also believe that AI will play a major role in ordering things as and when they are needed - and some believed drones and robots would have a role to play in the bank of the future (16%).

Fuck's sake. I still can't get over this data thing. Banks look after money, idiots! That's what they do. A company that looks after your data will be something else - a different kind of company, more like Google, or Facebook. Not that we want those firms looking after our data. Especially not Facebook! I wouldn't trust them to look after my cat. 'But you don't have a cat, boss!' Listen! That three-legged cat is probably dead, Voice. Sadly. I haven't seen it in ages. But I would look after it, if it turned up at my front door, man. Or my back door. I would give it a saucer of milk. Because I'm not a heartless bastard like some people in this town. 'Okay. You'd give a dead cat a saucer of milk. Unbelievable!' But I tell you one thing: I certainly wouldn't give the cat my data to look after. Dead or alive. Fuck that!

Oh, by the way, dear reader(s), if you feel that I'm not making a great deal of sense at this moment in time, there are two things I should explain to you ...

1] I fell asleep after lunch, and I feel a bit "funny" now. Not my normal self, like.

2] I couldn't care less about sense. Some of the most horrible people I've met in my life have been the people who made the most sense.

Anyway ...

Given the view of a digitized world in 2030, it would be natural to presume that high street banks may disappear. One of the most surprising findings from the ThoughtWorks study was that young people believed banks would stay on the high street - in fact, they believed this much more strongly than the older generation that has grown up through an era of bank consolidation and ongoing branch closure programmes.

Fuck's sake. / Phil, mate, you're a nice guy and that, but talk some sense for us. Please! I beg you!

Phil Hingley, Director of Financial Services at ThoughtWorks UK commented: "For young people, mobile devices shape the way they live their lives, not just as a communication tool but for all types of social and professional interactions from travel and tax to bookings, banking and beyond. Young Brits like the allure and convenience of using products and services from cool tech brands but they also recognize there is a place for solid, safe brands - like banks - that can be the junction that stores the data they use, validates their ID and enables the payments they make to a wide range of online brands and retailers."

Oh, God. Whatever.

Okay, okay. That's it! I've had enough. It's the end of another week, blog fan(s). 'Yippee! Are you going to play your guitar now, Mikey?' Uh. I might go back to sleep, Voice.