Friday, 25 April 2008

Marcus Agius: no religion

The chairman of Barclays, Marcus Agius, made an absolutely shocking announcement yesterday. He told shareholders at Barclays' annual meeting, 'We don't have religion.' He then went on to say that Barclays has 'options' when it comes to its problems concerning capital.

I have been trying desperately to contact Bob Diamond this morning. I suspect he's not taking my calls because he doesn't want to get into a public slanging match with Mr Agius. As we all know, Bob has got religion. He's got it bad, thanks to me. Big Herb is his new god. And he's quite fond of Ganesh as well.

Keith Busby phoned me late last night. He is becoming increasingly right-wing - not a bad thing. He told me, 'Communists. That's what it is. Communists! These godless arseholes are taking over the banking system. Mr Agius should know better. I'm not suggesting he's a communist, but he is giving succour to those people in his organization that want to destroy our way of life. And who knows what will happen now? The last thing I want to see is Marcus swinging from a lamp post - all because certain revolutionaries got carried away and took him at his word.'

Marcus, mate, I hope you're reading this. If you've got no religion, you've got no life. Money is spiritual. Let money burn within you. Love the burning. Also, just have a word with Bob. He will set you straight, no worries.