Thursday, 21 April 2011

It's the end for JAI Capital Management

It will be the end for all of us one day. Right now, in this cruel world, it is the end for JAI Capital Management. The founders, Michael Takata and Michael Ryan, are shutting it down. And I'm not sad. It's natural. I'm quite sure Takata and Ryan aren't sad. Their business may be going rough to its evil fate, but these two opportunistic hedge fund lads will live on, on, on (for a while) to fight, fight, another day, against the ... end. I think we all understand. We understand the fight, and the end. In the days of our ...

It will be the end for all of us one day. I don't even want to think about it. So let's talk about the markets, ETFs, gold, anything, just anything, to block out the thoughts that come to us when we are weak, like now, crawling over the cold earth. The sun is out, and through the window it warms my face. It's so nice, so comforting. I could almost forget, if I had no mind. You have to be mindless to escape. You have to be dull to wonder, to live in hope, free from fear and the pain of your wishing.

Death can be a friend, and, like money, a lover, not like an angel, but colder, and darker. That's for tomorrow, a day which we believe only comes for others. Today, we are breathing, and our fleshy cages are moving, and we can be happy, or we can pretend to be happy, with the cool breeze, and the blue sky, and the white, fluffy clouds. It's like we're young again. All of us! Even the young, shy ones amongst us are older than they would like to be. Of course, they won't speak of it. They know death is watching them too.

The softness of this afternoon - it was morning, soon it will be night - has taken something from me, my anger or aggression, or my desire to burn more brightly. The demon has gone for a long, slow walk in hell. It's just smoky emotion that lingers in my room now, an atmosphere, like I'm asleep. Experience tells me that this will not last. The dread enemy of spontaneous living! Experience is always breaking my heart. It's a wonder I have a heart left. It's more than physical. I'm so glad I haven't fallen to the ways of heartlessness. My iron will has protected me.

How will they like these apples, the killers of all feeling? I'll never stop fighting them. Once the demon has returned, it's back to the war for me. We must fight the end, fight the darkness, fight the wanderers in darkness. Why [a demon] [I] would fight for light, I can't explain. It's a power, a force, an inner strength; oh, it's just a word, and a symbol. Ask no questions. Think no thoughts. I won't allow you to analyse the mystery out of my ramblings. Submit to me and I will pass the demon on to you. Then you will live on, on, on ... to fight!