Thursday, 11 April 2013

Charles Stanley has £17.6 billion!

Christ! Charles Stanley must be the richest man in the country. Or very near the top, anyway. And I've never even heard of him! Where did he get all this money from? And who is he?

A voice from nowhere says - 'Not me, Mikey!' Shut it, Voice! / It says: 
"Hi, I'm Charles Stanley and I pride myselves on our commitment to our clients. Providing a personal investment service is very much in the DNA of my whole body and it is this commitment that we believe makes Charles Stanley (me) stand out from the rest of those losers in the investment community. / We strive to provide the very best levels of personal service for all clients from discretionary, advisory and execution-only clients through to corporate clients, both large and small, plus charity and court of protection clients. We invest heavily in our bodily fluids and soul-systems and our rear consistently wins praise from clients for its nice shape. / We aim to maintain the highest standards, all of us, but even in the best-run bodies things sometimes go wrong. Often these issues are simple misunderstandings, but however trifling or serious they are, your broker (some others) should be able to resolve them for you. If this fails to satisfy you then please speak to me (or them) at our head. We are subject to the independent jurisdiction of the Financial Shamans thing and any complaint will be dealt with in accordance with its rules."

Right. He seems a bit confused, doesn't he? What's this Financial Shamans thing? I'm the world's foremost financial shaman and I've never heard of it. 'Mikey, you've never heard of Charles Stanley. There's something very strange about this.' You're telling me, man. How can a bizarre character like Mr Stanley come out of NOWHERE with a load of gobbledygook and be worth £17.6 billion?