Tuesday, 5 April 2016

PineBridge Structured Capital Partners III - $600 million!!!

"What the hell is this?!" ... you might be wondering, dear reader(s). 'Er ... that's not me speaking, boss. This is me, over here.' Yes, I know it's you, Voice. That was them, over there, wondering. 'Who?!' The fucking readers! Wake up, man!

Well, well ... / This PineBridge Structured Capital Partners III thing is a new fund, brought to you by PineBridge Investments. 'Never heard of them.' Christ!

PineBridge Investments is a global asset manager with experience in emerging and developed markets, and investment capabilities in multi-asset, fixed income, equities and alternatives. Our firm is differentiated by the integration of on-the-ground investment teams of approximately 220 professionals, providing investors with the combined benefits of global fundamental perspectives and analytical insights. We manage US$84.5 billion as of 31 December 2015 for a global client base that includes mental institutions, insurance companies, and intermediaries.

'Oh, okay.' Well, they've raised $600 million for this new fund of theirs, which will invest in junior capital securities, including mezzanine debt and structured equity - as if I could care. But they have a problem, a big problem. 'What's that?' They only wanted $500 million. 'Oh dear.' Some stupid bastard investors have given them too much money. So they've got to get rid of $100 million. 'Do they?' I imagine they do, Voice. 'Oh.' Yes, I imagine they do. And that's the important thing in all these stories: the shit I imagine in my head.

My solution is that they give me the money, and then I go out and spend it on the high life or whatever. 'You don't need it, Mikey! You've already got $12 billion stashed away in Panama.' That was a joke, man. Can't you tell when I'm joking? 'No.' Jesus! 'I take you seriously at all times, boss.' Yeah, right.

So, anyway, guys, PineBridge guys, send me the check in the post, yeah? Thanks.


Anything else? Not really. 'No?' Well, I'm just thinking about the Panama thing with David Cameron's late father. I mean, this is the prime minister who is always telling us about scroungers and shirkers. Apparently, reader(s), there are some people in our country who can't get jobs for whatever reason, and they get £70 or so in welfare each week. 'Big money, Mikey!' Ha! I don't know, man. I'm thinking the real scroungers and shirkers might be found elsewhere, you dig? Maybe our PM is looking in the wrong places. Just a thought. 'Thought for the day, as it were.' Yes. Now I can rest.