Wednesday, 27 April 2016

Who on earth is Tilman Fertitta?! / What on earth is Landcadia?!

'Horrific!' Okay, reader(s), there's no need to get upset because I'm on the case. I promise you I will ... EXPLAIN EVERYTHING!

Tilman Fertitta is actually a man, a genuine human being from Texas, and a billionaire. 'A billionaire, boss?!' That's what I said, Voice. He owns some restaurants. And our Tilman - I call him Tilly, we're quite close, although not as close as ... yes, our Tilly is best friends with Richard Handler. (Dickie to his friend.) 'Dickie and Tilly?!' Yeah, or ... Tilly and Dickie. (I think Tilly is the senior one. But they're definitely bosom buddies.) 'Okay.' The point is, Christ!!! Listen, the point is, these guys are in business together now with one of those SPAC things. 'Eh?' You know, man, like Chinh Chu's new firm. 'Who?!' Chinh Chu. You remember Chinh Chu, right? 'Er ... I suppose.' Well, the SPAC is called, or will be called, Landcadia. 'Oh, I was wondering what that was. I thought it might be some mystical land where the little fairies dance around and play ... their instruments, er, banjos and harps, you know?' No. 'You see, no one knows where they came from, or ... what they were doing.' Shut up, Voice! Please! This is serious. It's a serious SPAC thing we're talking about here, a blank check to buy other companies. 'All right. And how much do they want? I mean, guys like Mr Fertitta and Mr Handler always want other people's money.' Don't be so cynical. For starters, Tilly is a billionaire. 'Yes, you said. But how much of other people's money does Tilly want for his new venture?' $300 million. 'I see.' That's not much. Not these days. His own money is probably tied-up in ... other things. 'Of course.' Shut up, Voice! You're really pissing me off this morning. Go away! 'I'm going.' Good!

Uh, sorry about him, reader(s), yeah? And sorry, Tilly and Dickie, if you're reading this. The Voice is my intern. And I don't pay him. He only has a limited understanding of business and finance. He spends most of his time floating around on the astral plane like a total ponce. I'm really sorry. You just can't get the staff these days. Unless you're willing to pay them wages ... 'Ha!'


That's enough! My concentration has gone. / Anything else? I'm bored. I'm the Chairman of the Bored. I'll be playing my guitar after lunch and for the rest of the day. (Or I might go out. It's sunny!) I still need to finish that song, still need the lyrics, you dig?


Interesting Prince fact: I always thought the guitar solo on Little Red Corvette was played by Prince. But no! It was played by Dez Dickerson. The thing is, Prince was an average guitar player up until this point. However, within a year or two he was a guitar god. Maybe he heard Dez and thought to himself, I want some of this action!