Wednesday, 13 March 2019

I don't want to speak to Lionel

I mean, I'm sure he's a lovely guy and everything, but - 'He knows all about pensions, boss.' Oh. Well, that's great for him, Voice. It really is, but - 'He's an expert.' Yes, I'm sure, but the thing is, I'm really busy at the moment, you dig? I've done most of my blogging for this week. I want to concentrate on rehearsing my songs. I'm hoping to do five hours today, and five hours tomorrow, and then ... 'And then what?' And then one fine evening, my little invisible friend, I'll try to record my songs again. 'Ha!' Yes, ha! I'm getting closer, man. 'Closer to what?' Closer to the professional level of what guys like Noel Gallagher or Neil Young sound like when they're playing their songs on an acoustic guitar. And with the songs I've got now, there's no way I won't get a recording deal, man. No way at all. 'Great! / But what about our Lionel?' What about him? 'Well, he's going to be sad now.' Christ. Okay, okay. Listen, I'm not stopping Lionel from writing his own songs, am I? We all make choices in life. I mean - 'No. He wants to talk about ... pensions.' Pensions?! For fuck's sake! What's the deal with this guy? I'm talking about rock and roll here. 'Ha! Just quote a bit from the PR email, boss. You don't have to talk to him. Let's keep Lionel happy with a few quotes. Come on.' All right, Voice. There's no harm in it, I suppose.

Professor Martellini is a Director of the EDHEC-Risk Institute. He has also taught at U.C. Berkeley and Princeton University.

So, uh ... Professor Martellini. That's our Lionel, that is, dear reader(s).

He has spent years studying the pensions industry and believes he has created a system that would help solve the global pensions crisis - the use of retirement income bonds as an investment vehicle.

Okay. But, uh ... does he have a view on what is Neil Young's best song? A lot of people might say it's Cortez the Killer or Like a Hurricane, but I reckon it's Powderfinger. / Let's hear what he says ...

He believes that this would remove the tricky dilemma of choosing between annuities (insurance products) and target date funds (asset management products).

Well, that's not him! Who's that?! 'It's the PR guy, boss. Peter. If you want a direct quote from Professor Martellini, I mean, our Lionel, you'll have to arrange it with Peter.' What?! I haven't got the time to mess around like this! I just want to know if the professor agrees with me about Powderfinger. Oh, this is ridiculous!

That's enough. Seriously, dear reader(s). Life is too short.

...

Anything else? Brexit? Uh ... I've got a headache, actually. Not a full-blown migraine, but I don't need Brexit. I've taken some Anadin Extra. I'm staring at my laptop screen. I'm feeling worse. If this turns into a migraine, I won't be able to rehearse my songs. So, I don't need Brexit. Do you know what I mean?

Laters!